Bathing suits and hair for DD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where I would land:

It’s not my job as your parent to police your body, but it IS my job to keep you safe. I would love to live in a world where you can dress however you want and be safe, but I don’t think we do. Dressing in a way that bares your pubic hair does draw a certain type of attention, and I truly think it could put her in an unsafe situation that she may not be able to navigate solo.

So I would say that if she wants to wear a regular suit and let it all hang out when she is at the neighborhood pool with at least one parent—fine. Relatively safe environment, and she had backup if someone says or does something out of line and she isn’t sure how to respond. But I would insist on a more full-coverage suit cut (or just adding board shorts) if she is going to be swimming with just her friends or if we are at the beach where she will want to be more independent like going to grab an ice cream cone solo or relaxing in the water far away from where the family’s chairs are set up.

I would put this in the same category as the fact that in certain countries, when I travel there I wear long sleeves or keep my hair covered. Standing out too far from local customs and norma can make you a target.

I like this approach. Thank you. -OP

I like it as well, makes sense all over the globe.

The issue with this area is that one extreme is pushing for no rules, no standards, no expectations. THey already got it with no grades, no testing, no asking questions. Now they'be botched the whole "ask for consent thing." Females are offering "consent" but males are taking that to mean skies they limit for kink, slapping, choking, anal, etc. No expectations so everyones bobbling around not know what to do or when or how, until the Bad Influence shows up and gets whatever they want done, done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't stare at other people's crotches at the beach or the pool you wouldn't notice what they have done or not done with their pubic hair. Just a thought...

I love it when my 4 yo walks by you with eyes at croth level and screams out about the curly dark hairs. SHall you go topless too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she's wearing a bikini, the hair that's showing isn't "pubic hair." It's leg hair. Hair on her legs is fine.

Honestly no one will even see or notice and if they do it's their problem.

People who are saying that men who wear speedos shave, I don't think that's true.

If these guys are fine, she's fine.

Exactly.

No difference at all between hairy Mediterranean cisgender heterosexual men and a teen daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear what she wants. Your personal hangups are clearly not hers. She'll either be comfortable or change, either way it should be her decision. No random stranger is going to notice or care.

You are very very wrong. I definitely notice when women have pubes sticking out of their bathing suits.

I will say though, if your daughter doesn’t care, then not much you can do. Maybe other kids will make comments and she will change or maybe she will start a new trend. Just because I think it’s revolting doesn’t mean it is. It’s my opinion.

OP back again. This is where I am. I think it’s terrible but there’s nothing I can do, right? I guess I’ll let it go for now. She will change her mind by the summer or get some serious looks at the pool but that’s her business. I’m trying to tell myself that there are lots of posts on here about parents who feel strongly about young kids coloring their hair and how that’s wrong and looks bad. I think this looks bad. But as long as the kids are clean and not harming anyone else, it’s all opinion.

One the one hand, I think it’s sweet she’s so idealistic. Maybe there is nothing you can do?

OTOH, teens are ruthless. She will be made fun of, and it will hurt.

Worse still: kids these days do not just talk, like when we were young. I am learning they will use their phones to record everything. Yes everything. Then they post and share it. All of it.

So much more potential for terrible situations.

But again- what can a parent do?

What's a parent to do?

Just say Trim your pubes they're sticking out of your swimsuit and for everyone to see. We don't live in a nudist colony so cover up your private parts. No thick, course, dark, curly pubes on your head, chest, arms, leg? THey're on your private parts for hygiene purposes and protection. Not for PeekaBoo at the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter’s logic makes no sense and you need to correct her. When men wear the bottoms she wants to wear (Speedos) they shave their pubic hair. There is no double standard here. Pubic hair is part of your private parts and should not be shown in public.

+1

what school does your daughter go to? is she straight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what anybody does or does not “want to see” as long as private parts are covered (I’m assuming OP’s DD is wearing a standard-cut bikini bottom and just has some hair on upper thighs which is not a private part)? She doesn’t exist for the visual satisfaction of others and I think it’s really great that she realizes that at such a young age.

Also the “unaware of social norms” stuff seems out of place. Unless this kid lives a very sheltered existence I’m sure she is fully aware of the prevailing beauty standards.

OP back again. She is very aware of social norms and I think this is one of her ways of rebelling against them. It’s not really relevant but she also is currently identifying as part of the LBGTQ+ community. I’m trying hard not to put labels on her and just be a supportive parent. So much around us is so supportive and accepting of everything now. This is where some of her logic about men is coming from. And I don’t know, I’ve seen some pretty hairy men in speedos so I’m not sure the argument that they all shave applies. It hasn’t been in the US but it happens.

But I agree with many of you, the world is a harsh place and exposed pubic hair may be a little much even for accepting Nova.

sorry, just saw this.

She's under the influence of influencers right now, so just buckle up and try to keep what she does Not Permanent as she explores her gender and her orientation.
Also reiterate that her "job" as a k-12 kid is to study, get good grades, stay out of trouble, and learn as much subject matter as possible well so she can go to a good college, pick a marketable major, and development marketable skills and knowledge so she can get good jobs and career going.

