How can we better navigate this beach house dynamic?
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Anonymous
| Simple fix, don’t go and tell them why, if they get bent out of shape, that’s on them. |
Anonymous
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We have similar dynamic but it's just my kids that spend time with ILs at the beach annually. They are older now and have cut back to 4 days. I don't blame them and I'm not even there!
Love my ILs but the dynamics/personalities can be bit much - small doses are fine. |
Anonymous
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Honestly it sounds like you are navigating it as well as possible. You are compromising, you are setting boundaries around your non-negotiables . . . I think it's just exhausting because it doesn't feel like the in-laws are meeting you half-way. I imagine that they don't have much capability to see your perspective or shift theirs, though. So all you can really do is set firmer boundaries and then pay as little attention as possible to their complaints about it. Also, I agree that you don't have to go every single year.
If the kids are picking up that these grandparents are rigid and demanding, well, that's the truth, right? I don't think you need to block for them in this regard. My kids have started commenting on my MIL's flightiness and inability to make good decisions, and I'm glad they can see it because it means they can protect themselves from the consequences of her issues. I wish I could be like, hey MIL, don't be flighty and make good decisions, mmmmkay? But no conversation is going to make her change. All I can do is set boundaries based on our reality. I'd let my spouse lead when it comes to setting up expectations and boundaries. If he's near his breaking point, then maybe he needs to decide to skip a year. Would he consider therapy? I'm sure he could use someone to vent to and some strategies for how to deal with them. For their part, it sounds like some anxiety (the beach will fill up!) and some grief over life with adult children not being what they imagined. If they refuse to deal with those issues, you don't need to absorb them. That's a natural consequence of treating people that way. |
Anonymous
| It's clear that you don't like your in-laws, so just don't go, or go for the weekend. Why would you do this to yourselves? |
Anonymous
| Do you work? How on earth do you have the time to write this post. Do you really need advice? Pretty simple (a) be direct with in-laws and they can either adapt or meet you in the middle or (b) you stop going. Duh. |
Anonymous
NP. Do you have a life? Why on earth do you have the time and energy to reply to a super-old, pages-long thread (OP hasn’t been back for like a week and has already said what she’s going to do.) Are you delusional? Because you seem not to have noticed that people have already made these suggestions. Maybe take a walk? Get well soon. |
Anonymous
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I can relate a little OP, after just coming back from a big family trip. Here is the thing: WHY do you do this every year???? These trips are important, but they shouldn't be annual.
We will do this again in 3-4 years, but not every year. |
Anonymous
I will posit another solution- just don’t let their comments get on your nerves as much. Let the comments roll like water off a duck’s back- a lot of their comments are pretty innocuous, though mildly irritating. Ponder if you may be looking for reason to take offense. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like you and your in laws are very rigid and expect to set the terms for everything. |
Anonymous
| I lost it at the centuries old pits and pans and flimsy can openers. You are funny, op! |