Atheist bil won’t allow 3 year old nephew to receive a gift during holidays

[Anonymous]

You said the kid was almost four. Call it an early bday present or a New Year's gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.

You are nuts and probably a troll. Mind your business.

No, none of this is made up. It’s completely true. I don’t think I am nuts for observing how my sister treats her son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is their decision, but I don't see why they come to the Christmas gathering at all if they are against celebrating... We are atheist/agnostic in our house but we love Christmas as a cultural celebration - food, Santa, gift giving!

Agree! Part of going is the whole point of why it's largely secular holiday!

They may want to spend time with family at what OP said is one of the few times a year they all get together. But the "cultural" holiday is still based on Christianity. Would you expect BIL to go along with gifts from Santa (or from grandma, for that matter) if he we're Jewish or Muslim?

I think there's a difference between
1. getting together with family during their holiday and
2. partaking in Christmas gifts.

OP, let your sister and BIL handle their child's reaction. They will probably prepare him ahead of time for the fact that there will be gifts and he won't get one. If he gets upset in the moment, I'm sure they have thought about how to handle that too. Just trust them to parent their own kid.

Yes, actually, since he married into a Christian family and should himself respect their traditions.

--a Muslim

Thank you so much for this. Nobody expects bil to go all in in anything, he is more than welcome to conduct his life and his household as he wishes. But why can’t he accept that his son’s grandmother would like to include his son, her grandson in one tradition?

For those who commented my sister is weak and wishy-washy, big agree. I feel like she should tell her husband to back off and let their son participate in the gift opening. It’s not religious at all. How is it harmful to accept a gift from grandma/Santa?

Giftgiving is religious. Christians give gifts because the Wise Men brought Jesus gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.

You are nuts and probably a troll. Mind your business.

No, none of this is made up. It’s completely true. I don’t think I am nuts for observing how my sister treats her son.

How she “treats her son”?? My goodness you’re dramatic. Not celebrating Christmas isn’t exactly child abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

Ummmmm kids do this regularly at little events called, birthday parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.

You are nuts and probably a troll. Mind your business.

No, none of this is made up. It’s completely true. I don’t think I am nuts for observing how my sister treats her son.

How she “treats her son”?? My goodness you’re dramatic. Not celebrating Christmas isn’t exactly child abuse.

I think it’s dramatic to not allow a child a single cookie at a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

Yes, he can allow his kid to get a friggin Christmas gift. He absolutely can. It means nothing. It certainly has nothing to do with believing in God.

The guy is a controlling dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

Ummmmm kids do this regularly at little events called, birthday parties.

most birthday parties involve favors for attendees and cake and ice cream. Only one kid gets gifts at a birthday party.

nephew will be the single child not opening a gift, and isn’t allowed desserts, cookies, or candy.

How some of you think thats ok is awful. It’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

Yes, he can allow his kid to get a friggin Christmas gift. He absolutely can. It means nothing. It certainly has nothing to do with believing in God.

The guy is a controlling dick.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

NP. That would never come up in my family, because we would never do a gift exchange that not everyone could participate in. My SIL and her spouse and children are athiest. We gather around the holidays because that is when everyone has time off work/school, and we eat, drink and have a grand old time together with games, puzzles, a full dessert table. No gifts necessary. We mail gifts to the cousins who do celebrate Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

It’s a Christmas gift. His family does not celebrate Christmas, which is a religious holiday. Gifts can be mailed to those who celebrate. This is only hard if you want to impose your Christianity on others.

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

NP. BIL is compromising by participating in a Christmas gathering, because he knows spending time with family and cousin time and sharing a meal are all good things. That’s something he can do—show up to a Christmas celebration. What he can’t do is allow his kids to get Christmas gifts. See how he is, indeed, compromising and meeting people halfway for the sake of spending time together?

Team BIL.

Yes, he can allow his kid to get a friggin Christmas gift. He absolutely can. It means nothing. It certainly has nothing to do with believing in God.

The guy is a controlling dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find another time to exchange gift that is not religious.

Xmas has nothing to do with gifts.

The gifts aren’t religious, and it’s a family tradition. We don’t get together as a family much due to logistics and this is the one time a year we are all together.

Traditions can change. You can do a family get together with gifts another time. In my family, as people married and had families, we moved our big event to Columbus Day weekend and made it Halloween themed. I know others who do a winter solstice celebration.

But if they aren’t important enough to figure out a different plan, then you have to respect their wishes.

No, they don't have to change their long standing traditions;4 to appease non believers. BIL will have to just learn to roll with it. Why does everyone have to kowtow to him?

Because that’s what people who love each other do. They look at creative ways of managing differences. No one will be hurt by moving gift giving Another time. But some will be hurt by not trying to find a compromise.

And some will be hurt by not being able to continue the traditions, despite your glossing over that obvious fact. What compromise is BIL making? None so far.

He doesn't have to. Adults get to make decisions for themselves and their families. The amount of pain some of you are expressing for this child is ridiculous.

It’s bothering everyone. We all want to include our nephew/cousin/grandson. Do you have a child? Would you take your child somewhere and allow them to watch other kids opening a gift and playing with that gift while they receive nothing?

NP. That would never come up in my family, because we would never do a gift exchange that not everyone could participate in. My SIL and her spouse and children are athiest. We gather around the holidays because that is when everyone has time off work/school, and we eat, drink and have a grand old time together with games, puzzles, a full dessert table. No gifts necessary. We mail gifts to the cousins who do celebrate Christmas.

That’s how you celebrate Christmas/holidays, and it’s great. We have a large Christmas tree with many handmade ornaments and pictures of our extended family. We have a specially made cross stitch ornament for each family member, including pets! We have many traditions that date back decades, when mom’s mom and dad were alive and celebrating.

No one else wants to mail gifts ahead of time. We have still included my sister’s ornament on the tree, but haven’t made one for her husband or son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Send the kid a gift in august or september or october and remind him to bring it to play with.

Send it now.

My cousin converted to Jehovah's Witness. Her kids were not permitted gifts around Christmas. My Aunt would send them early and my cousin/dh would decide when to give it to them.

Op, maybe they would accept a gift now, and bring something for him to play with at Christmas.

I will bring it up to my sister and see if it’s ok to send a gift now. We’ve not exchanged any gifts with them at Christmas since their marriage. My sister was happy to give and receive gifts at Christmas before the marriage.

Nephew isn’t allowed treats at family celebration. Last year the other kids were eating desserts and cookies and Larlo threw a fit and my sister hid a single small cookie in her hand and doled out microscopic bits to keep him from losing it.

A possible solution for one problem and then there's another. Surprise!