Is there more gender and sexual fluidity now among teen girls?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

\

Okay. really think this through for a moment...hear the word :agenda." This is the same talk we heard in the 80s and 90s and early aughts about the "gay agenda." It's really offensive.
What/who is doing this pressuring on social media?
Because I can tell you that no LGBTQ+ person would ever want someone else to be different than who they naturally are...as people who grew up in a world in which we were not accepted for who we are, we would not and do not pressure people to embrace a fake identity.

My use of the term "woke agenda" was probably off-putting. And I apologize, poor wording on my part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

\

Okay. really think this through for a moment...hear the word :agenda." This is the same talk we heard in the 80s and 90s and early aughts about the "gay agenda." It's really offensive.
What/who is doing this pressuring on social media?
Because I can tell you that no LGBTQ+ person would ever want someone else to be different than who they naturally are...as people who grew up in a world in which we were not accepted for who we are, we would not and do not pressure people to embrace a fake identity.

NP and from what I’m observing among my 8th grader and her friends, it’s not that anyone’s pressuring per se, but that impressionable young people are spending many hours daily in online echo chambers where someone is absolutely making money by sorting kids into little marketable sub-groups. It is completely disingenuous to ignore this part of the phenomenon we’re seeing right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

\

Okay. really think this through for a moment...hear the word :agenda." This is the same talk we heard in the 80s and 90s and early aughts about the "gay agenda." It's really offensive.
What/who is doing this pressuring on social media?
Because I can tell you that no LGBTQ+ person would ever want someone else to be different than who they naturally are...as people who grew up in a world in which we were not accepted for who we are, we would not and do not pressure people to embrace a fake identity.

"what/who is pressuring on social media?" I can see my daughter's TikTok on my phone - she logged in and forgot to log out. It is flooded with LGBTQ stuff. I agree the "agenda" word is strong, but some of these inluencers with hundreds of thousands of followers are making bank. It is a real thing - lucky my dd hasn't asked for binder or worse hormone blockers or going down that road. It's a big problem, if you have a teen girl and don't see this you are not paying attention. Even the most progressive LGBTQ folks and LGBTQ allies know this. The interwebs are a dark place.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that what is happening is trendy - I think gender and sexual fluidity is here to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

Your wants are valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

Your wants are valid.

+1.
This is really hard. My tween lesbian daughter has not (yet) expressed a desire to identify as trans or non-binary, but I know this is just around the corner in terms of getting to the age where this is happening with a lot of girls, including several daughters of my close friends.
It is hard because on one hand as a parent is your job to be truthful and honest to your kid. They need boundaries. That is what being a parent is for. I hope there is a way that you can let your daughter know that You acknowledge her feelings, but that you see things differently.
But we also know how teens are. By making things off limits, they want it even more. Maybe the best course of action is to be as neutral as possible, stand your ground when it comes to things like binders and medication, but don’t fuss at all about things like clothes or hairstyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

Your wants are valid.

+1.
This is really hard. My tween lesbian daughter has not (yet) expressed a desire to identify as trans or non-binary, but I know this is just around the corner in terms of getting to the age where this is happening with a lot of girls, including several daughters of my close friends.
It is hard because on one hand as a parent is your job to be truthful and honest to your kid. They need boundaries. That is what being a parent is for. I hope there is a way that you can let your daughter know that You acknowledge her feelings, but that you see things differently.
But we also know how teens are. By making things off limits, they want it even more. Maybe the best course of action is to be as neutral as possible, stand your ground when it comes to things like binders and medication, but don’t fuss at all about things like clothes or hairstyle.

+1. Similar to if your child went Goth or Punk, you most likely wouldn't fuss over their hairstyle or clothes.

From what I am observing, the NB/Trans kids I know either have autism, on the spectrum or while not on the spectrum there is something socially immature (?) about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

Your wants are valid.

