Parents of average students, calm down!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

No one gets merit scholarships to T10. You calculate your EFC in advance because that is what you are likely paying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I have a liberal arts undergrad degree and ended up in a science field. I understand the push for STEM, but I wish people actually understood the liberal arts fields better and how we need those types of folks as well. In fact, having a liberal arts background can add and not hinder in developing critical thinking skills/creativity/thinking outside the box/questioning the status quo. I understand folks with limited means or not as a rich as you steering their kids towards practical degrees. But you have the means. You equate success with being rich and prestige. Your kids are more than just an investment. You call it being pragmatic, I just think it's sad.

DP.. why do you think it's only about prestige? For us, it's about reaching financial independence and a comfortable life earlier on in life. I struggled a lot in my 20s. I come from a poor background and didn't go to a great univ.

I don't want my kids to go through what I went through in my 20s. So, I want them to go to a good univ, and major in something that they can find a good job in.

But your push for this could make them miserable for the rest of their lives! Let your kids pick what they want to do, within reason. If they want to be a philosophy major, help them understand what they can do with that major for a career. help them realize that they can major in whatever, but then they need to find a path to turn it into employment that pays the bills. Many humanities/ss majors do just this each year. You just need to be open ended with the job search. The best thing you can do for them is help them exit college debt free, or as close to debt free as possible. That will get them further than any "elite" university. Much easier to get started in life at a $40K/year job if you don't have $1000/month in student loans.

I don't push my kids into specific majors, but I tell them the truth about how much it costs to live. I don't tell them, "Oh major in whatever fluff you want to because the most important thing is for you to pursue knowledge". No, that's only for the privileged, not for people who need to actually work for a living.

Agree on the debt aspect. I had zero debt. Went to a no name univ, but it was so much cheaper back then too.

But what is the truth you tell them about how much it costs to live? Like, how much to live in a wealthy suburb of a big city in a single family house? Or a more average cost of living? I ask because I have lived among different circles of people and the wealthy were absolutely most obsessed with making sure their kids made “enough.” As if adulthood required private schools and country clubs.

PP here, we neither belong to a country club nor send our kids to private.

We tell them how much our house costs, which is admittedly in a nice neighborhood. If they want to live in a nice neighborhood like ours, then this is what it costs. Of course, we also tell them to be realistic, that when they are just starting out, they shouldn't expect to live so nicely. But, we've told them about how much things costs. If you want to drive x car, this is how much it costs. Our food bill is x. When we go on vacation it costs us x.

Years ago, we were on summer vacation, and we got ice cream from a shop everyday while we were out. DC asked how much we were spending on ice cream, so we told DC how much it cost every time we went, then DC calculated how much we spend on ice cream alone. DC was shocked. This DC is now working PT while in HS and buying stuff for themselves, going out to eat with friends. This DC is also a senior in HS, and we've sat down with DC and went through the costs, and if they decide to go to a pricey school and get a loan, this is how long it will take you to pay it back. Oh, and this is how much Uncle SAM will take out of your paycheck.

Both spouse and I come from very modest means. Our kids are privileged to be sure, but it's not like they come from family money.

[Anonymous]

Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

+1 what a sad post.

DP.. what's sad is that some of you probably come from privilege and don't understand that a lot of families don't have that privilege to let their kids follow their passion without thinking about finances.

Sure, they could be a talented writer. But how are they going to pay their bills while they are trying to write a book or whatever. We don't come from money. My parents live on social security. I can't support my adult children until they hit it big, if ever.

So, yea, they need to get a job that pays enough for them to live comfortably because I can't support them forever.

Sounds like you come from a long line of poor decision makers. Maybe you should take different advice than the masses?

I come from an immigrant family whose home land was ravaged by war. So, FU.

If your grandparents were on social security as you say, then my comment stands. You've been here 3 generations (at least), many immigrants do exceedingly well in that time. Your family did not. Perhaps it's due to poor executive functioning, i.e., telling an anonymous person "FU" gives away more than you think.

