Carolyn Hax - can someone be a good person if they don't love dogs? WTF

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it is a character flaw, especially if they do not like animals or pets in general. Ask a dog about the character of a person, and you will get your answer.

I feel the same way

I'm the opposite. I consider people like you two who are intolerant of other people with other opinions and preferences to be the ones with a character flaw.

Pot meet kettle

I don't think you know what that means.

The error is yours

[Anonymous]

I'm very much a dog person. I love dogs. But lots of people don't because they are loud and dirty and sometimes scary. It's not a character flaw.

On the other hand, if someone says they hate cats, I don't trust them. People frequently hate cats because they are annoyed that they can't control cats. They don't like that cats are independent and show affection on the cat's schedule. People who don't like cats are either controlling or super needy or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

Not the PP to whom you're responding, I'm a DP.

Your answer is kindly meant, but I hope you can step back and with a little objectivity see how the part in bold is basically equating a child with a pet. Do you have children, PP?

Np here but some of us are not do desperate for a man that we accept whatever crap he throws at us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

Not the PP to whom you're responding, I'm a DP.

Your answer is kindly meant, but I hope you can step back and with a little objectivity see how the part in bold is basically equating a child with a pet. Do you have children, PP?

Omg, she didn’t say children and pets are the same. But they are both dependent on their parents (or pawrents) and thus occupy a somewhat similar position.

DP, and I agree that the PP was not equating children with pets. As to the substance, I disagree. My DH, who is overall a great person and a wonderful father, does not like animals. After 15 years of marriage and three kids together, we made a decision to get a dog for a variety of reasons, but partially because one of our kids was having health issues (we thought that having a dog as a companion would help her through treatment and recovery - and it did!!). My DH made it clear that he would not be the caretaker for the dog; and in fact, he doesn't really engage at all. However, he doesn't actively hate the dog and will admit that even though having a pet would not be his choice, he accepts her because of how much joy and happiness she brings to the rest of the family.

Yes but I'm sure if the dog came over to your husband for Pat's or to throw a ball he wouldn't ignore it.
I'm sure he would, feed, and walk her if she needed it and no one else is available or to sick to do it.
If heaven for bid your husband and the dog were the only ones left I doubt he'd dump the dog.
Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

Not the PP to whom you're responding, I'm a DP.

Your answer is kindly meant, but I hope you can step back and with a little objectivity see how the part in bold is basically equating a child with a pet. Do you have children, PP?

Np here. Kids and dogs are not the same. But I wouldn't be okay with having a partner who ignored or was unkind to my pet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is lovely but is not a dog person (where she grew up dogs were dirty outside animals) but she is kind to my dog, who is little and cute and (mostly) well-behaved. I have a step-parent who doesn't like dogs (was attacked by one as a child) and they are one of the most loving people I know, but I don't take my -- again little, cute and (mostly) well-behaved -- dog to their house ever (they live in another state) out of respect for their fear.

People who kick and harm dogs and other animals are psychopaths but just not being a dog person isn't some sign of a character flaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the largest gaps when it comes to interracial dating is on the topic of dogs.

I’m surprised when I run into a white person who is anti dog.

I like dogs, but I don't love them or want one. I grew up on a farm and have been around many animals. I don't want to be around them any more. I'm white, not born here though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm very much a dog person. I love dogs. But lots of people don't because they are loud and dirty and sometimes scary. It's not a character flaw.

On the other hand, if someone says they hate cats, I don't trust them. People frequently hate cats because they are annoyed that they can't control cats. They don't like that cats are independent and show affection on the cat's schedule. People who don't like cats are either controlling or super needy or both.

What a weird assessment. I don't like cats at all. I find the whole litter box thing rather gross. I don't like that they wander on kitchen counters and shelves. I'm not interested in controlling animals beyond teaching them manners, but you can't do that with cats. Not all dog breeds are super affectionate either, but all can be trained. I just find owning a cat pointless, and if I"m going to have to lint roll all the clothing I own anyway, I'd rather have an animal who will at least guard my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

It is so funny to me that somebody could read this and think “yes, and the people who don’t like these animals are untrustworthy cold-hearted bastards.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the largest gaps when it comes to interracial dating is on the topic of dogs.

I’m surprised when I run into a white person who is anti dog.

I like dogs, but I don't love them or want one. I grew up on a farm and have been around many animals. I don't want to be around them any more. I'm white, not born here though.