+1.
This is really hard. My tween lesbian daughter has not (yet) expressed a desire to identify as trans or non-binary, but I know this is just around the corner in terms of getting to the age where this is happening with a lot of girls, including several daughters of my close friends.
It is hard because on one hand as a parent is your job to be truthful and honest to your kid. They need boundaries. That is what being a parent is for. I hope there is a way that you can let your daughter know that You acknowledge her feelings, but that you see things differently.
But we also know how teens are. By making things off limits, they want it even more. Maybe the best course of action is to be as neutral as possible, stand your ground when it comes to things like binders and medication, but don’t fuss at all about things like clothes or hairstyle.

+1. Similar to if your child went Goth or Punk, you most likely wouldn't fuss over their hairstyle or clothes.

From what I am observing, the NB/Trans kids I know either have autism, on the spectrum or while not on the spectrum there is something socially immature (?) about them.

I'm the crier here, and you are correct, my DD has adhd. And so she feels a little different, but I hate that she automatically drops herself in this category because it's there and it's easy and convenient. She is socially immature, likes Kpop and squishmellows and is into stickers. I don't even know if she has ever spoken to a non-queer boy. Going to good school in fall, and she just told me that the suite of roommates (3 others) she found online are all queer/nb. She just eats this up and loves to feel part of something. Peer pressure is real, and i'm concerned.
Every time i remotely try to engage in nb/queer converstation it doesn't go well. So i won't. And like you said by making things off limits makes her want more. I'll be neutral, just like you said, and hope she figures out her own way. It's hard to be supportive when I am just so skeptical. I really don't see any trans stuff coming, but she always manages to surprise me in just the wrong way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

Your wants are valid.

+1.
This is really hard. My tween lesbian daughter has not (yet) expressed a desire to identify as trans or non-binary, but I know this is just around the corner in terms of getting to the age where this is happening with a lot of girls, including several daughters of my close friends.
It is hard because on one hand as a parent is your job to be truthful and honest to your kid. They need boundaries. That is what being a parent is for. I hope there is a way that you can let your daughter know that You acknowledge her feelings, but that you see things differently.
But we also know how teens are. By making things off limits, they want it even more. Maybe the best course of action is to be as neutral as possible, stand your ground when it comes to things like binders and medication, but don’t fuss at all about things like clothes or hairstyle.

+1. Similar to if your child went Goth or Punk, you most likely wouldn't fuss over their hairstyle or clothes.

From what I am observing, the NB/Trans kids I know either have autism, on the spectrum or while not on the spectrum there is something socially immature (?) about them.

I'm the crier here, and you are correct, my DD has adhd. And so she feels a little different, but I hate that she automatically drops herself in this category because it's there and it's easy and convenient. She is socially immature, likes Kpop and squishmellows and is into stickers. I don't even know if she has ever spoken to a non-queer boy. Going to good school in fall, and she just told me that the suite of roommates (3 others) she found online are all queer/nb. She just eats this up and loves to feel part of something. Peer pressure is real, and i'm concerned.
Every time i remotely try to engage in nb/queer converstation it doesn't go well. So i won't. And like you said by making things off limits makes her want more. I'll be neutral, just like you said, and hope she figures out her own way. It's hard to be supportive when I am just so skeptical. I really don't see any trans stuff coming, but she always manages to surprise me in just the wrong way.

I'm the poster you quoted and I was not surprised when you said your dd had ADHD and she feels a little different and likes to feel like part of something. I think that is a lot of it with these kids. They are autistic/adhd/on the spectrum and feel different. They see on TikTok these people willing to welcome them into their "group" of other NB/trans kids and kids like your daughter want to belong to something. The combination of thinking "hey, maybe I'm different because I'm really trans" plus finding a group willing to accept them is powerful stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Similar thread in teens an tweens forum now. I posted this there yesterday. I know people will think I’m being over dramatic but whatever. It’s an anonymous forum so here’s the real me.

