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[quote=Anonymous]Honestly it sounds like you are navigating it as well as possible. You are compromising, you are setting boundaries around your non-negotiables . . . I think it's just exhausting because it doesn't feel like the in-laws are meeting you half-way. I imagine that they don't have much capability to see your perspective or shift theirs, though. So all you can really do is set firmer boundaries and then pay as little attention as possible to their complaints about it. Also, I agree that you don't have to go every single year.

If the kids are picking up that these grandparents are rigid and demanding, well, that's the truth, right? I don't think you need to block for them in this regard. My kids have started commenting on my MIL's flightiness and inability to make good decisions, and I'm glad they can see it because it means they can protect themselves from the consequences of her issues. I wish I could be like, hey MIL, don't be flighty and make good decisions, mmmmkay? But no conversation is going to make her change. All I can do is set boundaries based on our reality.

I'd let my spouse lead when it comes to setting up expectations and boundaries. If he's near his breaking point, then maybe he needs to decide to skip a year. Would he consider therapy? I'm sure he could use someone to vent to and some strategies for how to deal with them. For their part, it sounds like some anxiety (the beach will fill up!) and some grief over life with adult children not being what they imagined. If they refuse to deal with those issues, you don't need to absorb them. That's a natural consequence of treating people that way.[/quote]

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