Female college student—my parents track me on Life360

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they simply want to keep an eye on your whereabouts or are they actively forbidding you from going to places they feel are too “dangerous”?

As a parent w college age children, I do appreciate that from time to time I can see their whereabouts. Part of it is simply my missing them terribly. Another part is for me to be aware of unforeseen situations (DS went to NYC for the first time last year)l. I also appreciate that my kids are now adults who don’t need me to tell them what to do, where to go, etc. They do call to ask for advice and we share our locations with each other. So as long as your parents stay outside of boundaries you set, I don’t see an issue with them having your location. But if your daily movements are being restricted, then you should let them know that you won’t share your location any more.

Just curious, are you an Asian female? My niece is Japanese and the family doesn’t worry about her living in NYC alone.

OP here. I’m white.

The funding I’m referring to is about most of tuition (after scholarship), whereas I cover housing from working.

It concerns me that, aside from them telling me I “can’t” visit that city, when I tell them I went to the nearby college town (I have a bad habit of oversharing with them), they panic. That town is not unsafe by any definition. They tell me they look at Life360 often.

You need to get better at not disclosing certain information. Your job is not to manage their anxiety or make them feel better - only they can do that. Get a second phone and leave yours at home routinely, and then don’t mention your trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I sympathize. My parents were very controlling and overbearing, but at least I attended college before the cell phone age and had some freedom. Them "forbidding" you from exploring during your down time is over the top. I second the other posters suggestion about getting another phone.

Once I became a parent I've had to wrestle with the question of how to protect my kids from danger while also allowing them room to explore and grow as individuals. Everything I've learned tells me that being extremely draconian will only make your kids rebel and sneak around. That's what's happening here. I wish you luck in your growth. Be smart and responsible.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello.

I am currently a junior in college, and my parents, whom I love and respect, tend to be a bit controlling. I am from a rural area and attend college in a suburb of a major city. I would consider myself to be very well-behaved and have a good relationship with them. I pay half of my schooling costs, and they pay the other half. However, as of late, we’ve had two points of contention. The one is that they track me on my Life360 phone app. I do not have a car with me at college so this isn’t for driving. They believe that I, a petite young woman, is likely to get abducted and consistently tell me that. I repeatedly tell them that I never walk around outside or on public transportation with headphones in, stay in areas known to be safe, vary my routes, frequently busy areas, walk rather than bike or drive, never go out alone after dark, etc.

This leads into the second issue, which is that I like to do what I call “explore” in my free time. This doesn’t happen that often. But, in the day, I like to go to a random college town, say, 45 minutes away via train and just walk around on a Sunday. I do this and any other exploring alone. Again, I stay on main streets that are well-lit, and do so in the day. I would also like to visit the major city my college is located near (think NYC or San Francisco), yes, alone, but my parents tell me that they forbid me from doing so. I really want to.

WWYD?

Remove the app or leave the phone behind during these excursions. Or get a job and get your own phone line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they simply want to keep an eye on your whereabouts or are they actively forbidding you from going to places they feel are too “dangerous”?

As a parent w college age children, I do appreciate that from time to time I can see their whereabouts. Part of it is simply my missing them terribly. Another part is for me to be aware of unforeseen situations (DS went to NYC for the first time last year)l. I also appreciate that my kids are now adults who don’t need me to tell them what to do, where to go, etc. They do call to ask for advice and we share our locations with each other. So as long as your parents stay outside of boundaries you set, I don’t see an issue with them having your location. But if your daily movements are being restricted, then you should let them know that you won’t share your location any more.

Just curious, are you an Asian female? My niece is Japanese and the family doesn’t worry about her living in NYC alone.

OP here. I’m white.

The funding I’m referring to is about most of tuition (after scholarship), whereas I cover housing from working.

It concerns me that, aside from them telling me I “can’t” visit that city, when I tell them I went to the nearby college town (I have a bad habit of oversharing with them), they panic. That town is not unsafe by any definition. They tell me they look at Life360 often.