I find the PP (not you the farm person) a little odd. I'm assuming that poster is black, as am I. I own dogs, most of my black friends own them as well. So no idea why that would be a barrier in interracial dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This week's Carolyn Hx Reader question is ridiculous.

Dear Carolyn: Do you think someone can truly be a good person if they don't love dogs? I have a boyfriend whom I could really see a future with — except that he doesn't love dogs. I have such a problem with that.
He has never had a dog, says he has never wanted one, and, when he is around my dog, seems mostly indifferent. On the other hand, he's smart and funny and successful and kind. But it hurts me that he and I will go out and have a wonderful time together, and then we'll return to my house and I just want to hug my dog but my boyfriend is standing back like he thinks my dog is going to bite him or something. It just feels like it is a character red flag not to love dogs, isn't it?
— Must Love Dogs

There can be a lot of reasons that someone isn't a dog person - I didn't grow up with dogs, I'm not comfortable around them, I was bit by a dog once for no reason and the dog's owner refused to believe I didn't do something to provoke her precious little muffin (I literally held out my hadn't for the dog to sniff and dog chomped on me). But that doesn't make me any less lovable. It's fine for the OP to dump her boyfriend because he doesn't love her dog, but to say that he must be a bad person because he doesn't love her dog is narcissistic and if I were the BF, I'd think THAT was a red flag!!

What position was your hand in, OP, if you remember?

I'm sorry this happened and I totally understand how this could make someone a no-dog person, and that also makes me sad for what that person is missing, but I get it. Probably like me and cats; I just think they are dicks.

If your hand was in the wrong position and this was not explained at the time, I am sorry- and that still doesn't make it ok. If your hand was in a non-threatening position and the dog bit you, then that owner is a jerk and I hope their dog didn't go on to bite others. I don't think this is a character flaw in you.

I could be with a non-dog person possibly, as long as they also engaged with my pet, but if they didn't engage I don't think I could do it- like if I had a child and my partner wanted to also ignore them.

You arent supposed to hold your hand out to their face to begin with actually. Also, small dogs are annoying- the yip yaps. I love big dogs.

Yeah, PSA folks: don't hold your hand out to a dog's face. Of course they shouldn't bite and that's not a normal reaction, but when you don't know a dog, don't take a chance. Never pet a dog on the face or head, they find the back or shoulder unthreatening. No eye contact either.

It is so funny to me that somebody could read this and think “yes, and the people who don’t like these animals are untrustworthy cold-hearted bastards.”

I'm the PP, and I find that weird. I can understand that not everyone likes all animals (I would think twice before dating someone who keeps snakes, although I'm not sure I could tell you why) but mammals? If you like dogs and cats great. If you like one and not the other, fine. If you don't like either, also ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm very much a dog person. I love dogs. But lots of people don't because they are loud and dirty and sometimes scary. It's not a character flaw.

On the other hand, if someone says they hate cats, I don't trust them. People frequently hate cats because they are annoyed that they can't control cats. They don't like that cats are independent and show affection on the cat's schedule. People who don't like cats are either controlling or super needy or both.

What a weird assessment. I don't like cats at all. I find the whole litter box thing rather gross. I don't like that they wander on kitchen counters and shelves. I'm not interested in controlling animals beyond teaching them manners, but you can't do that with cats. Not all dog breeds are super affectionate either, but all can be trained. I just find owning a cat pointless, and if I"m going to have to lint roll all the clothing I own anyway, I'd rather have an animal who will at least guard my house.

Cats take care of mice, though, and I have had many more problems with mice in our garage than potential intruders.

All that said I don’t really like either. I had to clean up enough of my kids’ poop, I don’t want to deal with any other gross stuff if I don’t have to. Sadly, we do have a cat, but one of my kids has anxiety and the cat is really helpful. Managing her anxiety is worth the cat hair. But I really, really hate pet hair.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with dogs and I don't mind them. But there are people who make dogs their entire personality and/or take their dogs everywhere and I find it weird.

I also find that people who treat their dogs like babies often have extremely miserable dogs.

[Anonymous]

If someone loves dogs, judges those who don’t, but eat meat - I don’t want to hear it. You don’t love animals, you love your idea of what dogs are.

I grew up without pets and can’t imagine dedicating so much time and money to an animal.