Explaining ASD child’s rude comments to strangers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

Need time he does that she can say nothing as the ambulance carts away the paralyzed 6 year old. Yeah.

How would an apology help in that scenario? This is my entire point. Parents need to focus on teaching behaviors (and maybe that involves not letting child be unattended on a water slide). You’re so wrapped up in the public demonstration of apologies that you can’t even take this on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

Yes but the most important part of this lesson is how her behavior impacts others. An apology is part of that. Ideally she will learn to apologize herself.

DP. Please just stop. OP’s goal is to teacher her daughter functional and safe behaviors, not to apologize right now. And it’s really important not to shame the child in the process. The opinion of strangers offended by the comments of a 6 yr old is about #999 on OP’s list.

You just don't seem to get it. People aren't really bothered by the 6 yr old, but they will be wondering where her parents are and why they aren't keeping an eye on her. What may be mildly cute at this age will get stale real fast in a short few years. The parents may thing their "Little Professor" is adorable but not many other people will not. When you finally do come wrangle the kid away from the unsuspecting strangers a quick sorry will go a long way.

YOU don’t get it. Yes, my job is to teach my child not to interrupt/speak to strangers. But apologizing to strangers for my child is not my job. It is actually counterproductive for me to dwell on my own feelings of embarrassment instead of focusing on how I want to teach my child in the moment. I KNOW the world at large will judge my kid (no matter how successful I am at teaching him some skills). So, apologizing for my kid is farrrr down my list of priorities.

At our house the precocious aspergers sibling snips and corrects the other two siblings so frequently they’ve all degraded to doing it to her all the time too.
It’s a terrible dynamic and telling the NT sibs to “take it” really normalizes being a punching bag. Am worried about everyone.

That is a completely different scenario than OPs. But interesting how you, too, focus more on the need to demonstrate to others you know the child with autism is breaking social norms, than actually supporting the child in stopping the behavior.

I feel that is what underlies this whole discussion. People who consciously or subconsciously view the problem as making sure the autistic child and parent give a ritual acknowledgement that they are different and lesser-than. Vs actually working to support the child. It’s hostile at its root. I get that the world will view my child with hostility. But I don’t need to join that dynamic.

You do seem to be interpreting responses that I way, responses that aren't directed to that. I'm not going to say this is a you problem. I am going to say that your interpretation is not the mainstream. We are (mostly) all parents of SN kids, of ASD kids. We're all trying our best to raise our kids. Maybe some of kids will never live in the world. But most of us think that our kids will and should and that's one of our end goals.

It’s not the mainstream because many parents of SN kids don’t get the right kind of advice and support on behavioral therapies. If your kid with autism or ADHD has dangerous/disruptive behaviors in public, there are ways to address it that rely on following really clear behavioral plans. But a lot of families don’t get that advice and just bump along never addressing it and hoping that apologies will make it OK. The end goal is teach the kids the right/safe behaviors - not manage impressions in public. Apologies by and large are about adults trying to feel better, not teaching the kid.

totally agree that behavior interventions are key. but this post was asking how to respond to the stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

Why would any kid that is physically injured by another, even your child if someone runs up and hits them in the face, expect anything in acknowledgement? Parents can just tend to their own and let the chips fall where they may otherwise.

Seriously?????? You are a psycho. I pray you do not have children.

I'm restating the argument that seems to be in the process of being made. We don't know which kids have special needs of any kind (cognitive delay, spectrum, severe anxiety, sensory processing sensitivities), we know special needs are not always visible but we should not share diagnoses with others in public, and we will tend only to our own children after difficult encounters. I'm not sure how this is going to play out in the long run, but is that correct?

no, you’re completely distorting my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

Yes but the most important part of this lesson is how her behavior impacts others. An apology is part of that. Ideally she will learn to apologize herself.

DP. Please just stop. OP’s goal is to teacher her daughter functional and safe behaviors, not to apologize right now. And it’s really important not to shame the child in the process. The opinion of strangers offended by the comments of a 6 yr old is about #999 on OP’s list.

