Explaining ASD child’s rude comments to strangers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ASD ds is 9. We have started in the past 6 mos or so talking about “social norms”. Such as “if you are asked a question you dont want to answer, you cant just ignore it and walk away, you have to at least tell the person you dont want to talk about it” or “if you dont get candy you like, you still have to say thank you, you dont have to eat something you don't want but you do have to be polite”. Stuff like that.

Super duper publications used to make cards, books, and games to address things like this in different settings like home, school, community, etc but I haven’t checked their website lately to see what’s available. Might be worth a look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

NP. There is a difference between teaching a child to be polite and explaining to a stranger why your child was impolite. And I too think it sounds like lots of posters are acting like this is a general parenting forum and not a special needs forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

I'm so with you. I feel like lots of parents are actually more concerned what other people, even strangers, think of their parenting than they are with how well they are actually parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything. They have no right to private medical information about your kid. The only time this might make sense is if there is some kind of potential for law enforcement to be involved if there is a giant meltdown. But generally for a 6 year old, a meltdown is not going to be mistaken for dangerous aggression.

I have a kid with Autism and to me it is isn't a private medical condition. It is just a fact and could help others understand. Would you hide that fact that your kid is blind if they bump into you? No. Autism is just one part of your dd's and isn't the whole part of her.

No, it’s not something to deploy to excuse your child’s behavior that you’re not making any effort to change. How do you think that will eventually sound to your kid?

Not as an excuse but an explanation while you work on this. Btw, my dd would never had done this. So my tip is just general advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything. They have no right to private medical information about your kid. The only time this might make sense is if there is some kind of potential for law enforcement to be involved if there is a giant meltdown. But generally for a 6 year old, a meltdown is not going to be mistaken for dangerous aggression.

I have a kid with Autism and to me it is isn't a private medical condition. It is just a fact and could help others understand. Would you hide that fact that your kid is blind if they bump into you? No. Autism is just one part of your dd's and isn't the whole part of her.

No, it’s not something to deploy to excuse your child’s behavior that you’re not making any effort to change. How do you think that will eventually sound to your kid?

Not as an excuse but an explanation while you work on this. Btw, my dd would never had done this. So my tip is just general advice

What a stupid comment but thanks for letting us know “btw” that your kid would never have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

I'm so with you. I feel like lots of parents are actually more concerned what other people, even strangers, think of their parenting than they are with how well they are actually parenting.

Well, it’s easy to fall into that trap. Our kids are extensions of ourselves and it is easy to project. That’s why sometimes more impartial people like babysitters or teachers can do a better job handling these situations. Or dads, lol, who feel less judged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Special Ed teacher here. It would be great if the world just embraced and accepted neurodiverse kids in every way. The reality is that these kids must learn boundaries and social norms. You owe nothing to the people she is talking to. They will be fine. But for her benefit you need to make it a thing. “Larla, I noticed that you walked up to these people and told them X. I saw their faces and It seems like they were just talking to each other and didn’t want to talk to anyone else right now.” There is no harm in turning to an adult and indicating your intentions with your voice and gestures. Most will get it. The others aren’t your problem. Keep the focus on teaching your child how to interact appropriately

This is OP. I don’t know why I feel like I need to keep saying this but I ALREADY SAY THOSE THINGS TO MY DAUGHTER. Which I have said in every post. I obviously need to just not care what strangers think. Including whether strangers on DCUM read my posts and understand that I am addressing the behavior with my daughter. The question was about what to say to the strangers. And I hear what you’re saying (plural “you”) that I shouldn’t say much or anything to the strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special Ed teacher here. It would be great if the world just embraced and accepted neurodiverse kids in every way. The reality is that these kids must learn boundaries and social norms. You owe nothing to the people she is talking to. They will be fine. But for her benefit you need to make it a thing. “Larla, I noticed that you walked up to these people and told them X. I saw their faces and It seems like they were just talking to each other and didn’t want to talk to anyone else right now.” There is no harm in turning to an adult and indicating your intentions with your voice and gestures. Most will get it. The others aren’t your problem. Keep the focus on teaching your child how to interact appropriately