I"m sorry, OP. It sounds a bit much. I have Life360 on both of my DSs who are away at school. They also have mine, their father's, and so on. I almost never look at it nor do I tell them where to go, etc. So I don't think the Life360 in and of itself is bad, but the controlling aspect from your parents definitely is. Are you an only child? (I am, and my mother was rather controlling).

I normally would never advise someone to sneak around from their parents, but assuming that you have tried having a conversation about what you are doing and how it's fine, I would do as others suggest and get a separate phone. Leave the tracked one in your dorm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hello.

I am currently a junior in college, and my parents, whom I love and respect, tend to be a bit controlling. I am from a rural area and attend college in a suburb of a major city. I would consider myself to be very well-behaved and have a good relationship with them. I pay half of my schooling costs, and they pay the other half. However, as of late, we’ve had two points of contention. The one is that they track me on my Life360 phone app. I do not have a car with me at college so this isn’t for driving. They believe that I, a petite young woman, is likely to get abducted and consistently tell me that. I repeatedly tell them that I never walk around outside or on public transportation with headphones in, stay in areas known to be safe, vary my routes, frequently busy areas, walk rather than bike or drive, never go out alone after dark, etc.

This leads into the second issue, which is that I like to do what I call “explore” in my free time. This doesn’t happen that often. But, in the day, I like to go to a random college town, say, 45 minutes away via train and just walk around on a Sunday. I do this and any other exploring alone. Again, I stay on main streets that are well-lit, and do so in the day. I would also like to visit the major city my college is located near (think NYC or San Francisco), yes, alone, but my parents tell me that they forbid me from doing so. I really want to.

WWYD?

Remove the app or leave the phone behind during these excursions. Or get a job and get your own phone line.

You can’t read.

[Anonymous]

I'd cut your parents a little slack. You're looking for their approval and oversharing it sounds like. Explore where you want and maybe they'll see after the fact.
However if you're from a rural area they are probably well-intentioned and just very nervous about a different environment. You can completely control what you do when you pay the phone and other bills!

[Anonymous]

Can you trade phones with an understanding friend on those days? One who has no plans to leave campus?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd cut your parents a little slack. You're looking for their approval and oversharing it sounds like. Explore where you want and maybe they'll see after the fact.
However if you're from a rural area they are probably well-intentioned and just very nervous about a different environment. You can completely control what you do when you pay the phone and other bills!

No. This is not a healthy way for a young adult to manage their life. Tied to campus to appease anxious parents far away. That's not fair to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd cut your parents a little slack. You're looking for their approval and oversharing it sounds like. Explore where you want and maybe they'll see after the fact.
However if you're from a rural area they are probably well-intentioned and just very nervous about a different environment. You can completely control what you do when you pay the phone and other bills!

No. This is not a healthy way for a young adult to manage their life. Tied to campus to appease anxious parents far away. That's not fair to her.

You can't read either.

[Anonymous]

Just get a second phone and pay for it yourself and spend less time exploring and more time getting yourself situated to get a job as soon as you graduate so you can move to the other side of the country and only see your parents twice a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a cheap burner phone. Leave your bugged phone at home when you do your exploring.

+1

[Anonymous]

I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you go into the major city with a friend? It'll be much more fun anyway. I understand wanting time by yourself, but maybe save that for more local adventures.

Look, the reality is, while you are dependent on your parents money or home or health insurance/phone plan, you ARE under their control. You want to be free of their control? Then suck it up and wait a year and a half until you're finished with college, move out, get a job and support yourself.

[Anonymous]

Talk to one of the counsellors / therapists at your school. They hear a lot about over controlling parents and can help you navigate how to manage it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious what area you live in?
The steps you take - vary route? - do give the sense that it’s not a safe area. And it’s reasonable to ask young females to explore with another person. I may be biased, but the number of adults here encouraging a burner phone boggles my mind.

I live IN San Francisco, go for walks every day for exercise, and always walk in the same area around the same time. I can't vary it because these are the only places to walk near me without having to cross streets, but there are tons of other people around also walking/running/biking/commuting. Only once did I sort of get attacked, and that was by a dog on a leash.