You just don't seem to get it. People aren't really bothered by the 6 yr old, but they will be wondering where her parents are and why they aren't keeping an eye on her. What may be mildly cute at this age will get stale real fast in a short few years. The parents may thing their "Little Professor" is adorable but not many other people will not. When you finally do come wrangle the kid away from the unsuspecting strangers a quick sorry will go a long way.

YOU don’t get it. Yes, my job is to teach my child not to interrupt/speak to strangers. But apologizing to strangers for my child is not my job. It is actually counterproductive for me to dwell on my own feelings of embarrassment instead of focusing on how I want to teach my child in the moment. I KNOW the world at large will judge my kid (no matter how successful I am at teaching him some skills). So, apologizing for my kid is farrrr down my list of priorities.

At our house the precocious aspergers sibling snips and corrects the other two siblings so frequently they’ve all degraded to doing it to her all the time too.
It’s a terrible dynamic and telling the NT sibs to “take it” really normalizes being a punching bag. Am worried about everyone.

That is a completely different scenario than OPs. But interesting how you, too, focus more on the need to demonstrate to others you know the child with autism is breaking social norms, than actually supporting the child in stopping the behavior.

I feel that is what underlies this whole discussion. People who consciously or subconsciously view the problem as making sure the autistic child and parent give a ritual acknowledgement that they are different and lesser-than. Vs actually working to support the child. It’s hostile at its root. I get that the world will view my child with hostility. But I don’t need to join that dynamic.

You do seem to be interpreting responses that I way, responses that aren't directed to that. I'm not going to say this is a you problem. I am going to say that your interpretation is not the mainstream. We are (mostly) all parents of SN kids, of ASD kids. We're all trying our best to raise our kids. Maybe some of kids will never live in the world. But most of us think that our kids will and should and that's one of our end goals.

It’s not the mainstream because many parents of SN kids don’t get the right kind of advice and support on behavioral therapies. If your kid with autism or ADHD has dangerous/disruptive behaviors in public, there are ways to address it that rely on following really clear behavioral plans. But a lot of families don’t get that advice and just bump along never addressing it and hoping that apologies will make it OK. The end goal is teach the kids the right/safe behaviors - not manage impressions in public. Apologies by and large are about adults trying to feel better, not teaching the kid.

totally agree that behavior interventions are key. but this post was asking how to respond to the stranger.

And my point that in some/most cases the behavioral intervention means that responding to the stranger is a distraction and very low on the list of priorities.

It’s a long game but people don’t like hearing that. It’s hard to tolerate that our kids break social norms and they want to fix it immediately for their own adult feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

Need time he does that she can say nothing as the ambulance carts away the paralyzed 6 year old. Yeah.

How would an apology help in that scenario? This is my entire point. Parents need to focus on teaching behaviors (and maybe that involves not letting child be unattended on a water slide). You’re so wrapped up in the public demonstration of apologies that you can’t even take this on board.

ODD cray cray is back.
X

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

Need time he does that she can say nothing as the ambulance carts away the paralyzed 6 year old. Yeah.

How would an apology help in that scenario? This is my entire point. Parents need to focus on teaching behaviors (and maybe that involves not letting child be unattended on a water slide). You’re so wrapped up in the public demonstration of apologies that you can’t even take this on board.

ODD cray cray is back.
X

It’s really fascinating how name calling is your response to this. It is really is all about you, isn’t it? I mean truly, this is why I have learned not to GAS about this stuff in public. I parent the way I do taking the advice of the experts I’ve consulted with and feel secure about how I do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

Need time he does that she can say nothing as the ambulance carts away the paralyzed 6 year old. Yeah.

How would an apology help in that scenario? This is my entire point. Parents need to focus on teaching behaviors (and maybe that involves not letting child be unattended on a water slide). You’re so wrapped up in the public demonstration of apologies that you can’t even take this on board.

Omg, it is not difficult or confusing to quickly apologize when your kid injured someone.

That’s basic courtesy in most cultures and countries.

You can go do the Lessons Learned later, not in the overwhelmed moment in front of a crying injured child. In this case lessons were: you can’t leave your child unattended, go over slide rules, if someone is hurt apologize.

