Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Who won’t take your abuse and manipulation. Good try.

Get a room.

Strike 2!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Weren’t you the poster who said something about everyone being the same is boring? Hypocrite. -np

Saying a book club is "boring" means someone is "judgy closed minded stupidness". I guess you missed that huge overreaction from the unhinged poster who then whined about abuse and manipulation. M'kay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good gravy with hot sauce. Some people form a group based on a common shared experience: high school, college, new moms, kids in the same preschool. These are formative and bonding times! Let's say you were going on a trip with some college girlfriends and mentioned it to a mom-friend in town. Should she expect to be invited? Nope.

Why on earth is this any different?

Exactly and those who are saying otherwise are full of it. They do not include every new friend into every social situation at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Weren’t you the poster who said something about everyone being the same is boring? Hypocrite. -np

Saying a book club is "boring" means someone is "judgy closed minded stupidness". I guess you missed that huge overreaction from the unhinged poster who then whined about abuse and manipulation. M'kay.

No, I only see your hypocrisy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.

It's not like that at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.

It's not like that at all.

It is like that! Not that op has to invite her but it is similar to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.

A book club that is been going on for many years is not a party that some would feel slighted for not being a member. I suppose now my neighbor cannot talk about her upcoming trip to me because I wasn’t invited along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.

It's not like that at all.

It is like that! Not that op has to invite her but it is similar to that.

It is not similar in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the group but I think your reasons for excluding her are lame. If you weren’t open to new members, she should not know about it. It sounds like you discussed it.

OP put her foot in her mouth and now can't think of how to fix the faux pas. Don't mention the secret groups if they are exclusive and not taking new members.

Why should it be a secret?
Neighbor - want to come over for a glass of wine on Friday?
OP - I can’t. I have book club.
Neighbor- oh really? I’ve been looking for a book club to join.
OP - ????? um ??!!

OP - If you are open to it, you could start a new, different book club with the new friend.

It's like talking about parties you know other people aren't invited to. It's weird and most people try not to do that.

It's not like that at all.

It is like that! Not that op has to invite her but it is similar to that.

A party is a party; a club is a club. Not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Who won’t take your abuse and manipulation. Good try.

Get a room.

Strike 2!

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you ever talk to your friend about the book club? My guess is you wanted to boast or show how intellectual you are or how many friends you have. I guess you can say that the group has a standing agreement not to invite new members because if everyone did, the size would grow untenable. How about you ask her to launch a new book club which you will also participate in? You can read two books a month, right?

This. If you didn't want her to join your "highly exclusive" club, you shouldn't have mentioned it. You don't sound like much of a friend.

Pretty soon her friend should know what type of a friend the OP is to her. I find this to be very sad.

This is probably why some of you don't have friends. START SLOW. OP said her book club was made up of members who had known each other for years. Her new friend is a neighbor. It takes time to become actual friends.

Calm down. Give your relationships some time. You'll slowly grow some friends.

I have friends but, how do you take it to the next level? If you never ask the answer will always be no.

Be patient. Continue doing things together. It will happen, PP -- it takes time. It's built up slowly. The OP's book club went through a life-altering experience together and it's harder when you're not going through that with others but it will happen.

Also invite some of the people you'd like to socialize more with over to your house for something.

Most of these people I have known for three years. That should be 'slow' enough. Look if you don't want to invite me don't keep telling me about how much you socialize together without me! And I have a terrible house for entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you ever talk to your friend about the book club? My guess is you wanted to boast or show how intellectual you are or how many friends you have. I guess you can say that the group has a standing agreement not to invite new members because if everyone did, the size would grow untenable. How about you ask her to launch a new book club which you will also participate in? You can read two books a month, right?

This. If you didn't want her to join your "highly exclusive" club, you shouldn't have mentioned it. You don't sound like much of a friend.

Pretty soon her friend should know what type of a friend the OP is to her. I find this to be very sad.

This is probably why some of you don't have friends. START SLOW. OP said her book club was made up of members who had known each other for years. Her new friend is a neighbor. It takes time to become actual friends.

Calm down. Give your relationships some time. You'll slowly grow some friends.

I have friends but, how do you take it to the next level? If you never ask the answer will always be no.

Be patient. Continue doing things together. It will happen, PP -- it takes time. It's built up slowly. The OP's book club went through a life-altering experience together and it's harder when you're not going through that with others but it will happen.

Also invite some of the people you'd like to socialize more with over to your house for something.

Most of these people I have known for three years. That should be 'slow' enough. Look if you don't want to invite me don't keep telling me about how much you socialize together without me! And I have a terrible house for entertaining.

I agree that is rude and weird. Start branching out. Find a new friend or acquaintance here or there. Keep trying. These people are not for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you ever talk to your friend about the book club? My guess is you wanted to boast or show how intellectual you are or how many friends you have. I guess you can say that the group has a standing agreement not to invite new members because if everyone did, the size would grow untenable. How about you ask her to launch a new book club which you will also participate in? You can read two books a month, right?

This. If you didn't want her to join your "highly exclusive" club, you shouldn't have mentioned it. You don't sound like much of a friend.

Pretty soon her friend should know what type of a friend the OP is to her. I find this to be very sad.

This is probably why some of you don't have friends. START SLOW. OP said her book club was made up of members who had known each other for years. Her new friend is a neighbor. It takes time to become actual friends.

Calm down. Give your relationships some time. You'll slowly grow some friends.

I have friends but, how do you take it to the next level? If you never ask the answer will always be no.

Be patient. Continue doing things together. It will happen, PP -- it takes time. It's built up slowly. The OP's book club went through a life-altering experience together and it's harder when you're not going through that with others but it will happen.

Also invite some of the people you'd like to socialize more with over to your house for something.

Most of these people I have known for three years. That should be 'slow' enough. Look if you don't want to invite me don't keep telling me about how much you socialize together without me! And I have a terrible house for entertaining.

This is not about you.