Is there more gender and sexual fluidity now among teen girls?

[Anonymous]

I'm the mom of a kick-ass middle school girl who came out to us as pansexual last year. Once I learned what pansexual meant...(ahem, I guess I'm an old lady)...I was like, cool, you be you. Just get back to me when there's an actual girlfriend/boyfriend in the picture.

The thing I am baffled by, though, is how many girls my daughter's age are queer or gender nonconforming or trans. I get sexuality is a spectrum, and gender is a spectrum, and both can be fluid, and THANK GOD that we live in a community where many teens can be comfortable in expressing and exploring these things, which is not the case for when and where I grew up.

But when I look around at all the parents of girls I know, and all the girls in my daughter's middle school, it feels like there are so many more girls than ever who are not cisgender. Maybe more than 50%?

Are there studies or research that is taking a look at the changes? Are we all that fluid and it's just been repressed in us old-timers (I'm GenX)? Or, are girls nowadays just rejecting all labels and keeping their options open for any potentiality that may come along as they navigate their lives?

This is a totally serious question.

[Anonymous]

There is a rise in the number of girls who identify as "non-heterosexual."

https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2021-06-15/big-rise-in-us-teens-identifying-as-gay-bisexual

"The percentage of boys who identified as non-heterosexual rose from 4.5% to 5.7%. For girls, the increase was greater — from 12.2% to 17.8%, the findings showed."

[Anonymous]

I’m finding this as well, OP. My middle school aged dd came out as pansexual as well, and from what I can tell, a number of her female friends are also queer. It seems to be very common at our MoCo private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m finding this as well, OP. My middle school aged dd came out as pansexual as well, and from what I can tell, a number of her female friends are also queer. It seems to be very common at our MoCo private.

Same with my 8th grader and her friends.

[Anonymous]

There has been an attempt to research this phenomenon.
But it has been met with resistance. This linked article talks about a study that has been started.


https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/brown-university-criticized-over-removal-transgender-study-n906741

[Anonymous]

I honestly think girls right now are using this as the new way to deal with the realization we all come to at puberty that being a cis-girl can s-u-c-k. I think the large numbers are a result of it being a socialization/peer pressure thing. There is no doubt there are gender-fluid, non-binary, trans people, etc etc., but it from those I know, they knew from childhood. I am interested to see where this goes over the next 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think girls right now are using this as the new way to deal with the realization we all come to at puberty that being a cis-girl can s-u-c-k. I think the large numbers are a result of it being a socialization/peer pressure thing. There is no doubt there are gender-fluid, non-binary, trans people, etc etc., but it from those I know, they knew from childhood. I am interested to see where this goes over the next 10 years.

+1
I think a lot of this is girls pushing back at the objectification of women and the hyper-sexualization of girls. They are not interested in it, at all. They don’t want to be force fit into a particular mold of who and how they should be, and they certainly don’t want to hang out with people who think that way. Being bisexual or pansexual is a way to identify that, and also find a group of similar thinking people. Be yourself, be open to loving people because you like them as a person, regardless of their sex.

I think this generation is simply going to approach long term relationships differently. I wouldn’t call it a “phase”, even if a majority of currently pansexual girls eventually decide to partner with a boy. They just have a different view of the world and how to relate to other people.

[Anonymous]

All my DD friends identify as she/they, because they "don't like labels." Right now she has a girlfriend, both seniors in HS. The weird thing is her girlfriend, as it appears to me, is more like a best friend. They sit close and watch movies, I think there is some cheek kissing, but that's it. She's not dying to spend every moment with her. She's happy so whatever, but I don't think its sexual. I think this is common. It will be interesting to see how all evolves, as she identifies as bi, as do almost all of her friends.

[Anonymous]

My two daughters are in college now, but they had many friends who were bi/pan in high school. Of the ones we have kept up with, they are all dating boys now and appear to be hetero. One of my own daughters wrote us a long dramatic coming out and she’s now been in a relationship with a male for over a year. I think kids are very confused about what they are and in a rush to put a label on it…at least that’s what she said.

[Anonymous]

Cisgender is different than heterosexual. Many people seem to be conflating the two?

Op, a number of my teen’s female friends say they’re bisexual, but only one or two are gender fluid or not cisgender. Definitely not 50%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the mom of a kick-ass middle school girl who came out to us as pansexual last year. Once I learned what pansexual meant...(ahem, I guess I'm an old lady)...I was like, cool, you be you. Just get back to me when there's an actual girlfriend/boyfriend in the picture.

The thing I am baffled by, though, is how many girls my daughter's age are queer or gender nonconforming or trans. I get sexuality is a spectrum, and gender is a spectrum, and both can be fluid, and THANK GOD that we live in a community where many teens can be comfortable in expressing and exploring these things, which is not the case for when and where I grew up.

But when I look around at all the parents of girls I know, and all the girls in my daughter's middle school, it feels like there are so many more girls than ever who are not cisgender. Maybe more than 50%?

Are there studies or research that is taking a look at the changes? Are we all that fluid and it's just been repressed in us old-timers (I'm GenX)? Or, are girls nowadays just rejecting all labels and keeping their options open for any potentiality that may come along as they navigate their lives?

This is a totally serious question.

It's just trendy, that's all. These kids are being told (appropriately) about tolerance and acceptance and they're trying on labels.

Actually being anything other than CIS is still incredibly rare, so I wouldn't worry too much.

[Anonymous]

It’s a fad. Honestly, they are all latching onto it because it’s an identity
It will sort out later. Also, social media, tic toc and Instagram are full of propaganda.
It’s seriously skewing how our kids think..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cisgender is different than heterosexual. Many people seem to be conflating the two?

Op, a number of my teen’s female friends say they’re bisexual, but only one or two are gender fluid or not cisgender. Definitely not 50%.

I'm the OP. You're right, I'm probably overly broad in my language usage. What I meant to say is: if I look at all the girls, and add up the ones who are either gender nonconforming or those who are not straight (lesbian or bi or pan) I think it's over 50%. So not many girls who both identify as girls and as straight, which was probably 95% of the girls I grew up with.

But as some here have pointed out, it does seem like girls nowadays -- or at least, girls in my daughter's peer group -- are not into being defined in the ways currently available to them.

Also, just to answer the comment, I'm not actually worried about it per se. Just curious if it's a thing and why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly think girls right now are using this as the new way to deal with the realization we all come to at puberty that being a cis-girl can s-u-c-k. I think the large numbers are a result of it being a socialization/peer pressure thing. There is no doubt there are gender-fluid, non-binary, trans people, etc etc., but it from those I know, they knew from childhood. I am interested to see where this goes over the next 10 years.

+1
I think a lot of this is girls pushing back at the objectification of women and the hyper-sexualization of girls. They are not interested in it, at all. They don’t want to be force fit into a particular mold of who and how they should be, and they certainly don’t want to hang out with people who think that way. Being bisexual or pansexual is a way to identify that, and also find a group of similar thinking people. Be yourself, be open to loving people because you like them as a person, regardless of their sex.

I think this generation is simply going to approach long term relationships differently. I wouldn’t call it a “phase”, even if a majority of currently pansexual girls eventually decide to partner with a boy. They just have a different view of the world and how to relate to other people.

This is what I see with the middle school girls in my life as well.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to the sentiments as I remember being that age and how intensely I loved my best friends, how important they were to me, etc. Boys were a strange planet and even when we wanted to go exploring, there were a lot of dangers. And uncertainties.

That being said, I'm a little less than thrilled by how much cis female, or female becomes a pejorative in this kind of culture.