Is there more gender and sexual fluidity now among teen girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cisgender is different than heterosexual. Many people seem to be conflating the two?

Op, a number of my teen’s female friends say they’re bisexual, but only one or two are gender fluid or not cisgender. Definitely not 50%.

I don’t understand any of this.

[Anonymous]

Clearly a lot of this is just very liberal parents encouraging their kids that it's fine and wonderful to not conform to gender "stereotypes."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think girls right now are using this as the new way to deal with the realization we all come to at puberty that being a cis-girl can s-u-c-k. I think the large numbers are a result of it being a socialization/peer pressure thing. There is no doubt there are gender-fluid, non-binary, trans people, etc etc., but it from those I know, they knew from childhood. I am interested to see where this goes over the next 10 years.

+1000

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. 1000%

AND… opting out of the rote gender/sexuality riles is protection from the patriarchy. Fo with the flow. Empower your kid to be whomever they want to be. Opting out of oppressive systems that use vulnerable times to denigrate disempower people is liberation.

From a parent of an 18yo+ kid who has never followed gender roles, has been beloved and supported, is content in their spirit, and is kicking ass in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly a lot of this is just very liberal parents encouraging their kids that it's fine and wonderful to not conform to gender "stereotypes."

Gender stereotypes are only damaging to women. It makes sense that our daughters use any vehicle they have to opt out of them.

Real question: In what way is it ever necessary to use gender specific pronouns (he/she)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cisgender is different than heterosexual. Many people seem to be conflating the two?

Op, a number of my teen’s female friends say they’re bisexual, but only one or two are gender fluid or not cisgender. Definitely not 50%.

I don’t understand any of this.

Gender identity is different that sexuality (who a person is sexually attracted to).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly a lot of this is just very liberal parents encouraging their kids that it's fine and wonderful to not conform to gender "stereotypes."

It is fine and wonderful not to conform to gender stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly a lot of this is just very liberal parents encouraging their kids that it's fine and wonderful to not conform to gender "stereotypes."

It is fine and wonderful not to conform to gender stereotypes.

I’m sure you’re right, but I’m confused. My they/them daughter just went full-out princess dress and hair and makeup for prom. Are they conforming?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

I am going through similar and spoke to a great therapist last week who works with transgender people individually and in groups. He’s a doctorate and heavily into research. This is what he told me: There are three current categories in which to place individuals who identify as transgender. The first group are true transgender, in which research shows is .5 to .8 of the population at most, and goes back into the earliest days of childhood. The second group are people who are having trouble accepting their homosexuality and thus identify as the opposite sex as a mental coping skill. Those who have gender surgery and other irreversible changes early in their teens/adulthood often results in tragic consequences. The third are not true transgender but identify as such due to self esteem issues, trends, other mental disorders, especially OCD. Those that are learning disabled, ADHD, and/or on the autism spectrum are especially vulnerable. He also said that a good therapist will try and unwrap what’s really going on, but there are a host of therapists, doctors, etc. looking to financially capitalize. A whole new category of people needing specialized treatment is a cash cow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think girls right now are using this as the new way to deal with the realization we all come to at puberty that being a cis-girl can s-u-c-k. I think the large numbers are a result of it being a socialization/peer pressure thing. There is no doubt there are gender-fluid, non-binary, trans people, etc etc., but it from those I know, they knew from childhood. I am interested to see where this goes over the next 10 years.

+1000

Sexuality exists on a spectrum. 1000%

AND… opting out of the rote gender/sexuality riles is protection from the patriarchy. Fo with the flow. Empower your kid to be whomever they want to be. Opting out of oppressive systems that use vulnerable times to denigrate disempower people is liberation.

From a parent of an 18yo+ kid who has never followed gender roles, has been beloved and supported, is content in their spirit, and is kicking ass in life.

This sounds to me like children area being used for political means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

I am going through similar and spoke to a great therapist last week who works with transgender people individually and in groups. He’s a doctorate and heavily into research. This is what he told me: There are three current categories in which to place individuals who identify as transgender. The first group are true transgender, in which research shows is .5 to .8 of the population at most, and goes back into the earliest days of childhood. The second group are people who are having trouble accepting their homosexuality and thus identify as the opposite sex as a mental coping skill. Those who have gender surgery and other irreversible changes early in their teens/adulthood often results in tragic consequences. The third are not true transgender but identify as such due to self esteem issues, trends, other mental disorders, especially OCD. Those that are learning disabled, ADHD, and/or on the autism spectrum are especially vulnerable. He also said that a good therapist will try and unwrap what’s really going on, but there are a host of therapists, doctors, etc. looking to financially capitalize. A whole new category of people needing specialized treatment is a cash cow.

Keep hold of that therapist, but for the sake of the therapist, I would not share what he or she said broadly. A lot of therapists would not be courageous enough to say something like that now, and even what he or she said could be controversial. There is real pressure on therapists to never say anything that can be remotely interpreted as “non-affirming” and that includes factual statements that gender surgery doesn’t always lead to positive outcomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly a lot of this is just very liberal parents encouraging their kids that it's fine and wonderful to not conform to gender "stereotypes."

It is fine and wonderful not to conform to gender stereotypes.

I’m sure you’re right, but I’m confused. My they/them daughter just went full-out princess dress and hair and makeup for prom. Are they conforming?

No. Remember that gender identity and gender presentation are not the same. You can identify as nonbinary while still presenting as female (or male!). I actually think this is one of the most promising new phases of this "trend." For a while, I was worried that my they/them kid would basically be pushed into an eating disorder by media representations of NB people as entirely sexless/androgynous, which is something very few AFAB or AMAB kids can achieve.

