People keep spelling and pronouncing my name wrong

[Anonymous]

I have a common name that people often get wrong, just like yours. An e at the end, or doubling letters in the middle of the name. I couldn’t care less. People tend to use the variation that they are most familiar with, and that isn’t always the correct one. I’m pretty sensitive about perceived slights, and this doesn’t even make my radar.

[Anonymous]

OP - is it mostly men who are doing this to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not difficult. It's a boring American name like Jane or Emily or Mary, but one that has an alternative spelling (I use the traditional one).

But fully half of the emails I get, both personal and work-related, begin with something like "Hi Mari," and it's driving me crazy. My first name with the correct spelling is in both email addresses, so for people to do this for years on end seems...passive-aggressive? I've been struggling for a long time with feeling invisible and suicidal thoughts and just being a woman in my 40's, and this just adds to the depression, like people can't even be bothered to call me by the right name. They create their own nicknames, too, e.g., if you randomly decided to call your friend Catherine Cathy or Cat, even though Catherine has never gone by anything but.

Please tell me I'm overreacting. Because today it's made me feel so unimportant and unseen.

I’m sorry this keeps happening to you. It’s careless and kind of rude. I’m concerned about you having suicidal thoughts. My suggestion is to continue to seek out time with close people. I find when I’m making time for people who fill my bucket, those that don’t, don’t bother me as much. I hope this makes sense. You are made in the image of God and very loved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People call me by my last name all the time since it's a common first name. For example, Jeff George or Peter Martin.

When they call me by my last name, I respond by calling them by their last name. It usually gets a chuckle and brings attention to the matter in a lighthearted way if you want to avoid direct confrontation.

Hah I am going to try this! I also have last name that doubles as a first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a double name and people at my job that I have had for almost a year just call me by my first name. I sign everything with the double name. My legal name is just the first name so I go by the first and middle. Official email address is first name, middle initial, last name. No one can seem to get it, and even people who used to call me both names have changed to the first. I have given up. People are a mess after this pandemic and they are just in survival mode. It's not about me (or you). Hope that helps!

In your case, I think you need to change your email at work. You just go by a double name. Double barrel names actually are legally the first name "Molly Anne" and then they have a separate middle name "Molly Anne Sarah Smith".

I work with someone who has a name like yours and she has it in her signature what she wants to be called.

I have it in my signature. It is pretty common to have first and middle legally and go by both, especially if you are from the South.

I hear what you're saying but a lot of workplaces only use the legal first name. I had friends who fixed this when they changed their maiden names to their married last names because it was confusing. Mary Katherine Smith became first name: "Mary Katherine" middle name: Smith and then last name: Jones.

We named my dd and then everyone has called her by her first and middle name her whole life. It's cute and I wish I had legally given her a double barreled name. She gets tired of correcting people.

Unfortunately I think having two first names is sort of low class, so I will stick with it as is and deal.

Low class? Like Jimmy Rae? Or Jean-Paul?

[Anonymous]

I really don’t think people are intentionally cruel this way. Two of my best friends have kids named Aidan/Aiden for the life of me I cannot remember which one spells it which way and I love them dearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t think people are intentionally cruel this way. Two of my best friends have kids named Aidan/Aiden for the life of me I cannot remember which one spells it which way and I love them dearly.

Is there a nemonic device you can use to help remember? Aidan with an A likes apples? Or Aiden with an E is allergic to eggs?

Or Aiden with an A is older than Aiden and A is first in the alphabet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not difficult. It's a boring American name like Jane or Emily or Mary, but one that has an alternative spelling (I use the traditional one).

But fully half of the emails I get, both personal and work-related, begin with something like "Hi Mari," and it's driving me crazy. My first name with the correct spelling is in both email addresses, so for people to do this for years on end seems...passive-aggressive? I've been struggling for a long time with feeling invisible and suicidal thoughts and just being a woman in my 40's, and this just adds to the depression, like people can't even be bothered to call me by the right name. They create their own nicknames, too, e.g., if you randomly decided to call your friend Catherine Cathy or Cat, even though Catherine has never gone by anything but.

Please tell me I'm overreacting. Because today it's made me feel so unimportant and unseen.

A nickname is a sign of intimacy (if it isn't a cruel one). You may not like it, and can tell your friends so, but it means that you are seen, not invisible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - is it mostly men who are doing this to you?

All men, but I work with mostly men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People call me by my last name all the time since it's a common first name. For example, Jeff George or Peter Martin.

When they call me by my last name, I respond by calling them by their last name. It usually gets a chuckle and brings attention to the matter in a lighthearted way if you want to avoid direct confrontation.

Hah I am going to try this! I also have last name that doubles as a first name.

I've noticed at my workplaces that men are often called by their last names. Women are usually called by their first names.

[Anonymous]

Story of my life - my first name and now my married last name are for 90% of the population totally unpronounceable. And they are ENGLISH as in from England, names.

I gave up correcting people in my 30s. Since I turned 40 I'll answer to pretty much anything.

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation. Like a Mary who gets called Marie. I just don't care, like it hardly registers. I'll correct people once or twice but after that it's too much of an effort.

[Anonymous]

My name is not unusual but it's one that has many different spellings and my spelling is not one of the most common. I get annoyed when people respond to an email where my name is plain as day, but I don't waste much energy on it. My name has been misspelled my entire life and will continue to be misspelled.

[Anonymous]

Literally half of my husband’s family pronounces my daughter’s name incorrectly. She’s 20.

I have two Andreas - one is ANDrea and the other is Ahndrea. It can be hard.

[Anonymous]

I am a Leslie, pronounced with an s sound and the significant majority of people pronounce it with a z sound, so much so that it is the s sound I notice and not the z now--meaning, it doesn't faze me when someone says Lezlie, but when they say Lesslie, I'm thinking, "hey, they same my name right!"