Explaining ASD child’s rude comments to strangers

[Anonymous]

I kind of agree with everyone that you don’t need to correct the adults, but that doesn’t mean you need to punish your child, you just need to stick with whatever your plan is to help her learn what’s appropriate and let the adults take care of themselves. They will be fine and they don’t need to understand anything.

[Anonymous]

Teach her not to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say anything. They have no right to private medical information about your kid. The only time this might make sense is if there is some kind of potential for law enforcement to be involved if there is a giant meltdown. But generally for a 6 year old, a meltdown is not going to be mistaken for dangerous aggression.

I have a kid with Autism and to me it is isn't a private medical condition. It is just a fact and could help others understand. Would you hide that fact that your kid is blind if they bump into you? No. Autism is just one part of your dd's and isn't the whole part of her.

No, it’s not something to deploy to excuse your child’s behavior that you’re not making any effort to change. How do you think that will eventually sound to your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

PP and I meant "not only does it NOT change"

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

She doesn’t understand boundaries because you haven’t been consistent in teaching them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

NP. We have a kid like this too - doesn't' understand and rebels against hierarchy, doesn't see hierarchy or authority and will actively level against people she doesn't like, as well as against people she does like (including us her parents). I have family members who are like this too and employment (as well as school) has been a problem for them.

This is a core part of her, and them. I can teach and model but I can't change her. This is who she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

NP. We have a kid like this too - doesn't' understand and rebels against hierarchy, doesn't see hierarchy or authority and will actively level against people she doesn't like, as well as against people she does like (including us her parents). I have family members who are like this too and employment (as well as school) has been a problem for them.

This is a core part of her, and them. I can teach and model but I can't change her. This is who she is.

That’s right. And the more you try to pound a core part of their wiring out of them, the more likely they are to feel like you’ve traumatized them and just taught them to mask for their entire childhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

She doesn’t understand boundaries because you haven’t been consistent in teaching them.

This is OP. I’d be willing to bet she doesn’t understand boundaries because of her disability. Just like I correct my daughter EVERY TIME she’s rude to a stranger (or to me or to anyone) but she continues to do it because it’s a core feature of her disability that what sounds rude to neurotypicals does not sound rude to her.

My question wasn’t what to say to my daughter. I correct her every time. My question was what to say to the offended adult. But I’m thinking most of the people who responded don’t actually have kids with ASD, because the responses don’t seem like they “get it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your daughter know that she is breaking rules by being rude and interrupting strangers? Correct her behavior too.

This.

You and therapy and school have to teacher her manners that other kids figure out themselves. Over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It really doesn’t.

Why are we accommodating grown, mature adults feelings over the actual knowledge of a well meaning, passionate child. Especially in a museum.

Now, it might be more helpful to teach your child how to filter out other people’s conversations while out on public so that they can better manage their anxiety so they don’t even have to hear factuality incorrect adults chatting around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:(As a parent of an impulsive child who says similar things to adults) I think you need to work very hard with her on interactions with strangers and other people. I talk a lot about how- you can't control what other people are doing. And how my child's interactions make other people feel. Even if my child knows they're right, hurting other people's feelings isn't nice. You say "they think she is being"- no, your child IS being sassy and bossy, but she has autism and that just means she needs to work on it more.

At the farm over the weekend I saw something that's maybe what you're talking about? A 2 year old was talking about "baby pigs!" and how cute they were when a kid came over and started screaming at her that they were "piglets" and how dumb she was that she didn't know it and that she was wrong, wrong, wrong. The mom just excused her kid's behavior and said her son likes it when people are accurate and that he has autism.

Holy yuck, she’s going to raise a narcissistic jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:so what if strangers think your kid is being rude? Maybe it's embarrassing for you but it doesn't matter in the long run.

It does matter to OP's kid because she doesn't understand boundaries and differences in positions of authority and that is a problem for her now and it's only going to get worse as she gets older. OP's kid needs to understand that she is not in the same position as an adult at a museum. There is also going to spillover. If she is doing this at a museum, she is doing this with her friends and teachers and she will do it with service providers and then professors, colleagues, and her managers.

