How to handle birthday gifts? Tacky to ask ‘no gifts’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the parties especially during COVID have been playground parties. The kids love it. I spent $400 bucks on my kids’ party but I don’t even blink an eye about a playground party. My kids LOVE them.

DCUM is not real life.

My kid goes to the playground several times a week and we usually pack mini muffins for a snack. For my kid a playground party is basically a usual playground trip plus icing.

Okay, that made me laugh out loud!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s good and preferable to make any party a No Gift party. Everyone appreciates it. My kids have lots of toys and probably two hundred plus books. There’s so much waste in kids’ toy packaging, too.

And for the record, we do full-out parties with entertainment and meals for both kids and parents. We still don’t want gifts.

Stop buying your kids so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“No gifts please” is standard and totally acceptable. Etiquette evolves. Don’t listen to the inevitable dinosaurs come on here and tell you it’s tacky.

90% of the parties my kids go to say no gifts. Elementary and preschool.

Agreed. 50% of kids bring a hand written card and 50% bring literally nothing and they are both great!

We’ve been to 3 “no gift” parties the past couple weekends and in all 3 cases it was more like 75% bring gifts and 25% handmade card/no gift. We’re in the latter 25%, and my kids give me grief about it, but no gifts means no gifts, to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

Oooh so now kids birthday parties are akin to weddings (or at least some people's view on weddings)- you "pay for your plate" and price your gift accordingly if it's at a fancy resort vs. barn? How times have changed- when I was a kid the vast majority of parties were at the family's house, not elaborate in the slightest, and everyone brought gits.

I am totally down with no gift parties! I just agree to be clear in the invite- say "no gifts please" instead of "gifts not necessary." My little one will still want to make a card and potentially wrap up a matchbox car laying around the house but I generally figure that is ok!

[Anonymous]

Hmm. I assumed all preschool parties were no gifts because who wants more junk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

Agree. I hate playground parties but it’s adding insult to injury when the “host” doesn’t insist on “no gifts, please”.

In all honesty, most people feel this way. All parties should be no gift but absolutely playground parties should be.

BS. Playground parties are great for young kids, and I love having the kids outside together.

We dislike “no gifts” because someone ALWAYS brings a gift, so then other kids who didn’t can notice that and feel bad that they didn’t. My 4 year old loves giving something to their friends. We couldn’t care less about receiving gifts but kids do enjoy the whole affair at both ends so we accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

Is this a complaint from someone who wants alcohol at a kids party or is incapable of bringing a cup of coffee or water bottle because they will become overcome by thirst by a 2 hr outing to the playground?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“No gifts please” is standard and totally acceptable. Etiquette evolves. Don’t listen to the inevitable dinosaurs come on here and tell you it’s tacky.

90% of the parties my kids go to say no gifts. Elementary and preschool.

Agreed. 50% of kids bring a hand written card and 50% bring literally nothing and they are both great!

We’ve been to 3 “no gift” parties the past couple weekends and in all 3 cases it was more like 75% bring gifts and 25% handmade card/no gift. We’re in the latter 25%, and my kids give me grief about it, but no gifts means no gifts, to me.

No gifts definitely means no gifts. People who ignore that are rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

Is this a complaint from someone who wants alcohol at a kids party or is incapable of bringing a cup of coffee or water bottle because they will become overcome by thirst by a 2 hr outing to the playground?

No, I meant enough water for the adults and those gross juice boxes for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good and preferable to make any party a No Gift party. Everyone appreciates it. My kids have lots of toys and probably two hundred plus books. There’s so much waste in kids’ toy packaging, too.

And for the record, we do full-out parties with entertainment and meals for both kids and parents. We still don’t want gifts.

Stop buying your kids so much.

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“No gifts please” is standard and totally acceptable. Etiquette evolves. Don’t listen to the inevitable dinosaurs come on here and tell you it’s tacky.

90% of the parties my kids go to say no gifts. Elementary and preschool.

Agreed. 50% of kids bring a hand written card and 50% bring literally nothing and they are both great!

We’ve been to 3 “no gift” parties the past couple weekends and in all 3 cases it was more like 75% bring gifts and 25% handmade card/no gift. We’re in the latter 25%, and my kids give me grief about it, but no gifts means no gifts, to me.

No gifts definitely means no gifts. People who ignore that are rude.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of the parties especially during COVID have been playground parties. The kids love it. I spent $400 bucks on my kids’ party but I don’t even blink an eye about a playground party. My kids LOVE them.

DCUM is not real life.

My kid goes to the playground several times a week and we usually pack mini muffins for a snack. For my kid a playground party is basically a usual playground trip plus icing.

Okay, that made me laugh out loud!!

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“No gifts please” is standard and totally acceptable. Etiquette evolves. Don’t listen to the inevitable dinosaurs come on here and tell you it’s tacky.

90% of the parties my kids go to say no gifts. Elementary and preschool.

Agree. No one, and I mean no one except these internet bots here, care.

We all have enough money. We all have plenty of toys. We don't need more. We get it. Thank you, one less thing to do before heading to your party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was planning to take the kids bowling but my son (turning 7) is begging for a playground party just like last year. He wants sub sandwiches and cake. It didn't occur to me that I should request no gifts due to the cheapness of the party but you've all given me something to think about....

I would give zero weight to those comments. The party isn’t about these adults, it’s about what your child wants to do with his friends( within reason) on his birthday. These threads are so strange, a few weeks ago parents were out in force stating it was rude to provide food for adults at a child’s party bc it was wasteful or didn’t match up with their diets or made them feel like they had to socialize with other parents when they were purely their to supervise their kid.

For an area with so much wealth, there are an obscene amount of socially clueless people. It would be funny if it weren’t so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.