This is OP. I don’t know why I feel like I need to keep saying this but I ALREADY SAY THOSE THINGS TO MY DAUGHTER. Which I have said in every post. I obviously need to just not care what strangers think. Including whether strangers on DCUM read my posts and understand that I am addressing the behavior with my daughter. The question was about what to say to the strangers. And I hear what you’re saying (plural “you”) that I shouldn’t say much or anything to the strangers.

Are you looking for permission to just not give a damn about others and live in your own little bubble where your daughter and her needs are the only thing that matters? Just go ahead and do what you want to do because mouthing "sorry" once in a while is just too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Special Ed teacher here. It would be great if the world just embraced and accepted neurodiverse kids in every way. The reality is that these kids must learn boundaries and social norms. You owe nothing to the people she is talking to. They will be fine. But for her benefit you need to make it a thing. “Larla, I noticed that you walked up to these people and told them X. I saw their faces and It seems like they were just talking to each other and didn’t want to talk to anyone else right now.” There is no harm in turning to an adult and indicating your intentions with your voice and gestures. Most will get it. The others aren’t your problem. Keep the focus on teaching your child how to interact appropriately

This is OP. I don’t know why I feel like I need to keep saying this but I ALREADY SAY THOSE THINGS TO MY DAUGHTER. Which I have said in every post. I obviously need to just not care what strangers think. Including whether strangers on DCUM read my posts and understand that I am addressing the behavior with my daughter. The question was about what to say to the strangers. And I hear what you’re saying (plural “you”) that I shouldn’t say much or anything to the strangers.

Just say, “sorry about that” and move along. Saying “sorry” is about addressing what your child did and smoothing out the situation. Any further explanation is about having those understand you are working on this or thinking better of your kid. That’s not necessary and will likely not have the effect you seek.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

She doesn’t understand boundaries because you haven’t been consistent in teaching them.

This is OP. I’d be willing to bet she doesn’t understand boundaries because of her disability. Just like I correct my daughter EVERY TIME she’s rude to a stranger (or to me or to anyone) but she continues to do it because it’s a core feature of her disability that what sounds rude to neurotypicals does not sound rude to her.

My question wasn’t what to say to my daughter. I correct her every time. My question was what to say to the offended adult. But I’m thinking most of the people who responded don’t actually have kids with ASD, because the responses don’t seem like they “get it.”

But your correcting her every time clearly isn't working so people are trying to help you with that. I suggest working with a behavior therapist to try to get a handle on the behavior. As for what to say to the adults, I would probably say something like "sorry for the interruption, we're working on this." Ideally, your child would be able to then apologize when prompted but this is something you may have to work on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

Yes but the most important part of this lesson is how her behavior impacts others. An apology is part of that. Ideally she will learn to apologize herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

She doesn’t understand boundaries because you haven’t been consistent in teaching them.

This is OP. I’d be willing to bet she doesn’t understand boundaries because of her disability. Just like I correct my daughter EVERY TIME she’s rude to a stranger (or to me or to anyone) but she continues to do it because it’s a core feature of her disability that what sounds rude to neurotypicals does not sound rude to her.

My question wasn’t what to say to my daughter. I correct her every time. My question was what to say to the offended adult. But I’m thinking most of the people who responded don’t actually have kids with ASD, because the responses don’t seem like they “get it.”

But your correcting her every time clearly isn't working so people are trying to help you with that. I suggest working with a behavior therapist to try to get a handle on the behavior. As for what to say to the adults, I would probably say something like "sorry for the interruption, we're working on this." Ideally, your child would be able to then apologize when prompted but this is something you may have to work on.

And maybe a social skills class too. Does she do this in school, OP? Does she have a goal for it?