My daughter has started they/them pronouns and I’m having a hard time with it. She is 18 and I feel like it’s a lot different then being 11 or 12. I’m suspicious that too many Instagram or TikTok influencers are getting to her. Personally I don’t like this whole part of the “woke” agenda and I’ll only come across as being a Trumper (Hell no, I’m not) if I say anything. So I say nothing, and secretly cry because I want my beautiful daughter to be a girl.

Your wants are valid.

+1.
This is really hard. My tween lesbian daughter has not (yet) expressed a desire to identify as trans or non-binary, but I know this is just around the corner in terms of getting to the age where this is happening with a lot of girls, including several daughters of my close friends.
It is hard because on one hand as a parent is your job to be truthful and honest to your kid. They need boundaries. That is what being a parent is for. I hope there is a way that you can let your daughter know that You acknowledge her feelings, but that you see things differently.
But we also know how teens are. By making things off limits, they want it even more. Maybe the best course of action is to be as neutral as possible, stand your ground when it comes to things like binders and medication, but don’t fuss at all about things like clothes or hairstyle.

+1. Similar to if your child went Goth or Punk, you most likely wouldn't fuss over their hairstyle or clothes.

From what I am observing, the NB/Trans kids I know either have autism, on the spectrum or while not on the spectrum there is something socially immature (?) about them.

I'm the crier here, and you are correct, my DD has adhd. And so she feels a little different, but I hate that she automatically drops herself in this category because it's there and it's easy and convenient. She is socially immature, likes Kpop and squishmellows and is into stickers. I don't even know if she has ever spoken to a non-queer boy. Going to good school in fall, and she just told me that the suite of roommates (3 others) she found online are all queer/nb. She just eats this up and loves to feel part of something. Peer pressure is real, and i'm concerned.
Every time i remotely try to engage in nb/queer converstation it doesn't go well. So i won't. And like you said by making things off limits makes her want more. I'll be neutral, just like you said, and hope she figures out her own way. It's hard to be supportive when I am just so skeptical. I really don't see any trans stuff coming, but she always manages to surprise me in just the wrong way.

I'm the poster you quoted and I was not surprised when you said your dd had ADHD and she feels a little different and likes to feel like part of something. I think that is a lot of it with these kids. They are autistic/adhd/on the spectrum and feel different. They see on TikTok these people willing to welcome them into their "group" of other NB/trans kids and kids like your daughter want to belong to something. The combination of thinking "hey, maybe I'm different because I'm really trans" plus finding a group willing to accept them is powerful stuff.

This is an EXCELLENT description of what’s going on.

[Anonymous]

So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

What are the consequences of her being wrong? Accidentally having gay sex? She’ll be fine. If the shoe doesn’t fit she’ll be the one to take it off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

What are the consequences of her being wrong? Accidentally having gay sex? She’ll be fine. If the shoe doesn’t fit she’ll be the one to take it off.

I like that response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

What are the consequences of her being wrong? Accidentally having gay sex? She’ll be fine. If the shoe doesn’t fit she’ll be the one to take it off.

I like that response.

In my kid’s case, it’s dangerous hormones. In others, it can be irreversible surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So how does one be supportive when they are skeptical? I feel like my 18 yr old daughter is all about being gay right now. In fact, it's the only thing she is about. I can see her instagram and have seen a few random texts. She is constantly "liking" queer IG posts, and texting the pride flag in almost every text. Like almost it's a joke it is so much.

I know there is no one path for sexuality, but forgive me for doubting when the path is no questionig at all, then covid, and then endless tiktok. It's almost like "doth protest too much" only the opposite.

What are the consequences of her being wrong? Accidentally having gay sex? She’ll be fine. If the shoe doesn’t fit she’ll be the one to take it off.

I like that response.

In my kid’s case, it’s dangerous hormones. In others, it can be irreversible surgery.

Neither of which are remotely related to the post you’re responding to. PP isn’t concerned about her daughter being trans.