Parents please believe your child’s teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen teachers let kids bully.

Kids are bullies because their parents raised them that way. Your kid being a menace is not the fault of a teacher that's known them for 3 months. Also, you must be oblivious but telling a kid to "stop being mean" doesn't work! Neither does contacting parents or asking them to apologize. So what would you suggest the next step be?

FYI: We can NOT suspend kids in DCPS

it's amazing that you don't realize that there are actually evidence-based behavioral approaches to address aggression. THIS is why parents have to go whole-hog and hire lawyers and consultants and get in-class evaluations. because schools basically sit there like "durrrrr, your kid is bad!"

I posted above about separating kids. I wonder if this kind of response is what makes teachers feel overwhelmed and undervalued. Saying that there are evidence based behavioral approaches to reduce aggressive behavior sounds like you are talking down to the teacher, there is a lot of work that the teacher needs to do to address this child’s aggression, and finally, the teacher is somehow responsible for helping children manage their emotions.

No wonder teachers feel that they don’t have enough resources to do this and push it back onto parents.

If teachers don’t know evidence-based approaches to reduce violence and the like, they deserve to be talked down to. And we are absolutely responsible for helping kids learn to manage their emotions.

- teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, severe constipation can look like autism to an untrained eye. Lack of vision correction can present itself as a student with learning difficulties. Teacher – stay in your lane.

Signed, another teacher who is also a parent.

OP here - also a parent. I’m surprised that another teacher would tell me to stay in my lane. You know that part of our job IS to work with parents to address learning and social issues that are presenting problems in the classroom. That is my lane. I am not the authority on anyone’s child. But I have valuable experience and insight to share.l and I want to work WITH you on behalf of your child. Are there truly parents who would prefer the teacher not share concerns? That’s…sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

I have news for you. There is not that much a parent can do at home for behavioral issues at school. The school has to take the lead, including with an IEP or BIP as appropriate. The reason parents don’t listen to teachers is that teachers almost always present information as if they are complaining about kids.

Seriously ^^^ this.

You are a teacher, you should know how to deal with “bullying” and behavior issues.

OP here. Wow. So, as a parent, you would have zero interest in helping your child who was either bullying or being bullied? You truly believe a parent can do nothing to support pro-social behavior at school? We have a much bigger problem then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

If a child is hurting other children at school, the school needs a way to keep kids safe even if the parents won’t listen. It should surprise no one that a child who is super dysregulated in the classroom might have parents who are resistant to hearing about it.

But OP (are you OP) was not just talking about a situation with bullying behaviors. She literally said “maybe your kid needs to learn not to be a victim”! She’s arguing that she is the final authority on all kids.

You are not correct. I, OP, am certain that I am NOT the final authority on all kids (what a silly leap that is). There are kids who need to learn to stand up for themselves so they will not continue to be victimized in life. It is in no way their fault. But if they can let bullies know that they’re barking up the wrong tree they can save themselves a lot of heartache.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

Of course! But if you already know these things please talk with the teacher about it to problem solve. You can be on the same team, pulling together to support your child.

Happily, but it’s hard to be on the same team if the teacher is approaching it from OP’s perspective. It’s an attitude that will put people in the defensive immediately and actually demonstrates a lot of arrogance. Do you really think a teacher who has spent a few months in a classroom environment with a kid is going to know MORE than the child’s parent? Come on.

I mean, they know more about the child in the school environment than the parents do. YOU “come on.” Good thing my older sister’s teacher spoke up to say she was very withdrawn and checked-out at school after skipping a grade, even though at home she was the oldest/bossy/controlling/always getting her way and very outspoken. When my parents realized that skipping a grade had such a big impact on her socially and academically, they worked with her teacher on strategies to make the adjustment period easier. -NP

Sounds like the teacher in this case approached the parents as authorities on their own kid and your parents respond using all the information at their disposal, including what the teacher shared.

No one said teachers don’t have important insight. OP is positioning herself as the ultimate arbiter of a child’s situation, when she just has a piece of the puzzle. And your story also illustrates something important for teachers to remember— parents are the ones who are going to be dealing with any issues long term. A teacher gets nine months of classroom time. So the teacher’s input, while valuable, is just part of a much larger picture. I’ve had teachers in subsequent years who had very different takes on how best to address issues with my kid (who is not remotely shy generally but has serious social anxiety in school settings only). It’s not that one teacher was wrong and the other right. It’s that they each got a snapshot and offered their best insight on that glimpse of my kid. I’m not going to dismiss it but I’m not always going to do exactly what they say because I’m also incorporating info from other teachers, specialists, and my own observation.

