People keep spelling and pronouncing my name wrong

[Anonymous]

It's not difficult. It's a boring American name like Jane or Emily or Mary, but one that has an alternative spelling (I use the traditional one).

But fully half of the emails I get, both personal and work-related, begin with something like "Hi Mari," and it's driving me crazy. My first name with the correct spelling is in both email addresses, so for people to do this for years on end seems...passive-aggressive? I've been struggling for a long time with feeling invisible and suicidal thoughts and just being a woman in my 40's, and this just adds to the depression, like people can't even be bothered to call me by the right name. They create their own nicknames, too, e.g., if you randomly decided to call your friend Catherine Cathy or Cat, even though Catherine has never gone by anything but.

Please tell me I'm overreacting. Because today it's made me feel so unimportant and unseen.

[Anonymous]

I have a double name and people at my job that I have had for almost a year just call me by my first name. I sign everything with the double name. My legal name is just the first name so I go by the first and middle. Official email address is first name, middle initial, last name. No one can seem to get it, and even people who used to call me both names have changed to the first. I have given up. People are a mess after this pandemic and they are just in survival mode. It's not about me (or you). Hope that helps!

[Anonymous]

It’s not that you’re unimportant, OP. It’s that they are self-important and can’t be bothered to spell your name correctly.

I also have a name that is popular in my age group though I have the alternative spelling. People constantly spell it wrong. Even my best friend of 20 years spelled it wrong once, and acted like she had never been told otherwise. They also shorten my name, which I don’t like, but they never ask.

I never know how to respond. Sometimes, especially if it’s the first time a person has contacted me, I just ignore. If someone does it constantly, I will point it out, but the person invariably treats me like I’m crazy for wanting them to spell my name correctly. While I know they’re just deflecting because they feel stupid, it still makes me reluctant to call people out.

Just keep reminding yourself you’re not the a-hole here.

[Anonymous]

"Ashely" here- I see you and understand the issue. I think people are just quick and don't pay attention. In my case, I think most people say "Ash-e-ley" and so when they go to spell it they put in an extra syllable too.

Some names are tricky though. I worked with an Andrienne who constantly was correcting us- "A-dri-eeehn". A lot of us couldn't hear the different when she said it. Or Jenny vs Genny vs Ginny- some regional accents say them very similarly.

Stand up for yourself and just correct them. "Actually it's X"

[Anonymous]

What’s the name?

I would just correct people with a smile. “Actually I go by Elizabeth not Beth.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a double name and people at my job that I have had for almost a year just call me by my first name. I sign everything with the double name. My legal name is just the first name so I go by the first and middle. Official email address is first name, middle initial, last name. No one can seem to get it, and even people who used to call me both names have changed to the first. I have given up. People are a mess after this pandemic and they are just in survival mode. It's not about me (or you). Hope that helps!

This has been going on, at work at least, for over a decade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the name?

I would just correct people with a smile. “Actually I go by Elizabeth not Beth.”

Not really wanting to out myself, but it literally is very boring and easy to spell (and pronounce!)

[Anonymous]

I'm a Christina, and I don't mind if someone writes "Cristina", but I will correct them if they use a K, Christine, or shorten it to Chris/Chrissy/Christy.

I've really only had one person who pushed back when I asked her not to call me Chris. She is a Jennifer and said, well I don't mind when people call me Jen. Okay. But Chris is not my name. It was slightly awkward, but she said would try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the name?

I would just correct people with a smile. “Actually I go by Elizabeth not Beth.”

Not really wanting to out myself, but it literally is very boring and easy to spell (and pronounce!)

I'm in the same boat. It's them, not you. I just roll my eyes and gently correct them. Some people are dense so it takes multiple corrections. I keep telling myself that it reflects on them, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a double name and people at my job that I have had for almost a year just call me by my first name. I sign everything with the double name. My legal name is just the first name so I go by the first and middle. Official email address is first name, middle initial, last name. No one can seem to get it, and even people who used to call me both names have changed to the first. I have given up. People are a mess after this pandemic and they are just in survival mode. It's not about me (or you). Hope that helps!

In your case, I think you need to change your email at work. You just go by a double name. Double barrel names actually are legally the first name "Molly Anne" and then they have a separate middle name "Molly Anne Sarah Smith".

I work with someone who has a name like yours and she has it in her signature what she wants to be called.

[Anonymous]

I've had that all my life and my children will have it too.

In this day and age when there is a giant number of names from all countries, and alternative spellings for most of them, the risk of making a mistake is greatly increased.

I make a point of apologizing when I've made a name mistake, because I hate common variations of my name that people mistakenly use, so I know what it feels like.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, op. Correct them every time.

I have a friend, Erin, who is often called Eric. Like, what? Not even the right sex. People are genuinely terrible sometimes.

[Anonymous]

People call me by my last name all the time since it's a common first name. For example, Jeff George or Peter Martin.

When they call me by my last name, I respond by calling them by their last name. It usually gets a chuckle and brings attention to the matter in a lighthearted way if you want to avoid direct confrontation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the name?

I would just correct people with a smile. “Actually I go by Elizabeth not Beth.”

Not really wanting to out myself, but it literally is very boring and easy to spell (and pronounce!)

Sarah/Sara?

[Anonymous]

Do you think these could be micro aggressions directed at you, OP?

Are you BIPOC?