Explaining ASD child’s rude comments to strangers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your daughter know that she is breaking rules by being rude and interrupting strangers? Correct her behavior too.

This is a great idea, actually! If you have a kid that is really into rules, teaching her the rules for polite behavior can work great. Rule #1: if a stranger is not talking to us, we don't talk to them. Even if they're wrong. People are wrong all the time. It's none of our business and it makes them feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

No, they wanted to see the adult with him take responsibility for him.

by punishing him. the incident already happened so there was no way to retroactively take responsibility for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

Why would any kid that is physically injured by another, even your child if someone runs up and hits them in the face, expect anything in acknowledgement? Parents can just tend to their own and let the chips fall where they may otherwise.

In a normal situation where there’s an “accident” like a 10 yo going down the slide on top of a 6 yo and ramming her, there would be apologies and remorse by the big kid and parents.

In this situation, the negligent mother or a sitter should have been with the autistic kid each time, communicating when it was safe to go down the slide. Safe for him, safe for others. As we all know with Nd kids, barking out orders or doing it together once or twice and then disappearing may not work or stick.

The mother should have apologized for not monitoring her disabled child. They are in a pool, there are children, depending on the place, lifeguards may or may not be around. Other parents are not assuming a 10 yo is there who doesn’t understand basic safety rules.

The mom should have apologized. No need to mention autism. She messed up big time not being with a kid with that level of autism at a water park or pool slide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

She was probably too busy. She doesn't have time to worry or care about anyone else's feelings. It's all about her daughter. Saying sorry or expecting her daughter in this case to apologize is not her JOB. It's not really clear what the job is, but no matter what, acknowledging other people exist is not going to happen. Or something.

Yes, my job is teaching my kid functional behaviors for the long-term. Which you have zero perspective on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

Why would any kid that is physically injured by another, even your child if someone runs up and hits them in the face, expect anything in acknowledgement? Parents can just tend to their own and let the chips fall where they may otherwise.

Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

Right - this mom should not have apologized or divulged the diagnosis. Because she and her child will be judged and criticized no matter what. Her focus needs to be on her kid.

If her focus was on her child, she never would have made a beeline for others to interrupt them. And the child is probably just happily chatting away oblivious to what's going on. What is the emergency that the parent needs to lose all propriety and immediately tend to? A quick "sorry about that" and scooting the child away is all that is required at the moment. But, if she had been tended to in the first place the interaction wouldn't have happened.

[Anonymous]

It is really, really, really hard to be a parent of a kid with special needs. I'm not even talking about the daily life, but how you are made to feel like your child isn't welcome, and that you are always expected to beg for things, or apologize. I don't think anyone who hasn't lived it can understand.

That being said, it is just going to be hard. Other people can make it easier (and should!) by minding their own business. I do always try to remember that the child who is upset by screaming may have her own sensory processing overstimulation issues, or the child (or adult) who gets angry at being corrected might also be on the spectrum and not have the skills to cope well in the moment.

There are a lot of people with special needs. Not all of them are easily identified at first glance, even if you are familiar with special needs. And I don't want someone talking with contempt about my adult brother any more than I do people disparaging my favorite little niece.

Can't we keep that in mind, too? That some of the people around us are dealing with just as much? "Sorry" goes a long way, but maybe it's too much to ask in the moment. But that doesn't mean we can't do better talking about it later, after the moment has passed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

And preventing accidents or hurting oneself or another child.
An autistic kid was not following the water slide rules and waiting for child ahead to land in the pool before going. He went 2 seconds after my 6 yo daughter and kicked her in the back badly. All the mom said later was, “He’s Autistic” and walked off from my crying, hurt daughter. She then got a mouthful from many adult witnesses to better monitor her 10 yo child if he can’t be safe or has poor judgment.

She was probably too busy. She doesn't have time to worry or care about anyone else's feelings. It's all about her daughter. Saying sorry or expecting her daughter in this case to apologize is not her JOB. It's not really clear what the job is, but no matter what, acknowledging other people exist is not going to happen. Or something.

Yes, my job is teaching my kid functional behaviors for the long-term. Which you have zero perspective on.

What would you know about functional behaviors? You seem completely devoid of them. You are not the one or this JOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

Yes but the most important part of this lesson is how her behavior impacts others. An apology is part of that. Ideally she will learn to apologize herself.

DP. Please just stop. OP’s goal is to teacher her daughter functional and safe behaviors, not to apologize right now. And it’s really important not to shame the child in the process. The opinion of strangers offended by the comments of a 6 yr old is about #999 on OP’s list.

Look I don't give a flip about the reaction of random strangers in a museum but as she grows up the OP's daughter needs to learn functional behaviors in order to interact appropriately in society. She will likely need explicit instruction with repeated practice in learning to follow social norms, and that includes apologizing to others when warranted. It's not about shaming the child at all.

