Female college student—my parents track me on Life360
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Anonymous
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Hello.
I am currently a junior in college, and my parents, whom I love and respect, tend to be a bit controlling. I am from a rural area and attend college in a suburb of a major city. I would consider myself to be very well-behaved and have a good relationship with them. I pay half of my schooling costs, and they pay the other half. However, as of late, we’ve had two points of contention. The one is that they track me on my Life360 phone app. I do not have a car with me at college so this isn’t for driving. They believe that I, a petite young woman, is likely to get abducted and consistently tell me that. I repeatedly tell them that I never walk around outside or on public transportation with headphones in, stay in areas known to be safe, vary my routes, frequently busy areas, walk rather than bike or drive, never go out alone after dark, etc. This leads into the second issue, which is that I like to do what I call “explore” in my free time. This doesn’t happen that often. But, in the day, I like to go to a random college town, say, 45 minutes away via train and just walk around on a Sunday. I do this and any other exploring alone. Again, I stay on main streets that are well-lit, and do so in the day. I would also like to visit the major city my college is located near (think NYC or San Francisco), yes, alone, but my parents tell me that they forbid me from doing so. I really want to. WWYD? |
Anonymous
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While they are definitely overbearing and controlling, you have to decide if it is worth it to make this a big issue. Is there a chance they would pull funding if you stood up to them? If so,, then as unfair as it is, stick it out for another 1.5 years and graduate and then you will have control.
If you think they would continue to fund you but just be disappointed in your choice to do things they have decided are too risky - then I would go for it. Learning to have a voice and to assert yourself and to take control of your own safety is very important in life and will do more to keep you safe in the long run than being tracked and controlled. |
Anonymous
| Get a cheap burner phone. Leave your bugged phone at home when you do your exploring. |
Anonymous
| Just get a burner phone so that you have the security of having a phone in case of emergency when you go exploring. Leave the cell phone at home. Live your life. |
Anonymous
| Agree with pp’s on a second phone. |
Anonymous
+1 My generation managed backpacking in sketchy parts of Europe without cell phones or advance hostel reservations and lived to tell the tale! I'm sorry your parents are so worried about you, but you sound totally reasonable. How do they forbid you anything, as an adult? Are they threatening to take away funding? |
Anonymous
+2 Seriously, just get your own phone. |
Anonymous
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OP, I sympathize. My parents were very controlling and overbearing, but at least I attended college before the cell phone age and had some freedom. Them "forbidding" you from exploring during your down time is over the top. I second the other posters suggestion about getting another phone.
Once I became a parent I've had to wrestle with the question of how to protect my kids from danger while also allowing them room to explore and grow as individuals. Everything I've learned tells me that being extremely draconian will only make your kids rebel and sneak around. That's what's happening here. I wish you luck in your growth. Be smart and responsible. |
Anonymous
OP here. Yes, they do threaten to take away funding. |
Anonymous
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Ugh, sorry, OP. That’s completely invasive. You are young- you should be out exploring the world!
+1 on second phone. You are entitled to privacy. |
Anonymous
What type of funding? Do they threaten to stop paying for college? If so, I would get a second phone and be careful not to tell them. So ridiculous but you gotta do what you gotta do. I wouldn’t feel an ounce guilty over it either. |
Anonymous
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Do they simply want to keep an eye on your whereabouts or are they actively forbidding you from going to places they feel are too “dangerous”?
As a parent w college age children, I do appreciate that from time to time I can see their whereabouts. Part of it is simply my missing them terribly. Another part is for me to be aware of unforeseen situations (DS went to NYC for the first time last year)l. I also appreciate that my kids are now adults who don’t need me to tell them what to do, where to go, etc. They do call to ask for advice and we share our locations with each other. So as long as your parents stay outside of boundaries you set, I don’t see an issue with them having your location. But if your daily movements are being restricted, then you should let them know that you won’t share your location any more. Just curious, are you an Asian female? My niece is Japanese and the family doesn’t worry about her living in NYC alone. |
Anonymous
OP here. I’m white. The funding I’m referring to is about most of tuition (after scholarship), whereas I cover housing from working. It concerns me that, aside from them telling me I “can’t” visit that city, when I tell them I went to the nearby college town (I have a bad habit of oversharing with them), they panic. That town is not unsafe by any definition. They tell me they look at Life360 often. |
Anonymous
| Leave the phone in your dorm room or apartment and live your life! |
Anonymous
OP here. My concern about that is the I use my phone to navigate. I could look into using paper maps or a touchscreen burner phone I suppose. |