Female college student—my parents track me on Life360

[Anonymous]

This is definitely too much for a junior in college. It's time for your parents to ease up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The app shouldn’t exist.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello.

I am currently a junior in college, and my parents, whom I love and respect, tend to be a bit controlling. I am from a rural area and attend college in a suburb of a major city. I would consider myself to be very well-behaved and have a good relationship with them. I pay half of my schooling costs, and they pay the other half. However, as of late, we’ve had two points of contention. The one is that they track me on my Life360 phone app. I do not have a car with me at college so this isn’t for driving. They believe that I, a petite young woman, is likely to get abducted and consistently tell me that. I repeatedly tell them that I never walk around outside or on public transportation with headphones in, stay in areas known to be safe, vary my routes, frequently busy areas, walk rather than bike or drive, never go out alone after dark, etc.

This leads into the second issue, which is that I like to do what I call “explore” in my free time. This doesn’t happen that often. But, in the day, I like to go to a random college town, say, 45 minutes away via train and just walk around on a Sunday. I do this and any other exploring alone. Again, I stay on main streets that are well-lit, and do so in the day. I would also like to visit the major city my college is located near (think NYC or San Francisco), yes, alone, but my parents tell me that they forbid me from doing so. I really want to.

WWYD?

You are sheltered country folk. You have no business walking around a major city by yourself. Find a friend to accompany you. You aren't being smart/savvy.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are intelligent. I am sure that you can think of a way to keep yourself safe and at the same time reassure your parents. What objection do you have to your parents solution if it is not stopping you from doing what you want to do?

[Anonymous]

Get a prepaid phone (if they track your credit card spending — which it sounds like they would be the type), you can buy a very cheap one with cash at Walmart, etc. You can buy top up cards with minutes on them. You don’t need much — just keep enough minutes that you could call someone if you did need help (911 does not cost minutes). Sorry they’re being so ridiculous. Only a year and a half before you’re free!

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP parents do not want her to be raped, killed, trafficked.

[Anonymous]

Two issues -
First the parents are have too hard of a time letting go. My girls have tracking on their phones but I have never once looked at it. I trust them to be mature and wise in their decisions. In an emergency it's good to know it's there though.

Second, these parents may have some good insight in that perhaps you are not as street smart as you think you are. To visit an unfamiliar city alone is not showing great wisdom so maybe tracking seems like a good backup. Or learn to travel in a group and see if that helps their sense of security.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

Wtaf? Not-so-young female here who has been exploring on my own since I was a teen. Provided OP is being reasonably safe about things (sticking to well-travelled, not super high crime areas, daylight, not doing drugs in a strange place/with strangers, letting someone know generally what her plans are) which it sounds like she is, there is no reason for her to constantly need a chaperone, especially in a country she has lived in for presumably all or most of her life where she speaks the language. The fact that you think otherwise boggles my mind. OP is an adult herself; if she were a younger teen living at home, I might think she was perfectly safe but wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents so strongly.

OP is barely an adult.
Look, I backpacked in Europe back in the day too. I suggested letting my college aged girls do it on this forum and the majority of responses thought I was nuts. And I consider Europe much safer than the US. Times are different. It’s smart for everyone (male and female) to travel together in big cities.

You can think that. But it would be unreasonable to hold your child’s education hostage like OP’s parents are.

She’s gonna have to put on her big girl panties since she’s an adult now and decide if it’s worth it. Its her parents money and[b] not your decision whether it’s reasonable. To suggest she be dishonest and get a burner phone and lie to her parents isnt a reasonable response IMO.

It’s not reasonable. You sound like an over controlling parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

Wtaf? Not-so-young female here who has been exploring on my own since I was a teen. Provided OP is being reasonably safe about things (sticking to well-travelled, not super high crime areas, daylight, not doing drugs in a strange place/with strangers, letting someone know generally what her plans are) which it sounds like she is, there is no reason for her to constantly need a chaperone, especially in a country she has lived in for presumably all or most of her life where she speaks the language. The fact that you think otherwise boggles my mind. OP is an adult herself; if she were a younger teen living at home, I might think she was perfectly safe but wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents so strongly.

We’re all clearly biased by our own experiences. I grew up in a more rural area and while I thought I was being safe once I got into a bigger city, I was SO NAIVE. So dumbly trusting. If she doesn’t have city smarts, maybe that’s why her parents are concerned. I don’t know what area OP is talking about or if this applies to her, but it’s certainly better safe than sorry. Being tracked on Life 360 isn’t a big deal - my husband and I track each other - or exploring with a friend. She hasn’t said her parents throw down consequences or threaten to take away funds.

Women are competent, capable adults. They can be independent and don't need parents or a husband tracking their moves and telling them where they can or can't go. Op needs to bran out to learn or she will end up an anxious, naive woman controlled by a man because she doesn't believe she as a woman can be independent. I grew up rurally too but then left in my 20s and travelled the world alone. I didn't need parents or a man to keep an eye on me or tell me what to do or help me navigate life.

Wtaf PP here and yes this! I grew up in a very rural area and didn't have a huge amount of "street smarts" when I started travelling on my own. Which I did starting at 18, in countries where I wasn't fluent in the language and didn't have a cell phone. I cannot believe people think that an 18yo in her home country with a cell phone is so horribly vulnerable she should never stir from her dorm without company or parental supervision.

And no, actually, the world was much less safe when we were travelling on our own. We just talked about it less.

Nobody said that at all. It was said tracking and/or exploring with a friend is a good idea. Buying a burner phone and not letting your parents know where you are is a poor idea. No one said she should never leave her dorm room alone.