If you don’t apologize you’ll be ruining relationships left and right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

Need time he does that she can say nothing as the ambulance carts away the paralyzed 6 year old. Yeah.

How would an apology help in that scenario? This is my entire point. Parents need to focus on teaching behaviors (and maybe that involves not letting child be unattended on a water slide). You’re so wrapped up in the public demonstration of apologies that you can’t even take this on board.

Omg, it is not difficult or confusing to quickly apologize when your kid injured someone.

That’s basic courtesy in most cultures and countries.

You can go do the Lessons Learned later, not in the overwhelmed moment in front of a crying injured child. In this case lessons were: you can’t leave your child unattended, go over slide rules, if someone is hurt apologize.

If you don’t apologize you’ll be ruining relationships left and right.

You’re conflating the child with the adult here. Yes NT adults need to apologize for their own behavior (in time). When you are dealing with behavior you are trying to change in autism or defiance, there is a really specific way you are trained to handle it, which often involves swiftly reacting in a way that imposes a consequence and/or reduces reinforcement caused by reacting emotionally to the behavior.

I see this is going over most PPs heads because they are fixated on apologies. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

Need time he does that she can say nothing as the ambulance carts away the paralyzed 6 year old. Yeah.

How would an apology help in that scenario? This is my entire point. Parents need to focus on teaching behaviors (and maybe that involves not letting child be unattended on a water slide). You’re so wrapped up in the public demonstration of apologies that you can’t even take this on board.

Omg, it is not difficult or confusing to quickly apologize when your kid injured someone.

That’s basic courtesy in most cultures and countries.

You can go do the Lessons Learned later, not in the overwhelmed moment in front of a crying injured child. In this case lessons were: you can’t leave your child unattended, go over slide rules, if someone is hurt apologize.

If you don’t apologize you’ll be ruining relationships left and right.

You’re conflating the child with the adult here. Yes NT adults need to apologize for their own behavior (in time). When you are dealing with behavior you are trying to change in autism or defiance, there is a really specific way you are trained to handle it, which often involves swiftly reacting in a way that imposes a consequence and/or reduces reinforcement caused by reacting emotionally to the behavior.

I see this is going over most PPs heads because they are fixated on apologies. Oh well.

No, you’re fixated and belligerent.
You can keep telling yourself whatever distorted stuff you want. I wouldn’t want anything to do with you - at work or school or neighborhood.
Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

It actually IS hard to deploy a behavioral plan in public when your kid is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That’s the point. Also in many cases the *professional* advice is to give as little attention to the behavior as possible to keep from reinforcing the pattern. That may mean swiftly removing a child without interacting at all. In some cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

It actually IS hard to deploy a behavioral plan in public when your kid is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That’s the point. Also in many cases the *professional* advice is to give as little attention to the behavior as possible to keep from reinforcing the pattern. That may mean swiftly removing a child without interacting at all. In some cases.

And your professionals told you having ASD means never having to say "sorry" to anyone in your orbit? I don't believe you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

It actually IS hard to deploy a behavioral plan in public when your kid is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That’s the point. Also in many cases the *professional* advice is to give as little attention to the behavior as possible to keep from reinforcing the pattern. That may mean swiftly removing a child without interacting at all. In some cases.

And your professionals told you having ASD means never having to say "sorry" to anyone in your orbit? I don't believe you.

Where did I say that? I never said that. I see that you are projecting, though. Are you one of those “I hate my ASD husband”
posters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

It actually IS hard to deploy a behavioral plan in public when your kid is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That’s the point. Also in many cases the *professional* advice is to give as little attention to the behavior as possible to keep from reinforcing the pattern. That may mean swiftly removing a child without interacting at all. In some cases.

And your professionals told you having ASD means never having to say "sorry" to anyone in your orbit? I don't believe you.

Where did I say that? I never said that. I see that you are projecting, though. Are you one of those “I hate my ASD husband”
posters?

You can't seem to understand that giving attention to other people with a quick sorry isn't paying attention to your child. You're so literal and black and white you can't see the obvious.