It’s not a lesson about apologizing in this scenario- apologies here would teach shame and not much else. Forced apologies by kids (SN or NT) are almost always for the gratification of adults, not teaching behaviors. I think the people fixated on forcing an apology by the kid (or worse the mom apologizing) don’t know much about systematic behavior shaping. The goal here is for the child to learn not to interrupt, not to talk to strangers, and eventually, how to handle when you disagree with what someone is saying. Focusing on the apology is a huge distraction and makes it more into a punishment than an effective teaching moment.

Disagree.

Also disagree that you or the child are feeling any shame. None of your posts indicate any level of remorse, shame or apology.
Staging off Oppositional Defiant Disorder as an ASD mishap negative coping mechanism is really important.

I get the impression OP is actually very proud and smug her little professor knows so many facts about rockets and gets off on hearing her correct adult strangers who have the audacity to not appreciate being interrupted. She's definitely not going to reprimand or say a quick sorry when she's practically bursting with pride and just how darn cute the whole thing is. This was all just a humble brag not a seeking advice post.

It’s so interesting that you are doubling down on the nasty instinct here to make sure everyone knows the autistic child is wrong and bad. You can’t even take on board that the entire reason for focusing on the child rather than bowing & scraping is to make sure the child is learning the correct behavior (following safety rules/basic public space rules). What you REALLY want is for kids w autism and their parents to make sure everyone knows they are wearing their scarlet letters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

Yes but the most important part of this lesson is how her behavior impacts others. An apology is part of that. Ideally she will learn to apologize herself.

DP. Please just stop. OP’s goal is to teacher her daughter functional and safe behaviors, not to apologize right now. And it’s really important not to shame the child in the process. The opinion of strangers offended by the comments of a 6 yr old is about #999 on OP’s list.

Look I don't give a flip about the reaction of random strangers in a museum but as she grows up the OP's daughter needs to learn functional behaviors in order to interact appropriately in society. She will likely need explicit instruction with repeated practice in learning to follow social norms, and that includes apologizing to others when warranted. It's not about shaming the child at all.

It’s not a lesson about apologizing in this scenario- apologies here would teach shame and not much else. Forced apologies by kids (SN or NT) are almost always for the gratification of adults, not teaching behaviors. I think the people fixated on forcing an apology by the kid (or worse the mom apologizing) don’t know much about systematic behavior shaping. The goal here is for the child to learn not to interrupt, not to talk to strangers, and eventually, how to handle when you disagree with what someone is saying. Focusing on the apology is a huge distraction and makes it more into a punishment than an effective teaching moment.

Disagree.

Also disagree that you or the child are feeling any shame. None of your posts indicate any level of remorse, shame or apology.
Staging off Oppositional Defiant Disorder as an ASD mishap negative coping mechanism is really important.

I get the impression OP is actually very proud and smug her little professor knows so many facts about rockets and gets off on hearing her correct adult strangers who have the audacity to not appreciate being interrupted. She's definitely not going to reprimand or say a quick sorry when she's practically bursting with pride and just how darn cute the whole thing is. This was all just a humble brag not a seeking advice post.

It’s so interesting that you are doubling down on the nasty instinct here to make sure everyone knows the autistic child is wrong and bad. You can’t even take on board that the entire reason for focusing on the child rather than bowing & scraping is to make sure the child is learning the correct behavior (following safety rules/basic public space rules). What you REALLY want is for kids w autism and their parents to make sure everyone knows they are wearing their scarlet letters.

Watch your kid better then. Try to do something right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

Why would any kid that is physically injured by another, even your child if someone runs up and hits them in the face, expect anything in acknowledgement? Parents can just tend to their own and let the chips fall where they may otherwise.

Wtf?

Seriously who writes that stuff or thinks like that. A narcissist? A psychopath?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

Why would any kid that is physically injured by another, even your child if someone runs up and hits them in the face, expect anything in acknowledgement? Parents can just tend to their own and let the chips fall where they may otherwise.

Wtf?

Seriously who writes that stuff or thinks like that. A narcissist? A psychopath?

Do you think you can tell just by looking which kids have special needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely use a two-pronged approach: before a public outing, remind dd that she doesn’t need to correct everyone’s minor mistakes that don’t cause any harm because people don’t like that, and also talk to dd privately after it happens about how it made the other person feel and how I could tell they were upset. In the moment, if someone was offended, I would probably say to my dd, “Larla, you’re doing it again,” and then I would say to the offended person, “I’m sorry. We’re working on not interrupting or butting into others’ conversations, but she hasn’t mastered that yet.” Then I may or may not have dd apologize, depending on the seriousness of the offense.

OP, this answer is great. It is a polite acknowledgement to the offended people, and it models well for your daughter.
The safety angle is also quite worrisome, so it's important to monitor her as closely as you would a toddler and to review rules about running off/talking to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly some posters don't realize this is in the Special Needs & Disabilities forum and found the thread through Recent Topics. Parenting classes...ha. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.

NP
Therapists all recommend parenting classes for ASD children.

Guess what the number 1 reason the classes don’t work? One of the parents has ASD too, and cannot and will not apply the new parenting skills taught.

