Bathing suits and hair for DD

[Anonymous]

We just got back from spring break and this came up many times with my daughter. She is confident with herself and doesn’t want to shave her armpits or legs. She constantly tells me, men don’t have to do it and neither do women. Okay. Her body. But the topic came up with bikini bottoms and pubic hair. She had the same answer. Men don’t have to shave, why do I. I told her she should buy some of the boyshort bottoms if she wants to be natural and she is saying the same, her body and she’s comfortable. I don’t really have a good answer on why she can’t do this other than it makes me and possibly others uncomfortable. I totally get that I’m old now. What do you think, DCUM? Honestly, I wish I had her confidence when I was a teen.

[Anonymous]

Let her wear what she wants. Your personal hangups are clearly not hers. She'll either be comfortable or change, either way it should be her decision. No random stranger is going to notice or care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear what she wants. Your personal hangups are clearly not hers. She'll either be comfortable or change, either way it should be her decision. No random stranger is going to notice or care.

You are very very wrong. I definitely notice when women have pubes sticking out of their bathing suits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear what she wants. Your personal hangups are clearly not hers. She'll either be comfortable or change, either way it should be her decision. No random stranger is going to notice or care.

Umm.... they'll definitely notice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear what she wants. Your personal hangups are clearly not hers. She'll either be comfortable or change, either way it should be her decision. No random stranger is going to notice or care.

You are very very wrong. I definitely notice when women have pubes sticking out of their bathing suits.

I will say though, if your daughter doesn’t care, then not much you can do. Maybe other kids will make comments and she will change or maybe she will start a new trend. Just because I think it’s revolting doesn’t mean it is. It’s my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her wear what she wants. Your personal hangups are clearly not hers. She'll either be comfortable or change, either way it should be her decision. No random stranger is going to notice or care.

You are very very wrong. I definitely notice when women have pubes sticking out of their bathing suits.

I will say though, if your daughter doesn’t care, then not much you can do. Maybe other kids will make comments and she will change or maybe she will start a new trend. Just because I think it’s revolting doesn’t mean it is. It’s my opinion.

OP back again. This is where I am. I think it’s terrible but there’s nothing I can do, right? I guess I’ll let it go for now. She will change her mind by the summer or get some serious looks at the pool but that’s her business. I’m trying to tell myself that there are lots of posts on here about parents who feel strongly about young kids coloring their hair and how that’s wrong and looks bad. I think this looks bad. But as long as the kids are clean and not harming anyone else, it’s all opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from spring break and this came up many times with my daughter. She is confident with herself and doesn’t want to shave her armpits or legs. She constantly tells me, men don’t have to do it and neither do women. Okay. Her body. But the topic came up with bikini bottoms and pubic hair. She had the same answer. Men don’t have to shave, why do I. I told her she should buy some of the boyshort bottoms if she wants to be natural and she is saying the same, her body and she’s comfortable. I don’t really have a good answer on why she can’t do this other than it makes me and possibly others uncomfortable. I totally get that I’m old now. What do you think, DCUM? Honestly, I wish I had her confidence when I was a teen.

This is not your problem to solve. Actually, it's not actually a problem. Leave her be. There is nothing inherently wrong with a hairy body. You have been conditioned to think it's bad.

She can deal with whatever "consequences" that result in her choice.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like my 13 year old. No interest in shaving and just talking about body hair and ways to manage it makes her very upset. No advice, really, just saying you’re not alone. On the one hand, I want to be like “hell yeah!”, but we are so conditioned to find excess hair on a woman unsightly, and I know other people will judge.

[Anonymous]

OP, you were right to tell her it wasn’t common/socially acceptable in your circle so she knows if she does it she might get judgement. Now you just have to let her go forth and decide what she wants to do given that information. (But also: don’t make swimmers who wear speedos shave too? So is it really a double standard?)

[Anonymous]

This will make a lot of people stare at your underage daughter’s private area and yes they will stare especially as she gets older. You explain this to her and only buy her shorts until she’s mature enough to understand why a teenage girl needs to shave for swimming. Parenting means setting boundaries, when she’s 18 and buying her own swimwear she can walk around with her pubes hanging out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will make a lot of people stare at your underage daughter’s private area and yes they will stare especially as she gets older. You explain this to her and only buy her shorts until she’s mature enough to understand why a teenage girl needs to shave for swimming. Parenting means setting boundaries, when she’s 18 and buying her own swimwear she can walk around with her pubes hanging out.

She could just walk around in a burqa to eliminate looks. If you are staring at anyone's pubes, that is a you problem, perv.

[Anonymous]

Here’s where I would land:

It’s not my job as your parent to police your body, but it IS my job to keep you safe. I would love to live in a world where you can dress however you want and be safe, but I don’t think we do. Dressing in a way that bares your pubic hair does draw a certain type of attention, and I truly think it could put her in an unsafe situation that she may not be able to navigate solo.

So I would say that if she wants to wear a regular suit and let it all hang out when she is at the neighborhood pool with at least one parent—fine. Relatively safe environment, and she had backup if someone says or does something out of line and she isn’t sure how to respond. But I would insist on a more full-coverage suit cut (or just adding board shorts) if she is going to be swimming with just her friends or if we are at the beach where she will want to be more independent like going to grab an ice cream cone solo or relaxing in the water far away from where the family’s chairs are set up.

I would put this in the same category as the fact that in certain countries, when I travel there I wear long sleeves or keep my hair covered. Standing out too far from local customs and norma can make you a target.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This will make a lot of people stare at your underage daughter’s private area and yes they will stare especially as she gets older. You explain this to her and only buy her shorts until she’s mature enough to understand why a teenage girl needs to shave for swimming. Parenting means setting boundaries, when she’s 18 and buying her own swimwear she can walk around with her pubes hanging out.

That seems a little extreme. I’m not thrilled with the underarm hair either and also think she could get stares even if she shaved by wearing a two piece. There are men and boys staring at girls everywhere. That same reasoning could have her ask why I’m not forcing a rash guard and swim leggings. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s where I would land:

It’s not my job as your parent to police your body, but it IS my job to keep you safe. I would love to live in a world where you can dress however you want and be safe, but I don’t think we do. Dressing in a way that bares your pubic hair does draw a certain type of attention, and I truly think it could put her in an unsafe situation that she may not be able to navigate solo.

So I would say that if she wants to wear a regular suit and let it all hang out when she is at the neighborhood pool with at least one parent—fine. Relatively safe environment, and she had backup if someone says or does something out of line and she isn’t sure how to respond. But I would insist on a more full-coverage suit cut (or just adding board shorts) if she is going to be swimming with just her friends or if we are at the beach where she will want to be more independent like going to grab an ice cream cone solo or relaxing in the water far away from where the family’s chairs are set up.

I would put this in the same category as the fact that in certain countries, when I travel there I wear long sleeves or keep my hair covered. Standing out too far from local customs and norma can make you a target.

I like this approach. Thank you. -OP

[Anonymous]

Men don't wear the type of bottoms that permit public hair to hang out so it's a little different.

She probably goes to the pool with friends or sees friends or classmates at the pool. Her classmates will make fun of her so this will probably resolve itself or she will just be the weird girl with the pubes hanging out.