Parents of average students, calm down!

[Anonymous]

My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I have a liberal arts undergrad degree and ended up in a science field. I understand the push for STEM, but I wish people actually understood the liberal arts fields better and how we need those types of folks as well. In fact, having a liberal arts background can add and not hinder in developing critical thinking skills/creativity/thinking outside the box/questioning the status quo. I understand folks with limited means or not as a rich as you steering their kids towards practical degrees. But you have the means. You equate success with being rich and prestige. Your kids are more than just an investment. You call it being pragmatic, I just think it's sad.

DP.. why do you think it's only about prestige? For us, it's about reaching financial independence and a comfortable life earlier on in life. I struggled a lot in my 20s. I come from a poor background and didn't go to a great univ.

I don't want my kids to go through what I went through in my 20s. So, I want them to go to a good univ, and major in something that they can find a good job in.

But your push for this could make them miserable for the rest of their lives! Let your kids pick what they want to do, within reason. If they want to be a philosophy major, help them understand what they can do with that major for a career. help them realize that they can major in whatever, but then they need to find a path to turn it into employment that pays the bills. Many humanities/ss majors do just this each year. You just need to be open ended with the job search. The best thing you can do for them is help them exit college debt free, or as close to debt free as possible. That will get them further than any "elite" university. Much easier to get started in life at a $40K/year job if you don't have $1000/month in student loans.

I don't push my kids into specific majors, but I tell them the truth about how much it costs to live. I don't tell them, "Oh major in whatever fluff you want to because the most important thing is for you to pursue knowledge". No, that's only for the privileged, not for people who need to actually work for a living.

Agree on the debt aspect. I had zero debt. Went to a no name univ, but it was so much cheaper back then too.

But what is the truth you tell them about how much it costs to live? Like, how much to live in a wealthy suburb of a big city in a single family house? Or a more average cost of living? I ask because I have lived among different circles of people and the wealthy were absolutely most obsessed with making sure their kids made “enough.” As if adulthood required private schools and country clubs.

I am a different poster and don’t agree with a lot of what PP is saying but I have had conversations about what life costs, and for my kids those conversations entail discussions about housing costs, insurance costs and taxes. My kids also both work part-time jobs. My POV is you have to figure out what life path YOU want. Lots of lower income professionals have fulfilling lives and others want more items. One of my kids will likely pursue a career in academia that will not be as lucrative but has not cared a lot about material things (and saves more than half of their earnings as a high schooler) and would get a lot out of the really value the work they were doing. Other child knows they care more for creature comforts and is looking at careers that make more money.

We do have enough saved (along with kids applying to schools where they can come out debt-free) and I realize that is a luxury in itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

Should've but had family responsibilities. Good for your average kid to have more options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

JFC - why are you such an arrogant a-hole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP.

Just a week ago, a status-obsessed parent told me that a student attending U of Toledo had better be prepared to live in Ohio because that is the only place they’d find a job. 😂🤣😂🤣

Wow! You were so stung by that comment. You have now referenced it 3 times. Not what I said. I said it is more difficult to get a job outside the region from a regional school. I’m sorry that ruins your plans for your kid to go to UT. As I said, I have several relatives that went there and it is a decent education but indeed harder to get a job. Both my husband and I attended regional schools. We got jobs in different regions but it is harder than getting one in the region where you went to school because people know the school and there is a network.

I am far from status obsessed, which is very clear from the schools my kid is applying to. I think the USNWR rankings are a horrible thing. You know nothing about me, but feel free to keep mischaracterizing my statement. Your ignorance is showing.

Laugh all you want.

[Anonymous]

I think some parents should ask themselves…if you didn’t care about what your neighbor thought…if you didn’t care about the virtue signaling of the t-shirt…if you didn’t think that their college selection had any baring on how you raised your child, and all you thought was “how can my child be the best adult?” Many more people would be just fine with the state school that has professors who want to see them succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

JFC - why are you such an arrogant a-hole?

Because I’m really sick of these insensitive d& is coming into a thread about average kids whining about how their “high stats” kids didn’t catch a break. Virtually every other th read is about T20 and. Their perfect high stats kids. Please just let us have one thread about average kids without someone implying their kids are more deserving, etc. some of our kids have LDs and other challenges and they have worked twice as hrs as many of these “high stays” kids. They are no less deserving of a good education.

That poster seemed to think their kid was entitled to a scholarship. Boo fricking hoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

Should've but had family responsibilities. Good for your average kid to have more options.

You think it was easy for me? We saved from the time our first kid was born. You have no idea what our responsibilities are, which by the way, involved expensive LD remediation that the schools would not cover because they were content to let our kid fail, which we were not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

Those are your anxieties and insecurity not mine. Don't feel sorry for my kids. They will be fine and quite possibly the employers of your kids. One is launched and one to go.

Think outside the box! You still have your rat race blinders on.

G*d**n you're insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

JFC - why are you such an arrogant a-hole?

Because I’m really sick of these insensitive d& is coming into a thread about average kids whining about how their “high stats” kids didn’t catch a break. Virtually every other th read is about T20 and. Their perfect high stats kids. Please just let us have one thread about average kids without someone implying their kids are more deserving, etc. some of our kids have LDs and other challenges and they have worked twice as hrs as many of these “high stays” kids. They are no less deserving of a good education.

That poster seemed to think their kid was entitled to a scholarship. Boo fricking hoo.

Thank you! SO sick of the one-upsmanship around here. OP started a thread about average kids. We don't want to hear a thing about your grinding overachievers. Stick to your own kind and stay off the threads you don't belong on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

Should've but had family responsibilities. Good for your average kid to have more options.

