Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!

They aren’t very fun to have around. We want to include them, they are family. We do have a great time cooking and eating and loving on the kids especially. It’s such a great time of year. We don’t want Larlo to feel left out, or feel he’s being treated differently than his cousins. That’s all. My mom is worried his memories of being at her house will be one of sadness and confusion at not being included. If you are a parent, you understand.

This reads like trolling

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because he said they can’t come if we give Larlo a gift from Santa, or if my mom gets him a gift. We want to see our nephew/grandson/cousin and my sister. He said no gift, he’s not lying to his kid about Santa. Sister never said why the gift couldn’t be from my mom or the cousins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because he said they can’t come if we give Larlo a gift from Santa, or if my mom gets him a gift. We want to see our nephew/grandson/cousin and my sister. He said no gift, he’s not lying to his kid about Santa. Sister never said why the gift couldn’t be from my mom or the cousins.

Just don't give the kid a gift. This doesn't have to be that hard, even for a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

LOL. You clearly don't have kids

I was thinking the and thing, lol. No kid is going to be interested in a gift they’ve had for months when new ones are being opened.

Not to mention, how is grandma going to peddle the Santa story to the other kids if one kid isn’t getting a gift? None of this sounds believable.

NP. Right, no kid will remember a gift they got three months ago. But the posters saying the kid will be disappointed and not understand is equally correct. This might be a way to split the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!

Agree! Part of going is the whole point of why it's largely secular holiday!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

Oh please, obviously you don't have your own kids. They won't remember that they got a gift last week much less months ago.

op here- I don’t think it’s great, but at least he’d get a gift. Imo, the whole scenario is going to be a nightmare when the other kids open their gifts. Meltdown nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Could your mom give him a gift at the end of the party and say it is a Happy New Year gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

Oh please, obviously you don't have your own kids. They won't remember that they got a gift last week much less months ago.

op here- I don’t think it’s great, but at least he’d get a gift. Imo, the whole scenario is going to be a nightmare when the other kids open their gifts. Meltdown nightmare.

So what? Let it happen. You're getting worked up over something that may or may to happen weeks in advance. Let the parents distract the kid during gift opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

LOL. You clearly don't have kids

I was thinking the and thing, lol. No kid is going to be interested in a gift they’ve had for months when new ones are being opened.

Not to mention, how is grandma going to peddle the Santa story to the other kids if one kid isn’t getting a gift? None of this sounds believable.

It’s a family tradition. Yes, the other kids are going to be confused why he didn’t get anything. My mom is big into “Santa left gifts for the kids at my house” and likes to watch them open them. Some are teenagers and clearly know Santa doesn’t exist, but they love their grandma and gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

Oh please, obviously you don't have your own kids. They won't remember that they got a gift last week much less months ago.

op here- I don’t think it’s great, but at least he’d get a gift. Imo, the whole scenario is going to be a nightmare when the other kids open their gifts. Meltdown nightmare.

If it makes you feel better, 3 year olds are just as likely to melt down even when they get gifts. 3 year olds can melt down because you used the wrong spoon, even if it is the spoon they demanded that you use. Ask me how I know. By the time this kid is old enough to be reasonable, he will understand the issue is his parents, not your mom, so tell you mom to relax about how she is remembered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

That might work. Thanks, pp.

Oh please, obviously you don't have your own kids. They won't remember that they got a gift last week much less months ago.

op here- I don’t think it’s great, but at least he’d get a gift. Imo, the whole scenario is going to be a nightmare when the other kids open their gifts. Meltdown nightmare.

DP. Agree, it will be meltdown nightmare.

But this is BIL's problem to deal with, not yours. You can't fix this. With any luck, BIL will relax his stance next year to something like, "We don't believe but the gifts are fun and secular."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could your mom give him a gift at the end of the party and say it is a Happy New Year gift?

When I called my sister I basically said tell me how Mom can do this (give a gift to Larlo) that’s acceptable to them both. She said she’d discuss it with him and call me back. She called back a few days later and said they aren’t comfortable with any gift. Not even a gift clearly from my mom, not wrapped in Christmas wrap, not under the tree, whatever. She was very firm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

It’s a family tradition during a religious time that has nothing to do with gift giving.

Stop being dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could your mom give him a gift at the end of the party and say it is a Happy New Year gift?

When I called my sister I basically said tell me how Mom can do this (give a gift to Larlo) that’s acceptable to them both. She said she’d discuss it with him and call me back. She called back a few days later and said they aren’t comfortable with any gift. Not even a gift clearly from my mom, not wrapped in Christmas wrap, not under the tree, whatever. She was very firm.

You tried. Now let it go. Carry on with the plans and let your sister handle the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!

Agree! Part of going is the whole point of why it's largely secular holiday!

They may want to spend time with family at what OP said is one of the few times a year they all get together. But the "cultural" holiday is still based on Christianity. Would you expect BIL to go along with gifts from Santa (or from grandma, for that matter) if he we're Jewish or Muslim?

I think there's a difference between
1. getting together with family during their holiday and
2. partaking in Christmas gifts.

OP, let your sister and BIL handle their child's reaction. They will probably prepare him ahead of time for the fact that there will be gifts and he won't get one. If he gets upset in the moment, I'm sure they have thought about how to handle that too. Just trust them to parent their own kid.