Parents of average students, calm down!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

You are crazy if you think all of the kids at top schools love learning. Many of them have been pushed there by overbearing parents and have grade grubbed their way to a good GPA. They care more about getting an A than learning the material. Many have cheated their way through HS. Sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Duh. Top 10 schools don’t give merit aid.

Weird. My DC is a freshman at Stanford this year and has a full ride scholarship for four years. Our HHI is $675K and our NW is $7.8M. We’re not sure what to do with the $350K in his 529 plan. Change the beneficiary later to a grandkid, I guess.

I think you meant to say that T10 schools don’t give merit aid to normal students. They certainly give it to world-class candidates, though.

I am curious, is your DC a recruited "world class" athlete or have an incredible talent in some other area?

Recruited athlete. Hand selected during junior year. Planning for major. Also with an SAT of 1590, an unweighted HS GPA that rounds to 4.00, and a weighted GPA that rounds to 4.64. On track for straight As in Autumn Quarter.

Uggh. Planning for major in Physics and to declare in the upcoming Spring Quarter.

No, your recruited athlete offspring is not going to be majoring in Physics. There will be no majoring in anything where there are set labs your offspring must attend. Note how the athlete-popular "human biology" program is structured. Do you see any discussion of labs? That would be a "no".

If your kid thinks he wants to get a degree in some sort of science, then do the BS (not BA) in Human Biology. Or maybe "Management Science and Engineering" with the emphasis on management. I suppose you could do a regular engineering program so long as you have [ur=https://www.forbes.com/sites/deniserestauri/2013/09/26/whats-the-next-big-thing-for-engineering-students-a-lab-that-fits-in-a-backpack/?sh=4e5ae1a2796fl]portable labs (in a "backpack")[/url] that your kid can do on the road or outsource to his academic support person.

But the most important thing by far is to be fully available for games, practices, and off-season conditioning. No distractions. I'm afraid "physics" doesn't fill the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

You are crazy if you think all of the kids at top schools love learning. Many of them have been pushed there by overbearing parents and have grade grubbed their way to a good GPA. They care more about getting an A than learning the material. Many have cheated their way through HS. Sad, but true.

Oh, I know you are right and that's why it is sad when a kid who actually does love learning doesn't get in, but someone like who you described above does. It is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Duh. Top 10 schools don’t give merit aid.

Weird. My DC is a freshman at Stanford this year and has a full ride scholarship for four years. Our HHI is $675K and our NW is $7.8M. We’re not sure what to do with the $350K in his 529 plan. Change the beneficiary later to a grandkid, I guess.

I think you meant to say that T10 schools don’t give merit aid to normal students. They certainly give it to world-class candidates, though.

I am curious, is your DC a recruited "world class" athlete or have an incredible talent in some other area?

Recruited athlete. Hand selected during junior year. Planning for major. Also with an SAT of 1590, an unweighted HS GPA that rounds to 4.00, and a weighted GPA that rounds to 4.64. On track for straight As in Autumn Quarter.

Uggh. Planning for major in Physics and to declare in the upcoming Spring Quarter.

No, your recruited athlete offspring is not going to be majoring in Physics. There will be no majoring in anything where there are set labs your offspring must attend. Note how the athlete-popular "human biology" program is structured. Do you see any discussion of labs? That would be a "no".

If your kid thinks he wants to get a degree in some sort of science, then do the BS (not BA) in Human Biology. Or maybe "Management Science and Engineering" with the emphasis on management. I suppose you could do a regular engineering program so long as you have [ur=https://www.forbes.com/sites/deniserestauri/2013/09/26/whats-the-next-big-thing-for-engineering-students-a-lab-that-fits-in-a-backpack/?sh=4e5ae1a2796fl]portable labs (in a "backpack")[/url] that your kid can do on the road or outsource to his academic support person.

But the most important thing by far is to be fully available for games, practices, and off-season conditioning. No distractions. I'm afraid "physics" doesn't fill the bill.

Thanks for the unsolicited advice, but let’s leave the negotiations between athletics and academic schedules to the departmental experts at Stanford. Having just been there…yesterday…I can assure you that a Bachelor of Science in Physics is not mutually exclusive with a varsity athlete’s extracurricular schedule. Just because no one in your family could achieve a goal like this doesn’t mean others cannot.

[Anonymous]

NP. Love the Stanford helicopter mom who can’t stop inserting herself into a thread about average students. Really hope she’s trolling because otherwise, what a horror show she is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

+1 what a sad post.

DP.. what's sad is that some of you probably come from privilege and don't understand that a lot of families don't have that privilege to let their kids follow their passion without thinking about finances.

Sure, they could be a talented writer. But how are they going to pay their bills while they are trying to write a book or whatever. We don't come from money. My parents live on social security. I can't support my adult children until they hit it big, if ever.

So, yea, they need to get a job that pays enough for them to live comfortably because I can't support them forever.

There have been and will thankfully continue to be lots of people who support themselves while also embarking on creative and nontraditional pursuits. You don't need to squash your kids dreams to prepare them for the real world. There can be balance in parenting. I feel bad for creative and talented kids who have parents who just aren't and don't support them(emotionally) in their need to create.

Yes, I feel badly for unprivileged people who don't have the means to focus solely on their creativity and not worry about how to pay their rent. Those poor kids. If only Karen could pay for my kids' bills so they can pursue their creativity.

"Supporting" themselves is subjective. If a person lives in a dump (like I did as a child), and can only afford to eat fast food, is that considered "supporting themselves"? Yes. Is that the kind of life most people want? I know mine don't.

