Explaining ASD child’s rude comments to strangers

[Anonymous]

DP. Well, we've already used high-functioning autism as an insult to adults in this thread, so let's avoid doing that again.

[Anonymous]

Avoidance is key.
Walking on eggshells isn’t worth it to appease irrationality.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

It actually IS hard to deploy a behavioral plan in public when your kid is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That’s the point. Also in many cases the *professional* advice is to give as little attention to the behavior as possible to keep from reinforcing the pattern. That may mean swiftly removing a child without interacting at all. In some cases.

And your professionals told you having ASD means never having to say "sorry" to anyone in your orbit? I don't believe you.

Where did I say that? I never said that. I see that you are projecting, though. Are you one of those “I hate my ASD husband”
posters?

Lol.

Dude, yours 75% of this thread yet only saying the same 1 or 2 things and never responding to people’s points.
We no longer who came up with your failed model, you don’t know when to apply it or not. Read the room Pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

Well, nobody is perfect so things like this will happen. If it’s a behavioral goal they are working on then what happens is the child immediately gets the consequence that was pre-planned. In some cases this may look like just calmly removing the child without paying any attention to the behavior so you don’t reinforce it.

Most people can walk and chew gum at the same time. Deal with the child, also acknowledge that other people exist. It's actually not that hard, you should try it.

It actually IS hard to deploy a behavioral plan in public when your kid is doing something they shouldn’t be doing. That’s the point. Also in many cases the *professional* advice is to give as little attention to the behavior as possible to keep from reinforcing the pattern. That may mean swiftly removing a child without interacting at all. In some cases.

And your professionals told you having ASD means never having to say "sorry" to anyone in your orbit? I don't believe you.

Where did I say that? I never said that. I see that you are projecting, though. Are you one of those “I hate my ASD husband”
posters?

Speaking of husbands, how is yours helping you and your ASD child?