How to handle birthday gifts? Tacky to ask ‘no gifts’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

Homemade cupcake in the backyard? That's what I grew up with and I'd be delighted to bring a gift to any 3yo who's parents offered the same. (NP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

Why on earth do you care what kind of birthday party someone throws for their kid? How does this thought even take up any real estate in your head? Just decline the invitation if you’re so offended, nobody is forcing you to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

Homemade cupcake in the backyard? That's what I grew up with and I'd be delighted to bring a gift to any 3yo who's parents offered the same. (NP)

That’s what I grew up with too and I suspect all these haters grew up with the same. Idk how they got so high and mighty with their rules for what is and is not acceptable at a child’s birthday party but I would chalk it up to just generally being miserable people.

[Anonymous]

This thread is incredibly sad and is a good reminder of why I am glad to have left the DC area.

[Anonymous]

We went to a nice preschool park party today. It was right after school (2PM) at a lovely playground near the kids school. Pizza, cake-pops, fruit and veggie platters, lots of water and two party favors (wrapped cookie and a small bag of little toys). No gifts was stressed and no one brought a gift. Siblings invited. And the parents and grandparents acted like hosts - talking to everyone, introducing themselves to the kids, making sure everyone had something to drink and eat. And lots of food.

That’s a great way to throw an inexpensive party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

PP was saying the “fancy” party throwers should scale back if they are doing so much for their own kids that they become resentful of families who do “less.” How could you not understand that post? Then again if you’re really comparing and judging toddler birthday parties, I’m not surprised that you can’t read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

PP was saying the “fancy” party throwers should scale back if they are doing so much for their own kids that they become resentful of families who do “less.” How could you not understand that post? Then again if you’re really comparing and judging toddler birthday parties, I’m not surprised that you can’t read.

I guess we found the gift-grabbing cheap skates on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went to a nice preschool park party today. It was right after school (2PM) at a lovely playground near the kids school. Pizza, cake-pops, fruit and veggie platters, lots of water and two party favors (wrapped cookie and a small bag of little toys). No gifts was stressed and no one brought a gift. Siblings invited. And the parents and grandparents acted like hosts - talking to everyone, introducing themselves to the kids, making sure everyone had something to drink and eat. And lots of food.

That’s a great way to throw an inexpensive party.

Sounds nice. A perfect laid back no-gift party.

[Anonymous]

I’m in Los Angeles and every single party we’ve been invited to is “no gift” and included the whole class and parents as well as siblings. Some have been park parties, some home parties, some venue parties.

I can’t imagine anyone thinking “no gifts, please” is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

PP was saying the “fancy” party throwers should scale back if they are doing so much for their own kids that they become resentful of families who do “less.” How could you not understand that post? Then again if you’re really comparing and judging toddler birthday parties, I’m not surprised that you can’t read.

I guess we found the gift-grabbing cheap skates on this thread.

I’ve had all kinds of parties, including park parties, depending on what my kids wanted to do that year. So yes. I guess I am a cheapskate according to you. But in my view, if you were comfortable with the amount of money and effort you were spending on your own parties- or even just otherwise happy with your life- it wouldn’t bother you if your child were invited to a party at a park. This is just another form of comparison that people do and it’s really not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is incredibly sad and is a good reminder of why I am glad to have left the DC area.

Yes it is just in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

How exactly could the cheapskates do less than a cupcake in a public playground? What would less even look like?

PP was saying the “fancy” party throwers should scale back if they are doing so much for their own kids that they become resentful of families who do “less.” How could you not understand that post? Then again if you’re really comparing and judging toddler birthday parties, I’m not surprised that you can’t read.

I guess we found the gift-grabbing cheap skates on this thread.

The posts you are replying to literally said they are “no gift” parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

So only the rich kids whose parents can afford an entertainer or hire out a venue should get presents? How about making this not about you and just decline invitations to the types of parties that don't meet your definition of fun for a 6yo?

You really think all the parents on DCUM doing the cheap-assed playground parties are poor? Get real. They’re cheap.

We are plenty wealthy. I prefer to have and attend playground parties. It has nothing to do with money. I just like them more. I don't have to sit in some gross bounce house venue, trampoline place, bowling/arcade place or stinky gymnastics warehouse. I can be outside and it is lovely. The kids have fun, grown ups can relax at picnic tables and socialize, younger siblings can tag along and play. What isn't to like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We went to a nice preschool park party today. It was right after school (2PM) at a lovely playground near the kids school. Pizza, cake-pops, fruit and veggie platters, lots of water and two party favors (wrapped cookie and a small bag of little toys). No gifts was stressed and no one brought a gift. Siblings invited. And the parents and grandparents acted like hosts - talking to everyone, introducing themselves to the kids, making sure everyone had something to drink and eat. And lots of food.

That’s a great way to throw an inexpensive party.

Agree! I think it is a great way to get to know other families too since usually a parent stays and brings the siblings too. So much more relaxed and social than the typical venue party.