Don't let her get obsessed with other things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't stare at other people's crotches at the beach or the pool you wouldn't notice what they have done or not done with their pubic hair. Just a thought...

I love it when my 4 yo walks by you with eyes at croth level and screams out about the curly dark hairs. SHall you go topless too?

Teach your kid not to stare at other people's private parts. That's part of the job definition of a parent.

[Anonymous]

She won't go anywhere with her hairy armpits and crotch area except to lesbian/ nonbinary parties anyhow. It will be self-reinforcing then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make my kids wax their upper lips and plan to enforce bikini hair removal once it becomes an issue. Sorry not sorry.

You force your kids to wax?
Why not just leave it as is and let them know that you’re there to listen and offer solutions if they become self conscious about it?
I grew up in the 80s and my mom said nothing. One day I noticed another kid looking at my leg hair and mentioned it to my mom. She explained hair removal options and told me she’d help me if/when I wanted. Several years later, I started shaving.

There’s no need to give your kids a complex about their bodies for no reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what anybody does or does not “want to see” as long as private parts are covered (I’m assuming OP’s DD is wearing a standard-cut bikini bottom and just has some hair on upper thighs which is not a private part)? She doesn’t exist for the visual satisfaction of others and I think it’s really great that she realizes that at such a young age.

Also the “unaware of social norms” stuff seems out of place. Unless this kid lives a very sheltered existence I’m sure she is fully aware of the prevailing beauty standards.

OP back again. She is very aware of social norms and I think this is one of her ways of rebelling against them. It’s not really relevant but she also is currently identifying as part of the LBGTQ+ community. I’m trying hard not to put labels on her and just be a supportive parent. So much around us is so supportive and accepting of everything now. This is where some of her logic about men is coming from. And I don’t know, I’ve seen some pretty hairy men in speedos so I’m not sure the argument that they all shave applies. It hasn’t been in the US but it happens.

But I agree with many of you, the world is a harsh place and exposed pubic hair may be a little much even for accepting Nova.

Funny. I swear you are me. I am also battling this as a Mom of an empowered she/they and a pansexual leaning towards girls right now. We went to Mexico and she trimmed her underarm her but did not shave her legs, underarms nor public area. I told her she needed to if she was going to wear bikinis and she flat out said no. I am not for hair and shave and wax regularly everywhere, so this has been a challenge. She does not seem to care either. She did not get any attention but I was anxious about it.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes DCUM is so progressive, but sometimes people are so dumb. It’s is definitely a thing now for girls to not shave, particularly if they are lesbian or non-binary. If OP’s daughter is a member of this community and that is who she is hanging out with, it’s not going to be an issue.

Shaving is a PITA and girls like anyone should be able to just suit up and swim.

[Anonymous]

They are just rebelling against the previous, highly waxed, generation. Just get her into the biggest bathing suit you can, and don't buy any more little teeny suits, it's not great girls that young are wearing them anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares what anybody does or does not “want to see” as long as private parts are covered (I’m assuming OP’s DD is wearing a standard-cut bikini bottom and just has some hair on upper thighs which is not a private part)? She doesn’t exist for the visual satisfaction of others and I think it’s really great that she realizes that at such a young age.

Also the “unaware of social norms” stuff seems out of place. Unless this kid lives a very sheltered existence I’m sure she is fully aware of the prevailing beauty standards.

OP back again. She is very aware of social norms and I think this is one of her ways of rebelling against them. It’s not really relevant but she also is currently identifying as part of the LBGTQ+ community. I’m trying hard not to put labels on her and just be a supportive parent. So much around us is so supportive and accepting of everything now. This is where some of her logic about men is coming from. And I don’t know, I’ve seen some pretty hairy men in speedos so I’m not sure the argument that they all shave applies. It hasn’t been in the US but it happens.

But I agree with many of you, the world is a harsh place and exposed pubic hair may be a little much even for accepting Nova.

Funny. I swear you are me. I am also battling this as a Mom of an empowered she/they and a pansexual leaning towards girls right now. We went to Mexico and she trimmed her underarm her but did not shave her legs, underarms nor public area. I told her she needed to if she was going to wear bikinis and she flat out said no. I am not for hair and shave and wax regularly everywhere, so this has been a challenge. She does not seem to care either. She did not get any attention but I was anxious about it.

This is my teen daughter, too. Proudly hairy and offended at the idea of being anything else. I have to admit it makes me extremely self-conscious on her behalf, but she doesn’t seem to care. Any suggestions about grooming, self-care, or impressions on others are not received well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes DCUM is so progressive, but sometimes people are so dumb. It’s is definitely a thing now for girls to not shave, particularly if they are lesbian or non-binary. If OP’s daughter is a member of this community and that is who she is hanging out with, it’s not going to be an issue.

Shaving is a PITA and girls like anyone should be able to just suit up and swim.

Oh please it takes 10 seconds in the shower and you don’t have wispy thick vulva pubes sticking out or overgrown ones. Shaving is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She won't go anywhere with her hairy armpits and crotch area except to lesbian/ nonbinary parties anyhow. It will be self-reinforcing then.

+1 she gets a lot of attention from her new friend group, no doubt.