You are all so defensive and “whataboutist” with your responses. There is nothing wrong with what OP originally stated. And then you all pile on and make it into something it wasn’t and make obvious points that don’t need to be overtly stated. Like, duh of course teachers need to listen to parent perspectives, too, and lead with positives where possible, etc. I stand by what I said: there is nothing wrong with that OP posted. Some of you are knee-jerk negative any time a teacher expresses anything on here, honestly.

Thank you! -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

x100000

Parent of older kid here. Should have listened way back when, and it would have helped a LOT. Don't think you know everything when you should be appreciating your child's teacher's help, instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

This is what I see most often. Too often, classrooms/schools are not set up to be developmentally appropriate and teachers notice "challenging behaviors" that would not exist if kids had adequate outdoor time, movement time, social-emotional learning, etc. Teachers, who spend a few hours a day for 180 days with a child in a group setting, should consider their own practices first before blaming parents or jumping to some diagnosis they aren't qualified to make.


--Former teacher & teacher educator

Holy cow! OP didn’t say they were diagnosing children or that schools are perfectly developmentally appropriate. OP wants to partner with parents to support students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents, if your child’s teacher suggests that there is an issue with your child’s behavior or academic progress, please know that their only agenda is to help your child thrive and grow. Your child’s teacher has probably worked with hundreds of students at the same developmental phase and knows when something is unusual. I understand that it can be painful and scary to hear, but denial does not help your child. The longer you wait to get them help the more they will struggle. This also applies when the teacher tells you your child is not kind to others. The teacher is definitely working to support their social development in the classroom, but your denial makes it nearly impossible for them to progress (after all, their behavior usually communicates what THEY experience at home usually). Your mean kid is not “a leader of the pack” they’re a bully. And your child on the spectrum is not only “a loner genius”, they’re autistic. And your child who is getting picked on is not always “an innocent victim” they usually need to learn how to NOT be a victim. The teacher’s agenda is usually the same as yours-the well-being and growth of your child. But please trust their experience.

I haven’t read through all the comments, but OP you sound like a wonderful teacher. I would love for my kid to have an educator like you who is not afraid to have hard conversations in order to help their students.

Except she said victims had to change so they weren't bullied. Well if they could do that, they would!!! So even though OP makes some good points, I reject their statement based on this incredibly insensitive, ignorant and damaging belief. OP deserves to be excoriated and does not belong in the classroom or anywhere near children if they think victims are at fault.

OP here. Of COURSE victims of bullying are not at fault. But they don’t have to remain victims. This thread has truly jumped the shark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

This is what I see most often. Too often, classrooms/schools are not set up to be developmentally appropriate and teachers notice "challenging behaviors" that would not exist if kids had adequate outdoor time, movement time, social-emotional learning, etc. Teachers, who spend a few hours a day for 180 days with a child in a group setting, should consider their own practices first before blaming parents or jumping to some diagnosis they aren't qualified to make.


--Former teacher & teacher educator

Holy cow! OP didn’t say they were diagnosing children or that schools are perfectly developmentally appropriate. OP wants to partner with parents to support students.

+1
This thread has really lost focus. To the teacher educator above: I hope you don’t jump to such conclusions at your job. I’m a 20-year teacher who formally mentors new colleagues. I would certainly tell these teachers to consider their own practices, but I would only do so after fully understanding their perspective or situation. I don’t think the OP got that respect. She just wanted a better partnership with parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

You paid a person to tell you your kid was perfect and it was all the teacher at fault? Got it.

No I paid a person to tell me my child was dyslexic.

When she observed the classroom she made suggestions to the teacher (and principal). The design of the desks, the order of the classes, the use of the board vs lecture, etc.

The teacher wasn’t as defensive as you she used all the suggestions to make her classroom a better environment for learning.

But you fo demonstrate his the teacher can be the problem and simple suggestions to improve are net with hostility.

This is hilarious. So many of those things are out if a teacher’s control. You think a teacher gets to unilaterally pick what order to teach classes. It has to be coordinated with specialists and the school. If the entire school teaches math before recess your observer’s recommendation that the teacher teaches reading first is laughable. The design of of the desks? Often times the leadership is dictating how they want desks arranged. If a teacher want to use rows of desks that wouldn’t be allowed at some schools. The teacher probably was relieved when your child left the class at the end of the year.

