No Sleepover Rule?

[Anonymous]

I'm always so shocked when I see these types of posts because I have 4 kids who all have a wide range of friends from different cultures, religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses and they've never had a friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over.

DCUM makes it seem like No Sleepovers is a big thing now and the norm but I've not found that to be true. At least where I live in Loudoun.

I only have 2 kids at home now, but we probably still have a kid sleeping over or one of them gone to a sleepover at least twice a month or more. During the summer it is definitely more often!

For those with the no sleepovers rule, does that apply to sports overnights? I've always wondered about that.

For example, my son plays travel soccer. The kids usually sleep 4 to a room in 2 queen beds for tournaments. Would you allow this? Because again, DCUM makes it seem so common that no one is doing sleepovers, but during all my years of kids in travel sports, I can't recall an instance where a kid wasn't allowed to room with teammates.

[Anonymous]

^In my situation, the rule doesn’t apply to things like overnight trips (sleeping somewhere with a purpose), just sleepovers at friend’s houses. The rule is really a compromise; my spouse is the strict one. It has nothing to do with social engineering, just my spouse’s own comfort level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm always so shocked when I see these types of posts because I have 4 kids who all have a wide range of friends from different cultures, religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses and they've never had a friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over.

DCUM makes it seem like No Sleepovers is a big thing now and the norm but I've not found that to be true. At least where I live in Loudoun.

I only have 2 kids at home now, but we probably still have a kid sleeping over or one of them gone to a sleepover at least twice a month or more. During the summer it is definitely more often!

For those with the no sleepovers rule, does that apply to sports overnights? I've always wondered about that.

For example, my son plays travel soccer. The kids usually sleep 4 to a room in 2 queen beds for tournaments. Would you allow this? Because again, DCUM makes it seem so common that no one is doing sleepovers, but during all my years of kids in travel sports, I can't recall an instance where a kid wasn't allowed to room with teammates.

DD hasn't had to do that yet, but no. She'll be going to a 2 week camp this summer, and will be bunking with other girls. I will be there as well as chaperone (to a bunch of kids), and will hopefully have my own room. SLEEPING in the same room with a bunch of friends after an activity filled day, is not a problem. Sending them to the house of people who may or may not supervise, where kids might have access to alcohol, meds, unsecured guns, and there may be others in the house that are not kid safe, that is the problem.

It is probably a very small fraction of time where something life altering like molestation happens, but it's a preventable problem, so the risk does not seem worth whatever reward there might be. DD is a homebody, so it's not really an issue for us at all. She turns down sleepovers; she is happy to stay up late with friends, but wants to sleep in her own bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^In my situation, the rule doesn’t apply to things like overnight trips (sleeping somewhere with a purpose), just sleepovers at friend’s houses. The rule is really a compromise; my spouse is the strict one. It has nothing to do with social engineering, just my spouse’s own comfort level.

And sometimes, these things stem from our own experiences, or those of people that are close to them. DH is the stricter one of the two of us. Two of his sisters were inappropriately touched during sleepover situations, one by the older brother of her friend, another by a visiting cousin or some other relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always so shocked when I see these types of posts because I have 4 kids who all have a wide range of friends from different cultures, religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses and they've never had a friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over.

DCUM makes it seem like No Sleepovers is a big thing now and the norm but I've not found that to be true. At least where I live in Loudoun.

I only have 2 kids at home now, but we probably still have a kid sleeping over or one of them gone to a sleepover at least twice a month or more. During the summer it is definitely more often!

For those with the no sleepovers rule, does that apply to sports overnights? I've always wondered about that.

For example, my son plays travel soccer. The kids usually sleep 4 to a room in 2 queen beds for tournaments. Would you allow this? Because again, DCUM makes it seem so common that no one is doing sleepovers, but during all my years of kids in travel sports, I can't recall an instance where a kid wasn't allowed to room with teammates.

DD hasn't had to do that yet, but no. She'll be going to a 2 week camp this summer, and will be bunking with other girls. I will be there as well as chaperone (to a bunch of kids), and will hopefully have my own room. SLEEPING in the same room with a bunch of friends after an activity filled day, is not a problem. Sending them to the house of people who may or may not supervise, where kids might have access to alcohol, meds, unsecured guns, and there may be others in the house that are not kid safe, that is the problem.

