Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?

[Anonymous]

A friend asked to join my book club. The thing is, the women in my book club have known one another for a decade (we all had daughters in the same preschool) and have been meeting for 10 years. It's a pretty specific dynamic.

The friend who asked to join also lives in our town but doesn't know any of these women; she's my neighbor and has been looking for a club to join. She is lovely, and I want to be inclusive. I also feel like it would just change the dynamic of the book club. I'm typing this and feeling weird. I want to say yes! It's also just this certain group from a certain time period of people who know each other really well and have never had a new member for years and years. Maybe those of you in a longtime book club get it.

She just texted me asking if she could come to the next meeting. What do I say?

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask your book club friends and explain why you feel conflicted, and see what they think? If the general consensus if that they prefer not to have new numbers, maybe you and your neighbor can start a second group for the neighborhood? No rule that says you can't be in two book clubs

[Anonymous]

Generally I add a "thanks" afterwards. Should be sufficient.

[Anonymous]

PP- members not numbers, apologies!

[Anonymous]

Can you ask the ladies in the club how they’d feel about letting your friend join? I understand you have a long history as a group, but having a new member can enrich the experience for everyone (potentially). I’m sympathetic to your friend: making friends as an adult can be hard.

[Anonymous]

How do you know the other members wouldn’t welcome her? Or is it you that doesn’t want her in the club?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe ask your book club friends and explain why you feel conflicted, and see what they think? If the general consensus if that they prefer not to have new numbers, maybe you and your neighbor can start a second group for the neighborhood? No rule that says you can't be in two book clubs

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend asked to join my book club. The thing is, the women in my book club have known one another for a decade (we all had daughters in the same preschool) and have been meeting for 10 years. It's a pretty specific dynamic.

The friend who asked to join also lives in our town but doesn't know any of these women; she's my neighbor and has been looking for a club to join. She is lovely, and I want to be inclusive. I also feel like it would just change the dynamic of the book club. I'm typing this and feeling weird. I want to say yes! It's also just this certain group from a certain time period of people who know each other really well and have never had a new member for years and years. Maybe those of you in a longtime book club get it.

She just texted me asking if she could come to the next meeting. What do I say?

My impression based on your post is that you are a closed-minded person. My second thought is that you may be a snob.

I am not trying to be rude, but you remind me of cliques that format some wealthy high schools and small colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know the other members wouldn’t welcome her? Or is it you that doesn’t want her in the club?

This has come up a couple of other times over the years and the consensus has been, we all like the same kinds of books, and we've basically just kept it to us. I can certainly float it to the group. I just am afraid nobody will bite and I will hurt my neighbor's feelings.

[Anonymous]

Are you a Libra?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend asked to join my book club. The thing is, the women in my book club have known one another for a decade (we all had daughters in the same preschool) and have been meeting for 10 years. It's a pretty specific dynamic.

The friend who asked to join also lives in our town but doesn't know any of these women; she's my neighbor and has been looking for a club to join. She is lovely, and I want to be inclusive. I also feel like it would just change the dynamic of the book club. I'm typing this and feeling weird. I want to say yes! It's also just this certain group from a certain time period of people who know each other really well and have never had a new member for years and years. Maybe those of you in a longtime book club get it.

She just texted me asking if she could come to the next meeting. What do I say?

My impression based on your post is that you are a closed-minded person. My second thought is that you may be a snob.

I am not trying to be rude, but you remind me of cliques that format some wealthy high schools and small colleges.

No! Not at all! And we actually read trashy chick-lit and pretty light novels! I DON'T want to be cliquey.

[Anonymous]

Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

[Anonymous]

You say yes. Don't be a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Why did you ever talk to your friend about the book club? My guess is you wanted to boast or show how intellectual you are or how many friends you have. I guess you can say that the group has a standing agreement not to invite new members because if everyone did, the size would grow untenable. How about you ask her to launch a new book club which you will also participate in? You can read two books a month, right?