Friend asked to join book club - how to politely say no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask the ladies in the club how they’d feel about letting your friend join? I understand you have a long history as a group, but having a new member can enrich the experience for everyone (potentially). I’m sympathetic to your friend: making friends as an adult can be hard.

Agreed. If she is a nice person, discuss it openly.

Most people like meeting new, nice people.

Don't just decide no (and therefore hurt someone's feelings), without getting a feel from the group.

(If they do vote no, tell that to your friend. So she knows you tried and does not take it personally--they won't have even met her).

There is no downside to this solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask the ladies in the club how they’d feel about letting your friend join? I understand you have a long history as a group, but having a new member can enrich the experience for everyone (potentially). I’m sympathetic to your friend: making friends as an adult can be hard.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

Why the quotes? They are friends at the level they are at. Why do so many posters demand total devotion from a new friend, or they don't deserve the title "friend"? They're NEW friends.

+1. No one includes every friend into every aspect of their life nor should they.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

Why the quotes? They are friends at the level they are at. Why do so many posters demand total devotion from a new friend, or they don't deserve the title "friend"? They're NEW friends.

+1. No one includes every friend into every aspect of their life nor should they.

So don't be weird and tell them about your book club, because they might ask to join, and then you're in a pickle.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, the book club is too big / isn't open to new members right now. I'll let you know if anyone drops out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you ask the ladies in the club how they’d feel about letting your friend join? I understand you have a long history as a group, but having a new member can enrich the experience for everyone (potentially). I’m sympathetic to your friend: making friends as an adult can be hard.

this

Forcing a friendship that’s not at that level is not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Who won’t take your abuse and manipulation. Good try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Who won’t take your abuse and manipulation. Good try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you ever talk to your friend about the book club? My guess is you wanted to boast or show how intellectual you are or how many friends you have. I guess you can say that the group has a standing agreement not to invite new members because if everyone did, the size would grow untenable. How about you ask her to launch a new book club which you will also participate in? You can read two books a month, right?

This. If you didn't want her to join your "highly exclusive" club, you shouldn't have mentioned it. You don't sound like much of a friend.

Pretty soon her friend should know what type of a friend the OP is to her. I find this to be very sad.

This is probably why some of you don't have friends. START SLOW. OP said her book club was made up of members who had known each other for years. Her new friend is a neighbor. It takes time to become actual friends.

Calm down. Give your relationships some time. You'll slowly grow some friends.

I have friends but, how do you take it to the next level? If you never ask the answer will always be no.

Be patient. Continue doing things together. It will happen, PP -- it takes time. It's built up slowly. The OP's book club went through a life-altering experience together and it's harder when you're not going through that with others but it will happen.

Also invite some of the people you'd like to socialize more with over to your house for something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Weren’t you the poster who said something about everyone being the same is boring? Hypocrite. -np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Who won’t take your abuse and manipulation. Good try.

I can make faces too! :

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Who won’t take your abuse and manipulation. Good try.

Get a room.

[Anonymous]

Good gravy with hot sauce. Some people form a group based on a common shared experience: high school, college, new moms, kids in the same preschool. These are formative and bonding times! Let's say you were going on a trip with some college girlfriends and mentioned it to a mom-friend in town. Should she expect to be invited? Nope.

Why on earth is this any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at the idea of having an exclusive book club.

Right? The same people with the same opinions all the time. What a boring book club.

You are free to start your own. Are you being tied down?

Of course not and I'd do a fade on this "friend" too because she doesn't sound like much of one. Especially if she gave a dick response like yours.

You would need to do a immature “fade.” I would cut you off easily for your judgy, closed-minded stupidness.

Bullet dodged.

Yeah, go find some other victim you want to try to manipulate and abuse.

You are..... an odd duck.

Weren’t you the poster who said something about everyone being the same is boring? Hypocrite. -np

How can you keep track?