What creative field allows for the majority of 35 yr old to be paid a salary such that they can support themselves in a manner that most people would be happy with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. Love the Stanford helicopter mom who can’t stop inserting herself into a thread about average students. Really hope she’s trolling because otherwise, what a horror show she is!

+1. I call troll. She’s probably the same fool who claimed she has 4 or 5 kids and sent them all to 50k privates, sockpuppeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

+1 what a sad post.

DP.. what's sad is that some of you probably come from privilege and don't understand that a lot of families don't have that privilege to let their kids follow their passion without thinking about finances.

Sure, they could be a talented writer. But how are they going to pay their bills while they are trying to write a book or whatever. We don't come from money. My parents live on social security. I can't support my adult children until they hit it big, if ever.

So, yea, they need to get a job that pays enough for them to live comfortably because I can't support them forever.

There have been and will thankfully continue to be lots of people who support themselves while also embarking on creative and nontraditional pursuits. You don't need to squash your kids dreams to prepare them for the real world. There can be balance in parenting. I feel bad for creative and talented kids who have parents who just aren't and don't support them(emotionally) in their need to create.

Yes, I feel badly for unprivileged people who don't have the means to focus solely on their creativity and not worry about how to pay their rent. Those poor kids. If only Karen could pay for my kids' bills so they can pursue their creativity.

"Supporting" themselves is subjective. If a person lives in a dump (like I did as a child), and can only afford to eat fast food, is that considered "supporting themselves"? Yes. Is that the kind of life most people want? I know mine don't.

What creative field allows for the majority of 35 yr old to be paid a salary such that they can support themselves in a manner that most people would be happy with?

Actually A LOT do. Graphic Design, Styling, Commercial Photography, Commercial Art and Illustration, Fashion Design, Interior Design the list goes on. The thing is people who are in these and the many other fields, had parents or another adult that encouraged them to follow their dreams and innate talents. All of the above require training and talent and getting to know people through specialized programs. The world is a big and beautiful place with many opportunities out there. A 35 year old who had been doing this sort of work since college, and was good at it and focused, could easily make above 80-90k per year with any of the above and many have opportunities to start independent businesses and make much more. Support your creative kids and don't be such a small minded person. Just because you don't know about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

You are crazy if you think all of the kids at top schools love learning. Many of them have been pushed there by overbearing parents and have grade grubbed their way to a good GPA. They care more about getting an A than learning the material. Many have cheated their way through HS. Sad, but true.

Most people can't afford to go to college to be "intellectuals." That ship sailed a few generations ago, when a college degree started becoming the basic requirement to have a shot at a middle class lifestyle. Kids don't go to college to sit around the quad while discussing philosophy. They go to get a degree that will hopefully allow them to get a well-paying job after school. There's a reason that business administration is the most popular degree in American colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

You are crazy if you think all of the kids at top schools love learning. Many of them have been pushed there by overbearing parents and have grade grubbed their way to a good GPA. They care more about getting an A than learning the material. Many have cheated their way through HS. Sad, but true.

Most people can't afford to go to college to be "intellectuals." That ship sailed a few generations ago, when a college degree started becoming the basic requirement to have a shot at a middle class lifestyle. Kids don't go to college to sit around the quad while discussing philosophy. They go to get a degree that will hopefully allow them to get a well-paying job after school. There's a reason that business administration is the most popular degree in American colleges.

+1000

I am not wealth, so I can't afford to have my kid burn down our 529 by majoring in Philosophy. Sorry, but it's the facts.

[Anonymous]

I thought this was a thread about average students and their worried parents???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

Congrats to your son! But I don’t think he is like this because of your husbands training. Having a sales type personality is not something that anyone can just learn and do. He likely inherited an edge in it, just like others inherit academic skills.

Wrong! You can train sales skill just like academics, social skills and athletics.. yes some may be extroverts and have a natural edge, but everyone can improve. Read How to Make Friends and Inflence People (for starters). There are so many books on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

You are crazy if you think all of the kids at top schools love learning. Many of them have been pushed there by overbearing parents and have grade grubbed their way to a good GPA. They care more about getting an A than learning the material. Many have cheated their way through HS. Sad, but true.

Why do you think that kids aren't smart enough to figure out that they need an education in order to live the lifestyle that they want and then proceed through school accordingly? There are plenty of great students who are indifferent about school without needing pushy parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Back to the original point, don't let your anxiety run this process. Your kid needs support not pressure and judgment.

My kid got B/C grade in HS and 2.5 GPA in college because DH thinks school is not that important, just to get a college degree at any school is good enough. He trained DC at a young age to be good sports, music, and social skills. DC is now 27 years old and is a top software sales person for a tech company making over 700K in salary and bonus. The soft skill is so much more important than where you go to school. Please relax and land the helicopter.

The thing is your child (and husband) sounds like someone who isn't particularly intellectual. I mean this without any judgment. A lot of people simply aren't.
But some kids are really interested in learning so the idea of finding a college where they can be with others who love to learn is exciting, and now feels stressful because of the process that now exists.
Not everyone measures success by how much they make in sales.
That would be an empty and unfulfilling job for some people regardless of how many figures they make.

You are crazy if you think all of the kids at top schools love learning. Many of them have been pushed there by overbearing parents and have grade grubbed their way to a good GPA. They care more about getting an A than learning the material. Many have cheated their way through HS. Sad, but true.

Yep and they can continue to be successful because HS doesn't teach the skills they actually need, like salesmanship, likability, perseverance, entrepreneurship, and drive. Successful kids learn this from parents, coaches, friends, etc.