S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

Shh, or the posters who are convinced they could never cheat and/or it could never happen to them will hear! You’ll destroy their deep need to see the world in black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

No. That’s a BS saying. In fact, many are not even trying. They are taking the easy way out and doing everything for selfish reasons or personal gain. They also tend to be people that make up a lot of crap in their minds to justify doing what they want with no care to who might be hurt in the process.

Now, I agree that they are likely emotionally immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

No. That’s a BS saying. In fact, many are not even trying. They are taking the easy way out and doing everything for selfish reasons or personal gain. They also tend to be people that make up a lot of crap in their minds to justify doing what they want with no care to who might be hurt in the process.

Now, I agree that they are likely emotionally immature.

^^^ dang, they showed up before I could respond!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

Shh, or the posters who are convinced they could never cheat and/or it could never happen to them will hear! You’ll destroy their deep need to see the world in black and white.

STFU. Oh I’m sure you are so evolved and have such a tragic situation. Lots of people have problems and troubles and still maintain a basic moral compass. There is nothing in the world that forces you to open your legs or stick a D in someone other than your spouse. Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

Shh, or the posters who are convinced they could never cheat and/or it could never happen to them will hear! You’ll destroy their deep need to see the world in black and white.

STFU. Oh I’m sure you are so evolved and have such a tragic situation. Lots of people have problems and troubles and still maintain a basic moral compass. There is nothing in the world that forces you to open your legs or stick a D in someone other than your spouse. Nothing.

Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people are not all good or bad. Most people are doing the best they can to be the best they can on any given day and many many people fall short and a small number of them just give up and wallow in the bad decision(s).

No. That’s a BS saying. In fact, many are not even trying. They are taking the easy way out and doing everything for selfish reasons or personal gain. They also tend to be people that make up a lot of crap in their minds to justify doing what they want with no care to who might be hurt in the process.

Now, I agree that they are likely emotionally immature.

Yeah. It’s people of weak character that spout that kind of crap. Blameless. “Of you don’t know the life I had. I was in a really bad place so I had to go meet strange men online and blow them behind his back.”

[Anonymous]

I know someone whose spouse became incredibly incapacitated and needed full time care. She wasn't going to divorce him because he needed her health insurance, but the marriage was for all intents and purposes dead, and here's the key . . . he was incapable of consenting to an open marriage. In that instance, I think getting her needs met elsewhere was fine.

But 99.99% of spouses ARE capable of consent and it's not OK to bring secret sexual partners into an explicitly monogamous relationship without your partner's consent. All of the "justifications" for cheating are really justifications for ending or opening a relationship. It's that the cheater wants to have their cake and eat it too, keeping their clueless partner on the hook but having fun on the side.

By conflating a relationship that might need to end/be opened with a justification to cheat, the cheater unilaterally throws a grenade into the marriage that may explode at any time. "I never meant to hurt you" is a really dumb thing to say after lobbing a grenade . . . "I hoped the grenade I threw wouldn't explode!" impresses no one with its logic. You could have sat your partner down and said, "OK, so I'm really at a point where I want to sleep with someone else. Where should we go from here?"

The desire to sleep with a new person often comes first and the justification gets filled in later. And yes, it's very human to bond with someone new and want to jump their bones, but we also have self-awareness which we can use to catch feelings of attraction in their early stages. These things don't "just happen". . . we choose to keep spending time with someone we think is attractive, to send vaguely flirty texts, etc.

We're all somewhere on a spectrum of self realization and if you are disconnected from your inner dialogue and don't notice when you are making up lame excuses to justify a primal urge, then you're probably on the less actualized side of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about just being bored and wanting to have great sex again?

I am sure that's a lot of it, but OP wants some admission that cheaters are evil and such and motivated by a super human drive to destroy people and also hate their kids because think of the children.

OP and the DH at 16:10 are probably DCUM’s Hall of Fame betrayed insane wife and slutty cheating husband. When their relationship gets rough the cheating threads here multiply like so many lies he told her over a multi-year affair. It started to become a visible pattern when she found out during the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it's my life.

It is also the life of your spouse and kids. I bet when you file taxes it’s not “your life,” your home is the family home. You are emotionally abusing your family by lying to them; you are physically abusing your spouse by exposing them to diseases you may catch by cheating. Your spouse should not live a lie because you are selfish and think your marriage is all about you.

[Anonymous]

Honestly what’s the big deal if he cheats? Your marriage sucks otherwise DH wouldn't be having an affair. He’s obviously bored with you and you’re delusional if you think he’s happy.

[Anonymous]

Why does someone need or want married D?? They aren’t hot enough to get single D? Never in my life would I give a married guy time if day. I had too much going on and plenty of hot successful men that were t going home and sleeping with their wives and only available for hour increments every so often.

You are either not prime A or have many screws loose.

[Anonymous]

It’s because your DH is hot and he’s miserable at home. You don’t appreciate him. Why is it my problem that your DH is stepping out? I’m not the one who is married.

[Anonymous]

Easy.

I'm repulsed by my abusive husband.

He has bankrupt us, making it really difficult to move out. He's also a high earning narcissist, so he uses every paycheck to golf, try to get into the pants of compliant cocktail waitresses, and drag out the divorce process.

So I cheat because I deserve to be loved. It's self care for me.

I wouldn't touch my STBX's diseased d!ck if it were the last one on earth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s because your DH is hot and he’s miserable at home. You don’t appreciate him. Why is it my problem that your DH is stepping out? I’m not the one who is married.

Why are you wasting your time on married men then? Daddy issues? Severe low self-esteem? Mental illness? No woman in her right mind would choose a man who sleeps next to his wife every night unless she was so damaged or unattractive that she couldn't find the same on the single dating market.