Clearly you have no idea how this works do you? I have autism, work with kids with autism, and have taught parenting classes to parents with autism raising kids with autism. It works if it’s done right.

Stop treating people with autism like they can’t learn or that they are less than capable because of some ridiculous label. You are not doing them any favors but never teaching them how to interact within society in a neurotypical way.

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, it’s a ton of work. Yes, it’s worth it.

Is anyone arguing not doing this?

My argument is that OP doesn’t need to worry about explaining her child’s “rude” behavior to strangers and I am suggesting that she not worry about that and instead just focus on her daughters needs. It’s a process and it doesn’t matter that some stranger may or may not be offended.

Another selfish point of view and attitude. Of course it matter that people are offended . Would it be ok if someone were to be hit if someone said something that made someone mad, like “baby pigs”? It isn’t ok on any level as other people
Have the right to live in a society with rules also..rules like not being bothered or interrupted or screamed at in public.

Oh lord. We have enough to do without worrying about the feelings of strangers. One of the first and hardest lessons I learned as a SN mom is not to waste my energy on apologizing for my kid. The people demanding this have nothing to do with helping my kid and the energy I spend apologizing or feeling embarrassed is a distraction from my actual responsibilities. Sometimes it is a direct interference with what I need to do in these situations, which is focus on staying calm and on my kid.

I work extremely hard and have a lot on my plate, and my job is to raise my kid as best I can in challenging circumstances. If that makes me “selfish,” I care not a bit.

This is OP. I appreciate this perspective. This seems most helpful to me. I will try to just focus on my daughter in these instances and not worry about what the stranger is thinking. I need to stay present with her to help me teach the “lesson” about what she should do different, and I also need to be ready to head off a meltdown. I can’t do all that as effectively if I’m concerned about a stranger’s reaction to her correcting them about which space mission that rocket went on.

Yes but the most important part of this lesson is how her behavior impacts others. An apology is part of that. Ideally she will learn to apologize herself.

DP. Please just stop. OP’s goal is to teacher her daughter functional and safe behaviors, not to apologize right now. And it’s really important not to shame the child in the process. The opinion of strangers offended by the comments of a 6 yr old is about #999 on OP’s list.

You just don't seem to get it. People aren't really bothered by the 6 yr old, but they will be wondering where her parents are and why they aren't keeping an eye on her. What may be mildly cute at this age will get stale real fast in a short few years. The parents may thing their "Little Professor" is adorable but not many other people will not. When you finally do come wrangle the kid away from the unsuspecting strangers a quick sorry will go a long way.

YOU don’t get it. Yes, my job is to teach my child not to interrupt/speak to strangers. But apologizing to strangers for my child is not my job. It is actually counterproductive for me to dwell on my own feelings of embarrassment instead of focusing on how I want to teach my child in the moment. I KNOW the world at large will judge my kid (no matter how successful I am at teaching him some skills). So, apologizing for my kid is farrrr down my list of priorities.

At our house the precocious aspergers sibling snips and corrects the other two siblings so frequently they’ve all degraded to doing it to her all the time too.
It’s a terrible dynamic and telling the NT sibs to “take it” really normalizes being a punching bag. Am worried about everyone.

That is a completely different scenario than OPs. But interesting how you, too, focus more on the need to demonstrate to others you know the child with autism is breaking social norms, than actually supporting the child in stopping the behavior.

I feel that is what underlies this whole discussion. People who consciously or subconsciously view the problem as making sure the autistic child and parent give a ritual acknowledgement that they are different and lesser-than. Vs actually working to support the child. It’s hostile at its root. I get that the world will view my child with hostility. But I don’t need to join that dynamic.

You do seem to be interpreting responses that I way, responses that aren't directed to that. I'm not going to say this is a you problem. I am going to say that your interpretation is not the mainstream. We are (mostly) all parents of SN kids, of ASD kids. We're all trying our best to raise our kids. Maybe some of kids will never live in the world. But most of us think that our kids will and should and that's one of our end goals.

It’s not the mainstream because many parents of SN kids don’t get the right kind of advice and support on behavioral therapies. If your kid with autism or ADHD has dangerous/disruptive behaviors in public, there are ways to address it that rely on following really clear behavioral plans. But a lot of families don’t get that advice and just bump along never addressing it and hoping that apologies will make it OK. The end goal is teach the kids the right/safe behaviors - not manage impressions in public. Apologies by and large are about adults trying to feel better, not teaching the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a six-year-old girl who had been kicked in the back badly at the bottom of the slide, and then started crying, expect anyone to say anything about it?

It was the grownups who wanted the rightful order restored - mom was naive to think that they wanted to know her child had autism. What they wanted to see was the child punished, and likely never brought into public.

Why would any kid that is physically injured by another, even your child if someone runs up and hits them in the face, expect anything in acknowledgement? Parents can just tend to their own and let the chips fall where they may otherwise.

Wtf?

Sociopaths gonna sociopath