Her parents DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHERE SHE IS EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY. SHE’S AWAY AT COLLEGE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

Wtaf? Not-so-young female here who has been exploring on my own since I was a teen. Provided OP is being reasonably safe about things (sticking to well-travelled, not super high crime areas, daylight, not doing drugs in a strange place/with strangers, letting someone know generally what her plans are) which it sounds like she is, there is no reason for her to constantly need a chaperone, especially in a country she has lived in for presumably all or most of her life where she speaks the language. The fact that you think otherwise boggles my mind. OP is an adult herself; if she were a younger teen living at home, I might think she was perfectly safe but wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents so strongly.

We’re all clearly biased by our own experiences. I grew up in a more rural area and while I thought I was being safe once I got into a bigger city, I was SO NAIVE. So dumbly trusting. If she doesn’t have city smarts, maybe that’s why her parents are concerned. I don’t know what area OP is talking about or if this applies to her, but it’s certainly better safe than sorry. Being tracked on Life 360 isn’t a big deal - my husband and I track each other - or exploring with a friend. She hasn’t said her parents throw down consequences or threaten to take away funds.

Women are competent, capable adults. They can be independent and don't need parents or a husband tracking their moves and telling them where they can or can't go. Op needs to bran out to learn or she will end up an anxious, naive woman controlled by a man because she doesn't believe she as a woman can be independent. I grew up rurally too but then left in my 20s and travelled the world alone. I didn't need parents or a man to keep an eye on me or tell me what to do or help me navigate life.

Wtaf PP here and yes this! I grew up in a very rural area and didn't have a huge amount of "street smarts" when I started travelling on my own. Which I did starting at 18, in countries where I wasn't fluent in the language and didn't have a cell phone. I cannot believe people think that an 18yo in her home country with a cell phone is so horribly vulnerable she should never stir from her dorm without company or parental supervision.

And no, actually, the world was much less safe when we were travelling on our own. We just talked about it less.

Nobody said that at all. It was said tracking and/or exploring with a friend is a good idea. Buying a burner phone and not letting your parents know where you are is a poor idea. No one said she should never leave her dorm room alone.

Buying a burner phone and having independence as an adult is a great idea. No one needs to be tracked. That is incredibly unhealthy and controlling.

Until her parents find out (which they will). Seriously lying is never a good idea. It’s so disrespectful to someone paying your tuition.
Losing my relationship with my parents wouldn’t be worth it. If she feels this strongly then she should not accept their tuition money and assert her independence fully.

Nope. Prepaid phone. Don’t tell them. They won’t find out. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP parents do not want her to be raped, killed, trafficked.

[Anonymous]

This outrages me because people don’t treat SONS like this. We only tell our daughters that they have to clip their wings and go through life in fear.

OP, I explored all over New York City while in college. And after graduation I traveled to dozens of countries, many that people told me were “too dangerous” for a single woman. They are wrong! Keep exploring, stay independent, don’t let narrow minds and gender stereotypes hold you back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Looks like I’ll be getting a new phone!

Good for you girl! It's not like you can't still use the other one at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

Wtaf? Not-so-young female here who has been exploring on my own since I was a teen. Provided OP is being reasonably safe about things (sticking to well-travelled, not super high crime areas, daylight, not doing drugs in a strange place/with strangers, letting someone know generally what her plans are) which it sounds like she is, there is no reason for her to constantly need a chaperone, especially in a country she has lived in for presumably all or most of her life where she speaks the language. The fact that you think otherwise boggles my mind. OP is an adult herself; if she were a younger teen living at home, I might think she was perfectly safe but wouldn't encourage her to go against her parents so strongly.

We’re all clearly biased by our own experiences. I grew up in a more rural area and while I thought I was being safe once I got into a bigger city, I was SO NAIVE. So dumbly trusting. If she doesn’t have city smarts, maybe that’s why her parents are concerned. I don’t know what area OP is talking about or if this applies to her, but it’s certainly better safe than sorry. Being tracked on Life 360 isn’t a big deal - my husband and I track each other - or exploring with a friend. She hasn’t said her parents throw down consequences or threaten to take away funds.

Women are competent, capable adults. They can be independent and don't need parents or a husband tracking their moves and telling them where they can or can't go. Op needs to bran out to learn or she will end up an anxious, naive woman controlled by a man because she doesn't believe she as a woman can be independent. I grew up rurally too but then left in my 20s and travelled the world alone. I didn't need parents or a man to keep an eye on me or tell me what to do or help me navigate life.

Wtaf PP here and yes this! I grew up in a very rural area and didn't have a huge amount of "street smarts" when I started travelling on my own. Which I did starting at 18, in countries where I wasn't fluent in the language and didn't have a cell phone. I cannot believe people think that an 18yo in her home country with a cell phone is so horribly vulnerable she should never stir from her dorm without company or parental supervision.

And no, actually, the world was much less safe when we were travelling on our own. We just talked about it less.

Nobody said that at all. It was said tracking and/or exploring with a friend is a good idea. Buying a burner phone and not letting your parents know where you are is a poor idea. No one said she should never leave her dorm room alone.

Buying a burner phone and having independence as an adult is a great idea. No one needs to be tracked. That is incredibly unhealthy and controlling.

Until her parents find out (which they will). Seriously lying is never a good idea. It’s so disrespectful to someone paying your tuition.
Losing my relationship with my parents wouldn’t be worth it. If she feels this strongly then she should not accept their tuition money and assert her independence fully.

Nope. Prepaid phone. Don’t tell them. They won’t find out. Sorry.

With a tracker, they won’t know until that’s already happened anyway. Same deal with the unfortunate Whitman story mentioned above. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP parents do not want her to be raped, killed, trafficked.

With a tracker, they won’t know until that’s already happened anyway. Same deal with the unfortunate Whitman story mentioned above. Sorry.