Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

op here, I don’t know if he’s depressed, if he is, he’s choosing to be isolated from his extended family on his wife’s side.

Larlo was so funny and was part of the cousin pack. He sat so nicely with his hands crossed on his lap watching everyone open their gift until it was his turn. He gave the best hugs when they left. Great success!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

We’ve held the same Christmas tradition/celebration in our family for years/decades. We should stop doing so because my sister married an atheist that doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Bil was invited, he was not excluded. He chose to not attend. He received a gift (not a Christmas gift, just a gift at Christmas time) from his mom. My sister made the decision to attend and bil decided to not come. She’s Larlo’s mom, she gets a choice in what her son does, too. If she felt that Larlo should attend and receive a gift, she’s allowed to make that decision. It seems to me bil is fracturing his relationship with his preschool son and extended family by his choice. We didn’t pressure them at all to accept a gift for Larlo after she said they weren’t comfortable with it; sister decided after bil received a tv from his mom that Larlo should not have to go without a gift and fun family time. I am glad she stood up for her son. Otherwise Larlo would be denied something his dad accepted from his own mom under another name.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, BIL is a PITA. Hope he likes his random day in December TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

We’ve held the same Christmas tradition/celebration in our family for years/decades. We should stop doing so because my sister married an atheist that doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Bil was invited, he was not excluded. He chose to not attend. He received a gift (not a Christmas gift, just a gift at Christmas time) from his mom. My sister made the decision to attend and bil decided to not come. She’s Larlo’s mom, she gets a choice in what her son does, too. If she felt that Larlo should attend and receive a gift, she’s allowed to make that decision. It seems to me bil is fracturing his relationship with his preschool son and extended family by his choice. We didn’t pressure them at all to accept a gift for Larlo after she said they weren’t comfortable with it; sister decided after bil received a tv from his mom that Larlo should not have to go without a gift and fun family time. I am glad she stood up for her son. Otherwise Larlo would be denied something his dad accepted from his own mom under another name.

You keep showing how 'right' you are and you may be but nothing that any of you are doing to support their marriage or a harmonious relationship with your family. Anyone with any sense can see where this ends up and none of it is good for Larlo. Enjoy being right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

We’ve held the same Christmas tradition/celebration in our family for years/decades. We should stop doing so because my sister married an atheist that doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Bil was invited, he was not excluded. He chose to not attend. He received a gift (not a Christmas gift, just a gift at Christmas time) from his mom. My sister made the decision to attend and bil decided to not come. She’s Larlo’s mom, she gets a choice in what her son does, too. If she felt that Larlo should attend and receive a gift, she’s allowed to make that decision. It seems to me bil is fracturing his relationship with his preschool son and extended family by his choice. We didn’t pressure them at all to accept a gift for Larlo after she said they weren’t comfortable with it; sister decided after bil received a tv from his mom that Larlo should not have to go without a gift and fun family time. I am glad she stood up for her son. Otherwise Larlo would be denied something his dad accepted from his own mom under another name.

You keep showing how 'right' you are and you may be but nothing that any of you are doing to support their marriage or a harmonious relationship with your family. Anyone with any sense can see where this ends up and none of it is good for Larlo. Enjoy being right.

DP. BIL fractured the family not OP. You’re letting your sympathy for atheists cloud your eyesight. Unless you’re the one arguing that OP’s entire family should have abandoned their traditions to appease BIL, in which case, the fracture lies there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

We’ve held the same Christmas tradition/celebration in our family for years/decades. We should stop doing so because my sister married an atheist that doesn’t celebrate Christmas? Bil was invited, he was not excluded. He chose to not attend. He received a gift (not a Christmas gift, just a gift at Christmas time) from his mom. My sister made the decision to attend and bil decided to not come. She’s Larlo’s mom, she gets a choice in what her son does, too. If she felt that Larlo should attend and receive a gift, she’s allowed to make that decision. It seems to me bil is fracturing his relationship with his preschool son and extended family by his choice. We didn’t pressure them at all to accept a gift for Larlo after she said they weren’t comfortable with it; sister decided after bil received a tv from his mom that Larlo should not have to go without a gift and fun family time. I am glad she stood up for her son. Otherwise Larlo would be denied something his dad accepted from his own mom under another name.

You keep showing how 'right' you are and you may be but nothing that any of you are doing to support their marriage or a harmonious relationship with your family. Anyone with any sense can see where this ends up and none of it is good for Larlo. Enjoy being right.

BIL’s mom gave him a random December tv but he wants to deny Larlo a present. OP’s sister is mad about that. OP needs to support BIL’s hypocrisy how, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

Sounds like he’ll choose his mom and her family. Unless BIL finds a way to explain his gift tv to Larlo in a way that doesn’t sound totally hypocritical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. Depressing outcome for BIL
MERRY DEPRESSMAS!

BIL got a new "not-a-gift" TV. And since he refuses to celebrate Christmas, there's no reason to be depressed about missing the festivities.

Pretty infuriating he was allowed a “not a gift,” but the toddler was not allowed “not a gift.”

Glad it ended with the kid enjoying a special time with family.

And now you've given Larlo the gift of a fractured relationship between your family and his father. Guess who he's gonna choose?

Sounds like he’ll choose his mom and her family. Unless BIL finds a way to explain his gift tv to Larlo in a way that doesn’t sound totally hypocritical.

Hopefully bil realizes that Larlo will grow up and see things like that and question him.

To the pp who said Larlo will “choose” his dad, I hope Larlo chooses himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.

My spouse is a Unitarian Universalist minister for over 25 years. There are many atheists in the UU church and he has met and ministered to all types of people on their spiritual journey. He once said to me that some atheists end up being the "fundamentalists" of UUism because they are so inflexible. Your BIL sounds like one of them. Then I read this post from you.

This isn't about atheism or your BIL just being a PITA (I've had a BIL who had been a PITA for nearly 40 years). No cookies at a holiday gathering for a 3 year old? Your BIL's a damn control freak!

Your sister has married him and things are not going to change any time soon. Do as they asked about the gift - they are the parents and they have to deal with the consequences. You should not upset any family gatherings or traditions to please them. But here is my prediction: this year or next year will be the last year that you will see them at the holidays due to his rigid approach.

You should invite them of course, but it is clear that they (he?) don't value a holiday gathering that everyone else enjoys. Don't expect them to come. Move forward with having fun together at this time without them and instead talk with your mother and siblings about having a family get together for a long weekend during the summer which removes the "Christmas" element out of this equation. If you can tactfully leave it open, let your sister know that she can come visit with just your nephew if BIL can't make it. I know it might be painful and sad in the short term since there is a lot of pressure to be "the whole family" at this time of year, but the holidays can be ruined by people like this. Hopefully your sister and your family will agree to find another time of the year for all of you to spend time together.

I see a big red flag here with the control issues.