But kids now are savvy enough to know that identity and presentation aren't the same, which reduces the pressure to present as entirely androgynous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

I am going through similar and spoke to a great therapist last week who works with transgender people individually and in groups. He’s a doctorate and heavily into research. This is what he told me: There are three current categories in which to place individuals who identify as transgender. The first group are true transgender, in which research shows is .5 to .8 of the population at most, and goes back into the earliest days of childhood. The second group are people who are having trouble accepting their homosexuality and thus identify as the opposite sex as a mental coping skill. Those who have gender surgery and other irreversible changes early in their teens/adulthood often results in tragic consequences. The third are not true transgender but identify as such due to self esteem issues, trends, other mental disorders, especially OCD. Those that are learning disabled, ADHD, and/or on the autism spectrum are especially vulnerable. He also said that a good therapist will try and unwrap what’s really going on, but there are a host of therapists, doctors, etc. looking to financially capitalize. A whole new category of people needing specialized treatment is a cash cow.

Keep hold of that therapist, but for the sake of the therapist, I would not share what he or she said broadly. A lot of therapists would not be courageous enough to say something like that now, and even what he or she said could be controversial. There is real pressure on therapists to never say anything that can be remotely interpreted as “non-affirming” and that includes factual statements that gender surgery doesn’t always lead to positive outcomes.

Not releasing names, I get what you are saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

I am going through similar and spoke to a great therapist last week who works with transgender people individually and in groups. He’s a doctorate and heavily into research. This is what he told me: There are three current categories in which to place individuals who identify as transgender. The first group are true transgender, in which research shows is .5 to .8 of the population at most, and goes back into the earliest days of childhood. The second group are people who are having trouble accepting their homosexuality and thus identify as the opposite sex as a mental coping skill. Those who have gender surgery and other irreversible changes early in their teens/adulthood often results in tragic consequences. The third are not true transgender but identify as such due to self esteem issues, trends, other mental disorders, especially OCD. Those that are learning disabled, ADHD, and/or on the autism spectrum are especially vulnerable. He also said that a good therapist will try and unwrap what’s really going on, but there are a host of therapists, doctors, etc. looking to financially capitalize. A whole new category of people needing specialized treatment is a cash cow.

Keep hold of that therapist, but for the sake of the therapist, I would not share what he or she said broadly. A lot of therapists would not be courageous enough to say something like that now, and even what he or she said could be controversial. There is real pressure on therapists to never say anything that can be remotely interpreted as “non-affirming” and that includes factual statements that gender surgery doesn’t always lead to positive outcomes.

Not releasing names, I get what you are saying.

It is an appalling state but I am glad you will protect the therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

I am going through similar and spoke to a great therapist last week who works with transgender people individually and in groups. He’s a doctorate and heavily into research. This is what he told me: There are three current categories in which to place individuals who identify as transgender. The first group are true transgender, in which research shows is .5 to .8 of the population at most, and goes back into the earliest days of childhood. The second group are people who are having trouble accepting their homosexuality and thus identify as the opposite sex as a mental coping skill. Those who have gender surgery and other irreversible changes early in their teens/adulthood often results in tragic consequences. The third are not true transgender but identify as such due to self esteem issues, trends, other mental disorders, especially OCD. Those that are learning disabled, ADHD, and/or on the autism spectrum are especially vulnerable. He also said that a good therapist will try and unwrap what’s really going on, but there are a host of therapists, doctors, etc. looking to financially capitalize. A whole new category of people needing specialized treatment is a cash cow.

So much this. We need to pin this post about the three different categories so we can all refer back to it while having conversations. The majority of kids identifying as trans today actually belong to that third category. What is super not helpful, is when people talk about kids in category 3 but with "solutions" that are only appropriate for category 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

I am going through similar and spoke to a great therapist last week who works with transgender people individually and in groups. He’s a doctorate and heavily into research. This is what he told me: There are three current categories in which to place individuals who identify as transgender. The first group are true transgender, in which research shows is .5 to .8 of the population at most, and goes back into the earliest days of childhood. The second group are people who are having trouble accepting their homosexuality and thus identify as the opposite sex as a mental coping skill. Those who have gender surgery and other irreversible changes early in their teens/adulthood often results in tragic consequences. The third are not true transgender but identify as such due to self esteem issues, trends, other mental disorders, especially OCD. Those that are learning disabled, ADHD, and/or on the autism spectrum are especially vulnerable. He also said that a good therapist will try and unwrap what’s really going on, but there are a host of therapists, doctors, etc. looking to financially capitalize. A whole new category of people needing specialized treatment is a cash cow.

So much this. We need to pin this post about the three different categories so we can all refer back to it while having conversations. The majority of kids identifying as trans today actually belong to that third category. What is super not helpful, is when people talk about kids in category 3 but with "solutions" that are only appropriate for category 1.

FWIW, I know a ton of gender fluid and nonbinary and trans teens, and only ONE is receiving any sort of treatment beyond talk therapy. That kid clearly belongs in Category 1 and has since early early childhood, and is under the care of a team of professionals that include both mental and physical health specialists.

The rest, to the degree that they are being "treated," are being treated for regular teen stuff. Anxiety, depression, general family discord, etc. In talking to the kids and their parents, it's also clear that they are getting help for those things, which is exactly what we would want. If you can treat the depression and the gender struggles get better, that's a good outcome for everyone because that's fewer struggles.

Basically, I think it's time we treat this the way we do abortion. This is a matter for a person to tackle together with their healthcare provider and without a bunch of sensationalized stories about something a friend's friend's cousin heard on the radio about an epidemic of radical hysterectomies in teens.