How to not feel bad about putting an infant in daycare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least in MD, the ratio for infants is 1:3 so it is not like they are in a big classroom. I was amazed that my baby quickly adapted to the daily nap and feeding schedule (seemed impossible for me to get done). She loved to watch the other kids. She is a lovely young woman attending Cornell right now. Not one regret!

In some ways parents are not perfect care givers either. They are making dinner, on their phones, half asleep. It is not like home is always full creative loving attention.

And 1:2 at an in home daycare.

This is a bit misleading because most in-home daycares are licensed for up to 8 kids and two kids can be under the age of 2. Most of those will have 2 caregivers. While one of the two may be mostly dedicated to the babies, that’s not a guarantee.

Our kids attended a large in-home with 12 kids and 3 caregivers. It worked out great for us and I liked having the mixed ages. It was also on the main floor of a house and much nicer relative to sone of the basement daycares.

[Anonymous]

People will say things like "it's not ideal" or "a nanny is better" with no basis. Daycare can be great, nannies can be terrible, moms can be terrible too. Just make sure the situation is one where you fully trust the caregivers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

Lots of wealthy educated people put their kids in daycare. And a lot of people who use nannies do so for their own convenience, not because it's better for the baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

Lots of wealthy educated people put their kids in daycare. And a lot of people who use nannies do so for their own convenience, not because it's better for the baby

LOL. No one who is wealthy uses daycare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

Lots of wealthy educated people put their kids in daycare. And a lot of people who use nannies do so for their own convenience, not because it's better for the baby

LOL. No one who is wealthy uses daycare

I guess it depends on your definition of wealthy. I know lots of UMC families who do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

Ah yes, because the wealthy should always be a blue print for child rearing.

See: sending young kids away to boarding schools in a different country, neglecting children for fancy trips, Alex Murdaugh.

I'm not saying all wealthy parents are bad parents but to assume that "because the rich do it, it must be better" is absolutely moronic.

[Anonymous]

Oh you just do it and then see how happy they come home everyday and then you’ll stop worrying! After a month or so you will forget you ever worried.

Keep in mind some stay at home families have worse ratios than daycare lol. I was one of 4 kids tended by a SAHM. my son has 1:3 ratio in his class. He gets more attention than I did!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

I mean, this is absurd logic of course. If a chef comes to your house is the food more nutritious than if the same chef prepared it in a restaurant? No, it’s just more convenient. The convenience and schedule is why people get nannies, not because it is better for the child.

[Anonymous]

It is hard and the first couple baby years are so magical and over so soon. What you are feeling is very valid and it is better for babies to be home and away from daycare germs.

Having said that, sometimes it is important to earn the money so that your family's needs are met. So, you do whatever works best for you. I am so sorry. I left my job after one year of working when my youngest was born and I still feel very bad that I had him in daycare. Mind you, this daycare was Bright Horizon in my office and I could EBF him. But in the end, I just said screw it and stayed home with him. I was lucky that I had that option financially.

[Anonymous]

You feel bad and then you do what you need to do. Only a mentally disturbed biological mother would not feel bad. Who likes to do it?

[Anonymous]

I think the best way to not feel bad about putting a very young infant in daycare is to tell yourself that such a setting is good for babies, they won't remember it later if it wasn't, and since everybody else is doing it how can it be bad?

If you can rationalize away your fears that come from a very natural desire to care for your own baby at that age then you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh you just do it and then see how happy they come home everyday and then you’ll stop worrying! After a month or so you will forget you ever worried.

Keep in mind some stay at home families have worse ratios than daycare lol. I was one of 4 kids tended by a SAHM. my son has 1:3 ratio in his class. He gets more attention than I did!!!

Not exactly. I would guess the other three were not infants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are pros and cons to every situation. Stay home, center care, in home, nanny. All are different with good and bad aspects.

It’s silly to suggest that everyone who can afford to hire a nanny or stay home would do this. This is categorically untrue. Lots of people with money can and do send their kids to center care for various reasons.

+1 million. PPs need to stop judging and thinking that they know best.

[Anonymous]

I wish I could have stayed home with my babies but that wasn't in the cards financially. I stretched my maternity leaves to 6+ months, which helped a lot, and eventually chose a small federal center for daycare, which ended up working out well. It's small enough I know all the staff and most of the kids/parents (I think there are less than 20 kids total across all classrooms), and I'm seeing how happy my older is at 3 playing with her friends and learning new things. If I had infinite money, I would have kept them home with me until 3, but I don't feel like daycare has harmed them or our relationship in any way.

Best of luck to you, OP. I know it's so hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Socialization is good
Stable finances in the home are good
I did have moments of feeling bad about it too - but when my oldest walked in to kindergarten very confident and ready, I realized some of that was thanks to daycare
In terms of daycare as opposed to nanny - this was pre-covid days for me, but I like the additional oversight. YMMV.

An infant doesn’t need socialization.

They do and it can be provided at home or at a daycare.

https://www.theskimm.com/parenting/babies-social-development

If daycare were actually beneficial and good for a young baby, then rich women who don’t work would send their baby to one. Except they don’t. Daycares are a lower cost option for working parents. There is a reason why wealthy educated people hire a nanny.

Lots of wealthy educated people put their kids in daycare. And a lot of people who use nannies do so for their own convenience, not because it's better for the baby

LOL. No one who is wealthy uses daycare

I guess it depends on your definition of wealthy. I know lots of UMC families who do

Yeah, I’m confused. Maybe one percenters aren’t using daycare but tons of top 10% types do. Managing a household employee isn’t for everyone. I also can afford a nanny and prefer daycare, between the two.