Parents of average students, calm down!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

+1 what a sad post.

DP.. what's sad is that some of you probably come from privilege and don't understand that a lot of families don't have that privilege to let their kids follow their passion without thinking about finances.

Sure, they could be a talented writer. But how are they going to pay their bills while they are trying to write a book or whatever. We don't come from money. My parents live on social security. I can't support my adult children until they hit it big, if ever.

So, yea, they need to get a job that pays enough for them to live comfortably because I can't support them forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

Those are your anxieties and insecurity not mine. Don't feel sorry for my kids. They will be fine and quite possibly the employers of your kids. One is launched and one to go.

Think outside the box! You still have your rat race blinders on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an average kid and would be considered successful by most standards.

Unless you are under 35, times are really different. College admissions is so much more competitive than even 10 years ago.

Only true for the top 100 or so schools. There are plenty of schools that need students. You will see that in May a list comes out (with some decent schools) of all of the schools that still have spots open. There are colleges for your kid. You just have to be open minded.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, OP. This is good advice and an important reminder. I was a straight A (ok occasional B) student and went to a top boarding school and private college, master’s program etc. I chose a passion field and still work in nonprofits, earning just $126k at 46 though I have earned more in the past. I am perfectly content (my husband followed a very similar path and makes about the same). But now for our two kids, I realize I don’t have to stress about the occasional Bs. If they are encouraged and supported, that is the best we can do. My sibling went to an elite college (think Harvard) but completely washed out due to mental illness that manifested in their 20s). Life throws unexpected curve balls. Having a high IQ or straight As is not a reliable insurance policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am specifically worried about A students who can't stand out because of the test-optional and grade-inflation climate.

So some "A students" probably benefitted from grade inflation too, no?

Test -optional isn't going away, but one can still try and get a high score to stand out (depending on the school applied to).

Yes, you're right. Then I mean just the high-achievers. I just wish everyone could be neatly slotted by academic rank, that's all, regardless of ethnicity, income, other talents, etc. My kid wouldn't be at the top, but at least there wouldn't be so much angst and uncertainty. Universities are places of academic learning, and in other countries, academics is all there is to the college application process. It's so much simpler.

You really took a thread about average kids and turned it into a thread about your high achiever? The other thousand or so threads about high achievers is not enough for you? So self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I have a liberal arts undergrad degree and ended up in a science field. I understand the push for STEM, but I wish people actually understood the liberal arts fields better and how we need those types of folks as well. In fact, having a liberal arts background can add and not hinder in developing critical thinking skills/creativity/thinking outside the box/questioning the status quo. I understand folks with limited means or not as a rich as you steering their kids towards practical degrees. But you have the means. You equate success with being rich and prestige. Your kids are more than just an investment. You call it being pragmatic, I just think it's sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

Those are your anxieties and insecurity not mine. Don't feel sorry for my kids. They will be fine and quite possibly the employers of your kids. One is launched and one to go.

Think outside the box! You still have your rat race blinders on.

Are you this insufferable in real life lady?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, OP. This is good advice and an important reminder. I was a straight A (ok occasional B) student and went to a top boarding school and private college, master’s program etc. I chose a passion field and still work in nonprofits, earning just $126k at 46 though I have earned more in the past. I am perfectly content (my husband followed a very similar path and makes about the same). But now for our two kids, I realize I don’t have to stress about the occasional Bs. If they are encouraged and supported, that is the best we can do. My sibling went to an elite college (think Harvard) but completely washed out due to mental illness that manifested in their 20s). Life throws unexpected curve balls. Having a high IQ or straight As is not a reliable insurance policy.

To be fair, you posted salaries in the top 20 percent of HHIs for DC as an example of low income passion work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am specifically worried about A students who can't stand out because of the test-optional and grade-inflation climate.

I'd be more worried about A students who actually haven't had to work very hard, and A students who don't know that it is OK to get a B, and A students who expect that they are the very best of the best based on grades. Those kids can really get hit hard in college and you should watch out for signs of depression.