NT kids pick up on social cues about boundaries and authority figures better than ASD or ADHD kids but still need boundaries reinforced, including that you do not speak to an adult who is not your parent like your parent. It does not matter how smart OP's daughter is, she will have a very difficult time in the working world if she thinks that she knows better than everyone else and her actions reflect that. Even if it's clear she has ASD and people are understanding of her quirks, she will irritate her colleagues if she doesn't understand boundaries. I've seen it happen and I really wish the person who I saw it happen with had more help and coaching prior to getting into the working world because for HR reasons, it's very tricky for a manager or colleague to sit an employee down and explain that their actions are unwelcome when those actions are tied to a disability. OP needs to coach her daughter when it's appropriate and important to advocate for herself or someone else and what it is important and appropriate to stand back and let something go.

This is a new poster and I do agree with this. However, I don't think those PP's who are saying "teach her differently" have kids that do this, as it is MUCH harder than that.

My kid is 14 and this is an issue. She "does not understand boundaries and the differences in positions of authority" is a perfect way to describe this. I don't recall her doing this at 6, other than being a little rude to grandma (boy, did we get hell for that). She didn't correct people in museums or walk up to random strangers and be "rude." But boy has it gotten worse, and it is not easy to teach or coach an Autistic brain on this subject, it just isn't. Our kid has been in therapy galore, social skills groups, OT, everything you can think of. She doesn't say please and thank you even though we remind her constantly (she does sometimes, but "forgets" other times). Her emails and interactions with teachers are astoundingly rude sounding. Our other child charms the pants off of teachers and adults most of the time (not to compare, they are two very different kids), just to point out that I don't think it is primarily our parenting.

If anyone has suggestions about how to improve this, I'm all ears - we have tried and coach every single situation we learn about. But not only does it change, we get lectured by our DD. "Why do adults deserve more respect just because they are older" (when that is not what we said), "why should I not call someone out for being [homophobic, racist, sexist, ableist] etc." (even when we explain that it is not what you say, it is how you say it). I becomes an absolutely exhausting intellectual debate and I always lose. She just doesn't get how this does and is going to continue to affect her relationships and how others view her. I am certainly afraid of how she will get along as she gets older, in school, in college, in the working world. Particularly with people she doesn't like or who are inconsequential to HER, doesn't matter if they have a lot of power over her.

Just saying, OP, it's not becuase you're not trying or modeling or coaching or whatever. It's just hard.

She doesn’t understand boundaries because you haven’t been consistent in teaching them.

This is OP. I’d be willing to bet she doesn’t understand boundaries because of her disability. Just like I correct my daughter EVERY TIME she’s rude to a stranger (or to me or to anyone) but she continues to do it because it’s a core feature of her disability that what sounds rude to neurotypicals does not sound rude to her.

My question wasn’t what to say to my daughter. I correct her every time. My question was what to say to the offended adult. But I’m thinking most of the people who responded don’t actually have kids with ASD, because the responses don’t seem like they “get it.”

If this actually happens frequently it’s a safety issue and you should consult an ABA therapist. Our kids can learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:(As a parent of an impulsive child who says similar things to adults) I think you need to work very hard with her on interactions with strangers and other people. I talk a lot about how- you can't control what other people are doing. And how my child's interactions make other people feel. Even if my child knows they're right, hurting other people's feelings isn't nice. You say "they think she is being"- no, your child IS being sassy and bossy, but she has autism and that just means she needs to work on it more.

At the farm over the weekend I saw something that's maybe what you're talking about? A 2 year old was talking about "baby pigs!" and how cute they were when a kid came over and started screaming at her that they were "piglets" and how dumb she was that she didn't know it and that she was wrong, wrong, wrong. The mom just excused her kid's behavior and said her son likes it when people are accurate and that he has autism.

Holy yuck, she’s going to raise a narcissistic jerk.

That’s not narcissism.