It is probably a very small fraction of time where something life altering like molestation happens, but it's a preventable problem, so the risk does not seem worth whatever reward there might be. DD is a homebody, so it's not really an issue for us at all. She turns down sleepovers; she is happy to stay up late with friends, but wants to sleep in her own bed.

I would too if I had a mom that raised me on fear. Geez - she is a homebody because of YOU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always so shocked when I see these types of posts because I have 4 kids who all have a wide range of friends from different cultures, religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses and they've never had a friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over.

DCUM makes it seem like No Sleepovers is a big thing now and the norm but I've not found that to be true. At least where I live in Loudoun.

I only have 2 kids at home now, but we probably still have a kid sleeping over or one of them gone to a sleepover at least twice a month or more. During the summer it is definitely more often!

For those with the no sleepovers rule, does that apply to sports overnights? I've always wondered about that.

For example, my son plays travel soccer. The kids usually sleep 4 to a room in 2 queen beds for tournaments. Would you allow this? Because again, DCUM makes it seem so common that no one is doing sleepovers, but during all my years of kids in travel sports, I can't recall an instance where a kid wasn't allowed to room with teammates.

DD hasn't had to do that yet, but no. She'll be going to a 2 week camp this summer, and will be bunking with other girls. I will be there as well as chaperone (to a bunch of kids), and will hopefully have my own room. SLEEPING in the same room with a bunch of friends after an activity filled day, is not a problem. Sending them to the house of people who may or may not supervise, where kids might have access to alcohol, meds, unsecured guns, and there may be others in the house that are not kid safe, that is the problem.

It is probably a very small fraction of time where something life altering like molestation happens, but it's a preventable problem, so the risk does not seem worth whatever reward there might be. DD is a homebody, so it's not really an issue for us at all. She turns down sleepovers; she is happy to stay up late with friends, but wants to sleep in her own bed.

Yes, sleeping at a hotel is so much safer than sleeping at a friend's house.

Sweetie, you need therapy. Your poor daughter probably has so much pent-up stress and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always so shocked when I see these types of posts because I have 4 kids who all have a wide range of friends from different cultures, religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses and they've never had a friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over.

DCUM makes it seem like No Sleepovers is a big thing now and the norm but I've not found that to be true. At least where I live in Loudoun.

I only have 2 kids at home now, but we probably still have a kid sleeping over or one of them gone to a sleepover at least twice a month or more. During the summer it is definitely more often!

For those with the no sleepovers rule, does that apply to sports overnights? I've always wondered about that.

For example, my son plays travel soccer. The kids usually sleep 4 to a room in 2 queen beds for tournaments. Would you allow this? Because again, DCUM makes it seem so common that no one is doing sleepovers, but during all my years of kids in travel sports, I can't recall an instance where a kid wasn't allowed to room with teammates.

DD hasn't had to do that yet, but no. She'll be going to a 2 week camp this summer, and will be bunking with other girls. I will be there as well as chaperone (to a bunch of kids), and will hopefully have my own room. SLEEPING in the same room with a bunch of friends after an activity filled day, is not a problem. Sending them to the house of people who may or may not supervise, where kids might have access to alcohol, meds, unsecured guns, and there may be others in the house that are not kid safe, that is the problem.

It is probably a very small fraction of time where something life altering like molestation happens, but it's a preventable problem, so the risk does not seem worth whatever reward there might be. DD is a homebody, so it's not really an issue for us at all. She turns down sleepovers; she is happy to stay up late with friends, but wants to sleep in her own bed.

I would too if I had a mom that raised me on fear. Geez - she is a homebody because of YOU

I'm not the one that has a problem with it, my DH is. I'm the one that posted above about his sisters being touched inappropriately in sleepover situations.

And neither of us is a homebody. She generally wants to be home (and home could be our home, relatives' home, whatever). It's a little maddening, because I'd be like let's go out, do XYZ and all these other things, and she wants to do X and then go home.

[Anonymous]

This thread has been fascinating to me. We're not super into sleepovers, but my kids both attend and host, and they've been fine.

We've encountered zero angst or turned down invites from other families. But they've never asked about guns either, so maybe we're all doing it wrong.