Yep. My kid went to a HS with no APs and grade deflation. In college, she said kids with tons of APs from schools where they had never received below an A- were crashing and burning. They were not critical thinkers and had poor writing. It was hrs for them because they were used to all A’s so the first couple of grades were shockers. Even though HS was tough and she graduated with a 3.6, she felt better prepared than these kids with over 4.0 from other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an average kid and would be considered successful by most standards.

Unless you are under 35, times are really different. College admissions is so much more competitive than even 10 years ago.

Only true for the top 100 or so schools. There are plenty of schools that need students. You will see that in May a list comes out (with some decent schools) of all of the schools that still have spots open. There are colleges for your kid. You just have to be open minded.

Even schools like Towson have become somewhat competitive for average kids.

I went to a CSU school eons ago in CA. It was considered pretty easy to get in. I am hearing that this school has now become competitive because of the demand. It's crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I have a liberal arts undergrad degree and ended up in a science field. I understand the push for STEM, but I wish people actually understood the liberal arts fields better and how we need those types of folks as well. In fact, having a liberal arts background can add and not hinder in developing critical thinking skills/creativity/thinking outside the box/questioning the status quo. I understand folks with limited means or not as a rich as you steering their kids towards practical degrees. But you have the means. You equate success with being rich and prestige. Your kids are more than just an investment. You call it being pragmatic, I just think it's sad.

DP.. why do you think it's only about prestige? For us, it's about reaching financial independence and a comfortable life earlier on in life. I struggled a lot in my 20s. I come from a poor background and didn't go to a great univ.

I don't want my kids to go through what I went through in my 20s. So, I want them to go to a good univ, and major in something that they can find a good job in.

[Anonymous]

Haha - yeah, I’m 45 with a masters but just got a promotion at a nonprofit that got me to over $70k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was an average kid and would be considered successful by most standards.

Unless you are under 35, times are really different. College admissions is so much more competitive than even 10 years ago.

Only true for the top 100 or so schools. There are plenty of schools that need students. You will see that in May a list comes out (with some decent schools) of all of the schools that still have spots open. There are colleges for your kid. You just have to be open minded.

Even schools like Towson have become somewhat competitive for average kids.

I went to a CSU school eons ago in CA. It was considered pretty easy to get in. I am hearing that this school has now become competitive because of the demand. It's crazy.

For the class enrolling in fall 2021 Towson accepted 10,213 of 11,616 who applied- 87%. This is not a knock against Towson. It is great. I think this is consistent with the mission of Towson. But, it is a stretch to say that it is competitive to get in. I think people get caught up in rumor and fear and lose track of the big picture. There are tons of great universities and there will be one your kid can get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I have a liberal arts undergrad degree and ended up in a science field. I understand the push for STEM, but I wish people actually understood the liberal arts fields better and how we need those types of folks as well. In fact, having a liberal arts background can add and not hinder in developing critical thinking skills/creativity/thinking outside the box/questioning the status quo. I understand folks with limited means or not as a rich as you steering their kids towards practical degrees. But you have the means. You equate success with being rich and prestige. Your kids are more than just an investment. You call it being pragmatic, I just think it's sad.

DP.. why do you think it's only about prestige? For us, it's about reaching financial independence and a comfortable life earlier on in life. I struggled a lot in my 20s. I come from a poor background and didn't go to a great univ.

I don't want my kids to go through what I went through in my 20s. So, I want them to go to a good univ, and major in something that they can find a good job in.

Read my reply again. I said I understand pushing kids into practical degrees esp if they do no come from well off families. I was questioning the previous poster’s attitude. Btw, most good jobs will require more than undergrad and in many cases, the undergrad will be in a liberal arts degree.

[Anonymous]

I understand the idea that a practical degree feels very appealing to get a job but I also think the critical thinking and writing of a humanities degree could be important to any student, particularly if one wants to go to grad school. I would encourage excellent students who need significant aid to consider going this route - it was what I did and worked out well. I got undergrad paid for at smaller university that provided mentoring that I never received at my giant public low-income HS. And then I had a great platform for getting into a prestigious grad school (by getting a teaching fellowship).

This is a path for an exceptionally dedicated student but it is there.

On the flip side, don't blow off trades. General contractors, craftsman and journeymen can make a great living. These are great careers.