How to handle birthday gifts? Tacky to ask ‘no gifts’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s good and preferable to make any party a No Gift party. Everyone appreciates it. My kids have lots of toys and probably two hundred plus books. There’s so much waste in kids’ toy packaging, too.

And for the record, we do full-out parties with entertainment and meals for both kids and parents. We still don’t want gifts.

It’s preferable for you- but sone people were raised to believe that any mention of gifts at all- even “no gifts” - is tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

Is this a complaint from someone who wants alcohol at a kids party or is incapable of bringing a cup of coffee or water bottle because they will become overcome by thirst by a 2 hr outing to the playground?

Idk but this person also said they resent having to watch and play with their 3.5 year old so something more is going on. I hope this poster is able to address whatever is going on in their life that makes them feel so resentful about these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

JUST MAKE IT “NO GIFT”! You, the host, put no effort into your child’s party but you think your guests should?!

Just RSVP no if you feel so put out. It’s an invitation, not a summons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good and preferable to make any party a No Gift party. Everyone appreciates it. My kids have lots of toys and probably two hundred plus books. There’s so much waste in kids’ toy packaging, too.

And for the record, we do full-out parties with entertainment and meals for both kids and parents. We still don’t want gifts.

It’s preferable for you- but sone people were raised to believe that any mention of gifts at all- even “no gifts” - is tacky.

NP. I was raised this way too, but never in relation to a child’s birthday party. We didn’t really discuss etiquette for a 3 year old’s birthday. The simplest rule of etiquette is to make all guests feel comfortable. Do you feel uncomfortable when you see those words, or do you just think the host is tacky? Just curious how other people view this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Ugh. Tiresome gift grabs with no sense of imagination or taste.

+1. I do agree. I resent being expected to shell out $20 for a gift and wrap it for two hours at the same playground we go to every week but with cold pizza and a tiny cupcake. The parties are fine as long as “no gift” is clearly requested.

NP. How elitist of you. Do you think the same of a catered party at a play space or a restaurant. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s an anonymous forum, I can be honest. I resent having to bring a gift to a playground party too. It’s just wrong and feels like a gift grab. There’s nothing wrong with pizza and cupcakes at the playground but please specify no gifts.

You are clearly in the minority on this one. And your take on this is incredibly tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

Then you should avoid social interactions. You sound completely misanthropic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not about the cheapness of the host or the time it takes to put the party together. It’s that small kids get joy out of opening presents! It’s exciting! Doesn’t have to be expensive or big — even a small silly putty container is fun to open! You can spend according to the “value” of the party if you want, though spending more or less on a kid based on party quality seems petty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Almost every single kids party I have been to is a no gifts party. I honestly consider it tacky when someone does not say no gifts.

+1. Especially if it’s a party in the playground with pizza and cupcakes and nothing else. Those should absolutely be “no gift” parties.

I disagree with this. The spirit of the gift is to celebrate someone’s birthday.
If the family doesn’t one them - that’s fine. But to state that the playground party is not enough in your mind to merit a gift seems very transactional and tasteless.

We just recently attended one of these playground parties. There were grocery store cupcakes, a cheese and crackers platter also from the store and water bottles. People brought gifts. The kids play outside. It was refreshingly low key since some people go all out for things in this area.

Nothing wrong with saying no gifts it’d that’s your preference but I strongly prefer playground parties in general and of course would be delighted to bring a gift unless specifically asked not to.

+1. The folks complaining about buying a $15 craft kit or truck or whatever for a small child come across as petty and pretty snooty. Just decline the invite if playground parties aren’t worth the small effort to buy a gift for a 6 year old.

No, come on! We know you aren’t poor so just make your playground party a no gift party. It’s shouldn’t take your guest longer to prepare for your party (buy and wrap a gift) than it does for the host to prepare (pick up cupcakes).

It’s not about the child - it’s about the cheap-ass parents.

Yeah, I’m sorry but it is the cheapness of the parents. And in all honesty, it’s neither “refreshing or low-key” to have to watch and play with my 3.5 yr old with no place to sit and nothing to drink for the adults. I don’t resent the playground parties but I do resent having to buy a gift and wrap it, show up at a specific time, and then play in the same playground we go to several times a week.

NP here. I like the parties where there’s an activity or musical group to entertain the kids and give me a breather. And coffee is great! But if you truly can’t afford it just specify no gifts.

So only the rich kids whose parents can afford an entertainer or hire out a venue should get presents? How about making this not about you and just decline invitations to the types of parties that don't meet your definition of fun for a 6yo?

You really think all the parents on DCUM doing the cheap-assed playground parties are poor? Get real. They’re cheap.

You must be poor to even care about things like this. The rich parents at our private do not care whether it's at a playground or at an event space. You sound greedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

You’re replying to me and I agree with your analysis! I was being inarticulate. I think people who are wealthier (or who have always been wealthy) care the least. People who suddenly have money or who feel like they are keeping up with the Jones care the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow I’m really surprised by these responses. I’m MC and live in a MC suburb and have been to many birthday parties; some at venues and some at homes or playgrounds. I have truly never judged people for hosting a party at a park or playground and, unless the invite says no gifts, I take joy in bringing a gift the child will enjoy.

The point of a children’s birthday party isn’t to get your moneys worth or even enjoy it if you really insist on being miserable. The point is to celebrate the child and for the kids to have fun. Is this attitude a stingy rich person thing?

YES! It definitely is entitled parents raising entitled children that see life events as a transaction rather than a celebration.

Yes and these are the same people who think a wedding gift should cover the cost of attendance. My kid asks for playground parties so that’s what we do. I have enough refreshments for everyone and we do “no gifts” but not bc it’s at the playground. We do “no gifts” because we don’t need anything. If people think we are cheap, oh well. It’s more important to me to give our kids the party that they want. If the adults are upset about it, that says a lot more about how they were raised than how I’m raising my kids.

IMO it's not the rich parents who care about this stuff - they have everything and it is unlikely that they would quibble over a $20 gift for a playground party or care if it's not fancy enough. They have plenty of fancy things.

Who is it then- the UMC?

It’s people who are stretching to throw “fancy toddler parties” and are resentful when other families do “less.” The solution is for the resentful people to scale back, not for everyone else to scale up. This is one of the pettiest threads I’ve ever read on DCUM.

+1 Exactly!

[Anonymous]

This question comes up often and I haven't read the replies, but my view is that it's fine to say no gifts. I prefer that approach both as a host and as a guest. We all have way too much stuff and too little time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s good and preferable to make any party a No Gift party. Everyone appreciates it. My kids have lots of toys and probably two hundred plus books. There’s so much waste in kids’ toy packaging, too.

And for the record, we do full-out parties with entertainment and meals for both kids and parents. We still don’t want gifts.

It’s preferable for you- but sone people were raised to believe that any mention of gifts at all- even “no gifts” - is tacky.

That ship sailed years ago, PP. Now it’s acceptor say @no gifts”, “no siblings”, “one parent only”, “gifts of books welcome”, “wear white”, etc. “no gifts” is actually the least objectionable.