[Anonymous]

We don’t do sleepovers. I don’t owe anyone an explanation as to why. My kids are welcome to attend until 11pm and then they come home to sleep in their own beds. We don’t fill them with fear or paranoia, that is simply our rule and they are all happy, social, well-liked kids. I simply don’t want to deal with sleep deprivation, sickness or even the remote possibility of inappropriate sexual contact—which I know plenty of individuals who have been inappropriately touched. To me the risk isn’t worth it.

[Anonymous]

Why does this have to be an all or nothing issue? DH and I are not big on sleepovers but are not fully against it. There are 2-3 families with whom we would let our kids spend the night and who have similar parenting philosophies. But we are not saying no across the board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always so shocked when I see these types of posts because I have 4 kids who all have a wide range of friends from different cultures, religions, races, and socioeconomic statuses and they've never had a friend who wasn't allowed to sleep over.

DCUM makes it seem like No Sleepovers is a big thing now and the norm but I've not found that to be true. At least where I live in Loudoun.

I only have 2 kids at home now, but we probably still have a kid sleeping over or one of them gone to a sleepover at least twice a month or more. During the summer it is definitely more often!

For those with the no sleepovers rule, does that apply to sports overnights? I've always wondered about that.

For example, my son plays travel soccer. The kids usually sleep 4 to a room in 2 queen beds for tournaments. Would you allow this? Because again, DCUM makes it seem so common that no one is doing sleepovers, but during all my years of kids in travel sports, I can't recall an instance where a kid wasn't allowed to room with teammates.

DD hasn't had to do that yet, but no. She'll be going to a 2 week camp this summer, and will be bunking with other girls. I will be there as well as chaperone (to a bunch of kids), and will hopefully have my own room. SLEEPING in the same room with a bunch of friends after an activity filled day, is not a problem. Sending them to the house of people who may or may not supervise, where kids might have access to alcohol, meds, unsecured guns, and there may be others in the house that are not kid safe, that is the problem.

It is probably a very small fraction of time where something life altering like molestation happens, but it's a preventable problem, so the risk does not seem worth whatever reward there might be. DD is a homebody, so it's not really an issue for us at all. She turns down sleepovers; she is happy to stay up late with friends, but wants to sleep in her own bed.

This, however we aren't going into people's home except when absolutely necessary due to covid so no sleep overs as the risk of covid is a big issue for us.

For sports, we do one camp over the summer and in past years, child was too young to sleep over and when child was old enough, they canceled overnight due to covid so we got a hotel room. This year, we gave child an option but child prefers to be in the hotel with us.

Not all kids care about sleep overs. Ours has said even why sleep over at grandmas when they prefer their bed.

[Anonymous]

I know three people in two separate incidents who were molested by coaches while travelling for sports. Just fyi for those of you who think thats safer....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I had no idea people were so anti sleepover! I have so many amazing memories and I was thinking the other day I’m excited for when my daughter is old enough and we can host sleepovers.

Most moms helicopter, social engineer, and snowplow - and rationalize it as good parenting. They will find one bad story of the millions of fun sleepovers to justify their fixation of controlling their kids like puppets. Don’t be one of them. Still be excited for sleepovers. I love hosting them.

It’s definitely the area. I think the social engineering is the worst. So toxic

Hosting sleep overs all the time is a prime example of social engineering. What better bonding than staying up all night acting dumb than a sleepover at the “fun popular house” with the “cool mom”?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I had no idea people were so anti sleepover! I have so many amazing memories and I was thinking the other day I’m excited for when my daughter is old enough and we can host sleepovers.

Most moms helicopter, social engineer, and snowplow - and rationalize it as good parenting. They will find one bad story of the millions of fun sleepovers to justify their fixation of controlling their kids like puppets. Don’t be one of them. Still be excited for sleepovers. I love hosting them.

It’s definitely the area. I think the social engineering is the worst. So toxic

Hosting sleep overs all the time is a prime example of social engineering. What better bonding than staying up all night acting dumb than a sleepover at the “fun popular house” with the “cool mom”?!?

Having sleepovers doesn't mean it is the cool house and if the kid can invite whoever they want, can you explain how that is social engineering?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids haven't asked to attend sleepovers since elementary school. I didn't know they were still a thing.

Yeah, we have several kids and sleepovers aren’t much of a thing anymore. They’re not extinct, but they’re going the way of the dodo, like begging your parents to drop groups of friends off at the movie theater or the mall (which were the primary three activities of my 80s childhood).