You think it was easy for me? We saved from the time our first kid was born. You have no idea what our responsibilities are, which by the way, involved expensive LD remediation that the schools would not cover because they were content to let our kid fail, which we were not.

I'm not assuming anything, just mentioning our financial responsibilities for two sets of parents who couldn't save and didn't have pension or social healthcare in their home country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My high achiever star got into top 10 schools but didn't get any aid or scholarship and we couldn't afford full pay so be afraid of your dreams coming true.

Guess you should have saved some money. My average kid will go wherever she wants because we can pay for it.

JFC - why are you such an arrogant a-hole?

Because I’m really sick of these insensitive d& is coming into a thread about average kids whining about how their “high stats” kids didn’t catch a break. Virtually every other th read is about T20 and. Their perfect high stats kids. Please just let us have one thread about average kids without someone implying their kids are more deserving, etc. some of our kids have LDs and other challenges and they have worked twice as hrs as many of these “high stays” kids. They are no less deserving of a good education.

That poster seemed to think their kid was entitled to a scholarship. Boo fricking hoo.

Thank you! SO sick of the one-upsmanship around here. OP started a thread about average kids. We don't want to hear a thing about your grinding overachievers. Stick to your own kind and stay off the threads you don't belong on.

I'm the OP and mentioned my one non-average kid to add that no one gets everything they want but you can make the best of lemons which life throws at you. Life throws some lemons at everyone. One cousin's super star medical grad dies in first year of residency. We should all be thankful for everything we got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

I feel so sorry for your children. With all of those resources, you have limited their future options to avenues to getting rich.

Even if they are incredibly talented writers or passionate about art history. Sorry, that it not the ticket they bought when they got you two as parents. Seems to me (a parent with less material wealth) that you have poor values, and will not let your children explore who they are. They doors are only open to them recreating the empires that you sought.

+1 what a sad post.

DP.. what's sad is that some of you probably come from privilege and don't understand that a lot of families don't have that privilege to let their kids follow their passion without thinking about finances.

Sure, they could be a talented writer. But how are they going to pay their bills while they are trying to write a book or whatever. We don't come from money. My parents live on social security. I can't support my adult children until they hit it big, if ever.

So, yea, they need to get a job that pays enough for them to live comfortably because I can't support them forever.

Sounds like you come from a long line of poor decision makers. Maybe you should take different advice than the masses?

I come from an immigrant family whose home land was ravaged by war. So, FU.

If your grandparents were on social security as you say, then my comment stands. You've been here 3 generations (at least), many immigrants do exceedingly well in that time. Your family did not. Perhaps it's due to poor executive functioning, i.e., telling an anonymous person "FU" gives away more than you think.

? you really need to educate yourself. Why on earth would you think it was my grandparents who immigrated here, and that I've been here for 3 generations? Wow, some seriously ignorant people on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As almost all studies have shown, it is not the school that made the kid successful..it is THE KID...my son is 4.7 W 1520 SAT..and though we can afford any school, it is very difficult to justify paying $83K when 28K to the instate flagship that has a multitude of major options, and very "smart kids"...oh..it would be unpopular with the private HS crowd whose parents parted with 100K to 500K to educate their kid when 92% of the USA pays zero..

I only come to this site for laughs..parents whom are treating where the kids goes to undergraduate school is the most monumental decision of anyone's existence, when in reality is not even in the top ten most important decision that a person will make in their lifetime

As a parent who paid 100-500k (actually more because I have several kids at a 50k school from 3yrs to 12th grade) for private education, I can tell you that you missed the boat. I didn't send my kids there to get into a college. I send them there to get an education. I agree that it's the kid that makes a success not the school. Very little that is learned in school beyond 7th grade is applicable to what they will be doing to sustain their livelihoods. I gave them a broad range of activities and experiences, let them learn how to learn, and the rest is up to them.... college or not.

Most of the really successful folks in this world don't have degrees or a piece of paper that tells them what they can do. They learn what they need along the way. Oprah, Gates, Zuckerberg, Dick Cheney, Steve Jobs, Charles Dickens, countless actors, comedians, and sports stars, the list goes on and on. If they shoot for mediocrity then yes they need the paper - doctor, dentist, scientist.

No way in heck I'm paying for an arts, literature, or philosophy degree.. if they want to do that they can start publishing immediately to get credibility. And BTW we have fully funded 529s and a HHI of 800k. Folks just need to be pragmatic about the world we live in. It's all about return on investment. My kids learned this lesson young, like 5 years old.

Wait you’re sneering at an arts or literature degree for being a waste of money but you spent 50k per year for multiple kids for private? And you think the 50k private gave them an extra special education that’s superior to a liberal arts degree? Talk about delusional

It taught them how to think outside the box. Older child is a degreeless Entrepreneur, who probably makes more than you. The 2 middle ones chose a traditional path (medicine and law), younger one is in middle school. I'm encouraging her to start her business now, so maybe you'll read about her in the paper the way you did with my older one. Seriously, they don't NEED degrees, that's delusional mediocrity talking...

But you do you!

You’re going to have to give us names or we can safely assume you’re posting from your mom’s basement.

Right....

Here let me let you publicly insult my family. We are the Trumps.

Aw feeling defensive on behalf of your non-existent family? I’m still trying to decide if you’re a basement dwelling troll or a psychotic old lady who actually believes she is a mom of well known entrepreneurs. It’s good you’re having fun though.