S/O How do you justify having an affair?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Talk about self-serving self talk!

He is not TRAPPED. He just wants his cake and eat it too.

You have "landed" a lying husband and father's part time attention.

Not sure how one convinces oneself that is ANY kind of prize.

I doubt PP cares. She is in it for the sex.

Doubtful. The longer it goes on she’ll be dreaming if his wife dying in a car crash and/or hoping for their marriage to break up. They all get the feels. Her time already sounds like she does, and doing mental gymnastics about his wife being the bad guy, lapping up all of his lies and BS. The classic suspension of disbelief.

You sound like you’re projecting. Maybe this is what YOU would do. Perhaps you get overly attached from sex. Some women do, but you don’t know PP have no idea how she feels or will feel. Stop projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They weren’t raised right. Somewhere along the line they learned this could be an option. Weak character with poor morals. Lying and going behind someone’s back.

I know cheaters like to say “oh you don’t know, everyone’s capable of it, blah, blah, blah”, but that is just false. I have had every opportunity under the sun to cheat. I have been cheated on—and not once did I ever consider doing it. To the point, I’ve removed myself from a situation, declined an invitation, cut off or pulled back when it felt like an opposite sex friendship was getting too “friendly”. In one instance, I thought of the wife and made a point to see it through her eyes.

This isn’t self-righteous. It’s just a fact. Some of us have an honesty and integrity that even if we are unhappy in a relationship or not having needs met we wouldn’t resort to cheating. Ever. Period.

You have empathy and self-awareness. It’s shown it’s something cheaters lack.

Yes. There is always something mentally unstable or a self-esteem issue that allows people to be an OW or to cheat in a marriage. Always.

So 40% of all people are mentally unstable?

NP and that sounds about right

[Anonymous]

After years of no sex and waiting for my kids to grow up I dabbled in some extramarital sex and loved it, but it wasn't an affair it was more of an exit strategy. It made me realize I needed to move on so that's what I did. In retrospect I think my H had low T.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After years of trying to get my spouse to participate in a real and satisfying sex life, I outsourced.

I lived with myself by noting that I shouldn't have to lose my kids and finances, and if it ever got discovered, I am in the same place as I would be if we just divorced since we are no-fault.

Is this that hard to understand even if you don't agree with it?

I am living this right now. I am the DW in the situation. Just found my husband's third affair. He always wanted more sex than me. after DC1, sex declined of course. while DC was still a baby, i was still nursing, DH started his first affair. Sex declined even further after that. Then some years later, with 2 kids now, the 2nd affair occurred. again, b/c he wants more sex than i give him. so as a result.... our sex life declines even further. so now we're at affair number 3.

and do the question on the top of the thread, how do you justify it? my DH says what this PP says, and also claims sex addiction.

Clearly the problem is that you kept having more children with this man. No affair happens without problems in the marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Oy vey, PP. Please realize this is the version of his life that he is telling you. My DH also told his AP that he was in a miserable marriage blah blah blah. The reality was that we were playful, loving, had a very active sex life, regular date nights, etc.

This is the trademark of cheaters- villianizing their spouse to maximizing minimal discomfort in their marriage to make themselves not feel as guilty.

+100

[Anonymous]

I'm having a great time having sex with your DH. No strings attached and the sex is AMAZING!

[Anonymous]

...and if you don't want our husband, I'll take him. He's HOT and I'm LOVING the attention.

[Anonymous]

your*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never cheated on my spouse, but now that I’m divorced I have a totally different perspective on it. I have been sleeping with a married man. He’s miserable in his marriage, where I used to be. I get where he’s at. Trapped in his self inflicted prison until his kids get older. If his marriage was awesome, he would be looking for love and sex elsewhere.

Talk about self-serving self talk!

He is not TRAPPED. He just wants his cake and eat it too.

You have "landed" a lying husband and father's part time attention.

Not sure how one convinces oneself that is ANY kind of prize.

Not every man just wants his cake and eat it too. Some are legitimately good people who are just stuck in bad situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex enjoyed th cheating game. The sneaking made it better.

Unfortunately yes, the sneaking does make it better...but when you're caught then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s cultural as well. There were times/places where cheating was just expected, especially for men.

I know some women who are so used to the expectation that all men cheat, that they make fun of their husbands for staying faithful. It’s really sad. It’s like those women who think a man who doesn’t hit them doesn’t care about them.

[Anonymous]

It's just easier to go elsewhere than blow up your family. But by the time you're cheating, there are problems in the marriage and it's not always DH's fault.

[Anonymous]

Affairs are justified in the same way that people justify not having regular sex with their spouse. The same fundamental question is at issue: Is sex important to a marriage? If YES: there would not ever be a sexless marriage, nor cheating. If NO: nothing wrong with infrequent marital sex, nothing wrong with the normal libido doing that unimportant thing (sex) elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are justified in the same way that people justify not having regular sex with their spouse. The same fundamental question is at issue: Is sex important to a marriage? If YES: there would not ever be a sexless marriage, nor cheating. If NO: nothing wrong with infrequent marital sex, nothing wrong with the normal libido doing that unimportant thing (sex) elsewhere.

You would be right if cheating was all about sex. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Affairs are justified in the same way that people justify not having regular sex with their spouse. The same fundamental question is at issue: Is sex important to a marriage? If YES: there would not ever be a sexless marriage, nor cheating. If NO: nothing wrong with infrequent marital sex, nothing wrong with the normal libido doing that unimportant thing (sex) elsewhere.

You would be right if cheating was all about sex. Unfortunately, that’s not the case for many people.

Especially because the vast majority of men are getting plenty of weekly sex at home. In fact, many get even more of it during the affair.