Teachers have autonomy to put desks the way they want. That’s not from leadership.

Lol! You've never met my administrator. We have pretty much zero autonomy. She comes around and if all of the teachers in kindergarten are not on the same exact lesson, she calls a meeting about it. If we don't "refresh our bulletin boards by the first of the month, we get marked down for professional expectations. She marked me down on an observation this year because she thought the way I handed out materials was ineffective. She said having students hand out materials was too slow and interrupted the flow of the lesson. She is well known for coming back into your classroom the very next day after an observation to make sure you've implemented the changes she marked you down for. Ugh. Her middle name is micromanage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

You paid a person to tell you your kid was perfect and it was all the teacher at fault? Got it.

No I paid a person to tell me my child was dyslexic.

When she observed the classroom she made suggestions to the teacher (and principal). The design of the desks, the order of the classes, the use of the board vs lecture, etc.

The teacher wasn’t as defensive as you she used all the suggestions to make her classroom a better environment for learning.

But you fo demonstrate his the teacher can be the problem and simple suggestions to improve are net with hostility.

This is hilarious. So many of those things are out if a teacher’s control. You think a teacher gets to unilaterally pick what order to teach classes. It has to be coordinated with specialists and the school. If the entire school teaches math before recess your observer’s recommendation that the teacher teaches reading first is laughable. The design of of the desks? Often times the leadership is dictating how they want desks arranged. If a teacher want to use rows of desks that wouldn’t be allowed at some schools. The teacher probably was relieved when your child left the class at the end of the year.

Teachers have autonomy to put desks the way they want. That’s not from leadership.

Lol! You've never met my administrator. We have pretty much zero autonomy. She comes around and if all of the teachers in kindergarten are not on the same exact lesson, she calls a meeting about it. If we don't "refresh our bulletin boards by the first of the month, we get marked down for professional expectations. She marked me down on an observation this year because she thought the way I handed out materials was ineffective. She said having students hand out materials was too slow and interrupted the flow of the lesson. She is well known for coming back into your classroom the very next day after an observation to make sure you've implemented the changes she marked you down for. Ugh. Her middle name is micromanage.

I’ve had administrators tell me how I have to arrange my classroom. I’ve also had years when I float into other teachers’ rooms. I can’t rearrange their classrooms daily and administration would not support me doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

What an absolutely predictable response. Thank for being Exhibit A for OP’s point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teachers need to understand that often parents already know these things and instead of approaching us as “generic parent in denial” consider that it MIGHT be possible we know our kids better than you do.

You know your kids at home, we know your kids at school.

Do you job at school. Do you need us to sit in the classroom and help you.

No duh kids have suicidal, academic and behavior issues. They are works in progress. It’s more normal to have issues than to not have issues.

“No duh?” Are you 13?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child was having issues so we had an evaluator sit in the classroom.

They evaluator had a list of 5 things for the teacher (not the child, not the parent) to change.

You paid a person to tell you your kid was perfect and it was all the teacher at fault? Got it.

And then made a smug post crowing about it. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing teachers should be aware of is that many parents have experience with bad teachers (either with respect to their kids or when they were in school themselves) who you know very well exist. You might have the child’s best interests at heart but not every teacher does.

So instead of getting mad when a parent does not immediately defer to your opinion or knowledge, you may want to think about how you can share this info in a way that builds trust. Expecting parents to always assume good faith is unrealistic— not all teachers act in good faith.

I agree. But we have parents who have been told the same thing by multiple teachers and sometimes multiple schools. At some point, it isn’t the teachers or the peers.

Then you should take from that that this child is not being properly supported by their parents, which of course happens. Just as there are bad teachers, there are also bad parents. Such is life. But all the more reason to approach these situations with openness and trust building as the goal. It’s the only way to actually help the kids, which is what we want, right?

I mean that’s fine and all but this particular kid is a bully and is hitting children. But I guess we should just write it off as a bad parent and continue to try to build trust with this person with openness. Meanwhile, we have other parents demanding something be done about the bully etc etc. When some parents don’t listen there is a massive domino effect that can have effects on your own child too.

I have news for you. There is not that much a parent can do at home for behavioral issues at school. The school has to take the lead, including with an IEP or BIP as appropriate. The reason parents don’t listen to teachers is that teachers almost always present information as if they are complaining about kids.

I have news for you. Parenting is awesome. You should try it sometime.