? you really need to educate yourself. Why on earth would you think it was my grandparents who immigrated here, and that I've been here for 3 generations? Wow, some seriously ignorant people on here.

Timeline - if your grandparents were on social security then they were in America, because that’s where social security as we know it exits. It is not called that in other countries. That’s generation 1, generation 2 is your parents, generation 3 is you. I assume this because I can read and count.

Can you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

Oh goody, the Tech Sales Bro (TM) is here again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

I’d probably love knowing you in real life. I feel the same way.

So there are two braggarts with appalling social skills. It’s unfortunate that there is more than one of you. I’m skeptical you have the social skills to actually make a friend, though.

Really takes some social deficits to open a thread about average kids just so you can brag about a child with a 4.7 GPA. That is just so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP.

Just a week ago, a status-obsessed parent told me that a student attending U of Toledo had better be prepared to live in Ohio because that is the only place they’d find a job. 😂🤣😂🤣

Wow! You were so stung by that comment. You have now referenced it 3 times. Not what I said. I said it is more difficult to get a job outside the region from a regional school. I’m sorry that ruins your plans for your kid to go to UT. As I said, I have several relatives that went there and it is a decent education but indeed harder to get a job. Both my husband and I attended regional schools. We got jobs in different regions but it is harder than getting one in the region where you went to school because people know the school and there is a network.

I am far from status obsessed, which is very clear from the schools my kid is applying to. I think the USNWR rankings are a horrible thing. You know nothing about me, but feel free to keep mischaracterizing my statement. Your ignorance is showing.

Laugh all you want.

NP. You do come across as exceptionally status-obsessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

Congrats to your son! But I don’t think he is like this because of your husbands training. Having a sales type personality is not something that anyone can just learn and do. He likely inherited an edge in it, just like others inherit academic skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Duh. Top 10 schools don’t give merit aid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Duh. Top 10 schools don’t give merit aid.

Weird. My DC is a freshman at Stanford this year and has a full ride scholarship for four years. Our HHI is $675K and our NW is $7.8M. We’re not sure what to do with the $350K in his 529 plan. Change the beneficiary later to a grandkid, I guess.

I think you meant to say that T10 schools don’t give merit aid to normal students. They certainly give it to world-class candidates, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Duh. Top 10 schools don’t give merit aid.

Weird. My DC is a freshman at Stanford this year and has a full ride scholarship for four years. Our HHI is $675K and our NW is $7.8M. We’re not sure what to do with the $350K in his 529 plan. Change the beneficiary later to a grandkid, I guess.

I think you meant to say that T10 schools don’t give merit aid to normal students. They certainly give it to world-class candidates, though.

I am curious, is your DC a recruited "world class" athlete or have an incredible talent in some other area?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP.

Just a week ago, a status-obsessed parent told me that a student attending U of Toledo had better be prepared to live in Ohio because that is the only place they’d find a job. 😂🤣😂🤣

Wow! You were so stung by that comment. You have now referenced it 3 times. Not what I said. I said it is more difficult to get a job outside the region from a regional school. I’m sorry that ruins your plans for your kid to go to UT. As I said, I have several relatives that went there and it is a decent education but indeed harder to get a job. Both my husband and I attended regional schools. We got jobs in different regions but it is harder than getting one in the region where you went to school because people know the school and there is a network.

I am far from status obsessed, which is very clear from the schools my kid is applying to. I think the USNWR rankings are a horrible thing. You know nothing about me, but feel free to keep mischaracterizing my statement. Your ignorance is showing.

Laugh all you want.

NP. You do come across as exceptionally status-obsessed.

