Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

Anonymous
Dude is a loser with a capital “L.”
Anonymous
We're Jewish with Christian family and we do the same as BIL: happy to visit and spend time together, but gifts are exchanged for Christmas and we don't celebrate it. If it happens to fall during Hanukkah, like it will this year, we can get away with calling the gifts Hanukkah presents. Still, it's not hard to explain that Christmas is not our holiday and gifts are for those who celebrate. Like birthday gifts at someone else's birthday party.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.


Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.


Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.


I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Dude is a loser with a capital “L.”


I try not to intrude and be nosy but it seems like it. Thanks everyone. I will try to update after.
Anonymous
Maybe they can come later, when the gift exchange is over?
PS I hate meek women married to crazy guys who let them run the show and make life unnecessarily complicated for their kids!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:We're Jewish with Christian family and we do the same as BIL: happy to visit and spend time together, but gifts are exchanged for Christmas and we don't celebrate it. If it happens to fall during Hanukkah, like it will this year, we can get away with calling the gifts Hanukkah presents. Still, it's not hard to explain that Christmas is not our holiday and gifts are for those who celebrate. Like birthday gifts at someone else's birthday party.


Never heard of party favors? It's a thing. Gifts for others at a birthday party. Don't be a kill joy, lighten up.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.


The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.


Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.


No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?


Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.


The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.


Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.


No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?


Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.


And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Let their kid be sad and upset and let the parents deal with it. This will almost certainly backfire on them and they will learn the hard way.


Right. March with the herd or suffer the consequences.

Small minded people abound.

Bil and Sis can do whatever the heck they want. Anyone who posts about how SADZ this makes them is immature.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!


Yeah, this.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!


Agree! Part of going is the whole point of why it's largely secular holiday!

They may want to spend time with family at what OP said is one of the few times a year they all get together. But the "cultural" holiday is still based on Christianity. Would you expect BIL to go along with gifts from Santa (or from grandma, for that matter) if he we're Jewish or Muslim?

I think there's a difference between
1. getting together with family during their holiday and
2. partaking in Christmas gifts.

OP, let your sister and BIL handle their child's reaction. They will probably prepare him ahead of time for the fact that there will be gifts and he won't get one. If he gets upset in the moment, I'm sure they have thought about how to handle that too. Just trust them to parent their own kid.


Yes, actually, since he married into a Christian family and should himself respect their traditions.

--a Muslim
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!


Agree! Part of going is the whole point of why it's largely secular holiday!

They may want to spend time with family at what OP said is one of the few times a year they all get together. But the "cultural" holiday is still based on Christianity. Would you expect BIL to go along with gifts from Santa (or from grandma, for that matter) if he we're Jewish or Muslim?

I think there's a difference between
1. getting together with family during their holiday and
2. partaking in Christmas gifts.

OP, let your sister and BIL handle their child's reaction. They will probably prepare him ahead of time for the fact that there will be gifts and he won't get one. If he gets upset in the moment, I'm sure they have thought about how to handle that too. Just trust them to parent their own kid.


Yes, actually, since he married into a Christian family and should himself respect their traditions.

--a Muslim


Thank you so much for this. Nobody expects bil to go all in in anything, he is more than welcome to conduct his life and his household as he wishes. But why can’t he accept that his son’s grandmother would like to include his son, her grandson in one tradition?

For those who commented my sister is weak and wishy-washy, big agree. I feel like she should tell her husband to back off and let their son participate in the gift opening. It’s not religious at all. How is it harmful to accept a gift from grandma/Santa?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.


Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.


I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.


You are nuts and probably a troll. Mind your business.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.


The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.


Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.


No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?


Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.


And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.


He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.
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