Really? I’m really not. I just don’t think a kid from Cleveland State is as competitive in NY as a kid from Pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I have a liberal arts undergrad degree and ended up in a science field. I understand the push for STEM, but I wish people actually understood the liberal arts fields better and how we need those types of folks as well. In fact, having a liberal arts background can add and not hinder in developing critical thinking skills/creativity/thinking outside the box/questioning the status quo. I understand folks with limited means or not as a rich as you steering their kids towards practical degrees. But you have the means. You equate success with being rich and prestige. Your kids are more than just an investment. You call it being pragmatic, I just think it's sad.

DP.. why do you think it's only about prestige? For us, it's about reaching financial independence and a comfortable life earlier on in life. I struggled a lot in my 20s. I come from a poor background and didn't go to a great univ.

I don't want my kids to go through what I went through in my 20s. So, I want them to go to a good univ, and major in something that they can find a good job in.

But your push for this could make them miserable for the rest of their lives! Let your kids pick what they want to do, within reason. If they want to be a philosophy major, help them understand what they can do with that major for a career. help them realize that they can major in whatever, but then they need to find a path to turn it into employment that pays the bills. Many humanities/ss majors do just this each year. You just need to be open ended with the job search. The best thing you can do for them is help them exit college debt free, or as close to debt free as possible. That will get them further than any "elite" university. Much easier to get started in life at a $40K/year job if you don't have $1000/month in student loans.

I don't push my kids into specific majors, but I tell them the truth about how much it costs to live. I don't tell them, "Oh major in whatever fluff you want to because the most important thing is for you to pursue knowledge". No, that's only for the privileged, not for people who need to actually work for a living.

Agree on the debt aspect. I had zero debt. Went to a no name univ, but it was so much cheaper back then too.

But what is the truth you tell them about how much it costs to live? Like, how much to live in a wealthy suburb of a big city in a single family house? Or a more average cost of living? I ask because I have lived among different circles of people and the wealthy were absolutely most obsessed with making sure their kids made “enough.” As if adulthood required private schools and country clubs.

PP here, we neither belong to a country club nor send our kids to private.

We tell them how much our house costs, which is admittedly in a nice neighborhood. If they want to live in a nice neighborhood like ours, then this is what it costs. Of course, we also tell them to be realistic, that when they are just starting out, they shouldn't expect to live so nicely. But, we've told them about how much things costs. If you want to drive x car, this is how much it costs. Our food bill is x. When we go on vacation it costs us x.

Years ago, we were on summer vacation, and we got ice cream from a shop everyday while we were out. DC asked how much we were spending on ice cream, so we told DC how much it cost every time we went, then DC calculated how much we spend on ice cream alone. DC was shocked. This DC is now working PT while in HS and buying stuff for themselves, going out to eat with friends. This DC is also a senior in HS, and we've sat down with DC and went through the costs, and if they decide to go to a pricey school and get a loan, this is how long it will take you to pay it back. Oh, and this is how much Uncle SAM will take out of your paycheck.

Both spouse and I come from very modest means. Our kids are privileged to be sure, but it's not like they come from family money.

This is exactly what should happen in every family/household! Kids need to understand a budget, what essentials will cost and what luxuries will cost. Especially like the point about how when starting out you won't live as nicely. Our kids don't see what our first apartments/cars out of college were like. For most kids, they will be living at a lower level than they grew up when they start out---just like most of us did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

+1 what a sad post.

DP.. what's sad is that some of you probably come from privilege and don't understand that a lot of families don't have that privilege to let their kids follow their passion without thinking about finances.

Sure, they could be a talented writer. But how are they going to pay their bills while they are trying to write a book or whatever. We don't come from money. My parents live on social security. I can't support my adult children until they hit it big, if ever.

So, yea, they need to get a job that pays enough for them to live comfortably because I can't support them forever.

There have been and will thankfully continue to be lots of people who support themselves while also embarking on creative and nontraditional pursuits. You don't need to squash your kids dreams to prepare them for the real world. There can be balance in parenting. I feel bad for creative and talented kids who have parents who just aren't and don't support them(emotionally) in their need to create.