Friends family made cruel remarks about 4.5 yr old wearing pull-ups at night

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

+1, and I say this as someone who wet the bed until I was 10 and was treated like I was doing it on purpose for attention, and who has an almost-5 yr old in pull ups and no sign of moving out if them.

People are jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that PP’s are fixating on a preschooler wearing a pull-up around close friends. Ignore them PP.

A 12 or 13 confronting a 4 year old like that for wearing a diaper is rude and unkind. How strange. It’s hard to even imagine unless she’s autistic or intellectually disabled and thus genuinely confused/curious why a child who isn’t a baby would wear a diaper, and doesn’t understand why it’s impolite to point out.

Why? Elder siblings make fun of younger siblings all the time. Its probably a joke in her middle school to differentiate themselves from 'babies'. However OP expecting someone else's kid to not mention their child running around in a pull-up when they're probably not used to the sight is a bit much.

Idk, all the tweens/teens around that age that my family knows are either very sweet to my preschool kid because they’re so much older, or just kind of ignore them completely. I can see a 7-8 year old making fun of a 4 year old do differentiate themself from being a baby, but not an 8th grader. Very strange for a kid that age to be compelled to put a little kid down like that.

This. Our 8th grader would never say things like that to a preschooler. The friend’s daughter is either cruel or has some serious issues with social skills.

[Anonymous]

Maybe I’m in the minority here, but i think an 8th grader absolutely knows better. That was never a comment meant to be kind - it’s mean and it’s intentionally mean. I’d be so angry with my 8th grade DD if she did something like that (and she never would because it’s obviously incredibly rude).

That being said, I’d probably take her aside to yell at her or do it in private, partly to try to avoid drawing more attention to a sensitive issue. So I’d probably never have said a word to you, But she’d also definitely never ever do it again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m in the minority here, but i think an 8th grader absolutely knows better. That was never a comment meant to be kind - it’s mean and it’s intentionally mean. I’d be so angry with my 8th grade DD if she did something like that (and she never would because it’s obviously incredibly rude).

That being said, I’d probably take her aside to yell at her or do it in private, partly to try to avoid drawing more attention to a sensitive issue. So I’d probably never have said a word to you, But she’d also definitely never ever do it again.

I have two eighth grade daughters, one of whom is on the spectrum, and they’d both know better than to say something like that to a preschooler. They’d think very little of someone their age who did that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh wow. Sitting here laughing a bit. A lot of the posters here would probably be SHOCKED at the state of my house around bedtime.

If it's considered taboo for a 4 year old to be running around in just a pull-up before bed, then WOW am I in trouble.

I have 4 boys, ages 3 to 11, middle two are twins, and they all insist on pretty much wearing just their underwear in the evenings.

The three youngest still wear pull-ups or diapers at night, and yes--*gasp*--I realize this is scandalous! But yes, they do typically wear JUST a diaper around family and even friends.

If we're close enough friends to be staying the night with you, then we're close enough that I don't care if you see my kids in underwear/diapers etc.

If another kid gave any of my boys a hard time about wearing a pull-up for bedtime, I can almost guarantee they'd not care, at ALL, and brush it off like it was nothing.

You're overreacting OP, this isn't a big deal if your kid isn't bothered.

One of the most sensible comments on this thread.

3 boys under 6 here. What is with these boys and not keeping their clothes on?! I, too, would not be close friends with someone who was scandalized seeing my 4y/o not fully dressed before bed. I also don’t think there was ill intent in the comment. Brush it off and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird that PP’s are fixating on a preschooler wearing a pull-up around close friends. Ignore them PP.

A 12 or 13 confronting a 4 year old like that for wearing a diaper is rude and unkind. How strange. It’s hard to even imagine unless she’s autistic or intellectually disabled and thus genuinely confused/curious why a child who isn’t a baby would wear a diaper, and doesn’t understand why it’s impolite to point out.

Why? Elder siblings make fun of younger siblings all the time. Its probably a joke in her middle school to differentiate themselves from 'babies'. However OP expecting someone else's kid to not mention their child running around in a pull-up when they're probably not used to the sight is a bit much.

Idk, all the tweens/teens around that age that my family knows are either very sweet to my preschool kid because they’re so much older, or just kind of ignore them completely. I can see a 7-8 year old making fun of a 4 year old do differentiate themself from being a baby, but not an 8th grader. Very strange for a kid that age to be compelled to put a little kid down like that.

This. Our 8th grader would never say things like that to a preschooler. The friend’s daughter is either cruel or has some serious issues with social skills.

+2. 8th grade is extremely old for “I’m not a baby” comments. My 4y/o makes comments about not being a baby. A teenager is very clearly not a baby and would not be making comments to differentiate themselves from one. I also can’t imagine them shocked to see a young child in a pull up or diaper.

[Anonymous]

I'm shocked by all the posters saying the 4 YO little girl was cruel. Kids comment on differences. Most kids are giving up nighttime diapers at this time but not all. I know that not all kids are on the same time line but I wouldn't expect a 4 YO who is night trained to know that not all other kids are. I think you need to grow a thicker skin and teach your son the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked by all the posters saying the 4 YO little girl was cruel. Kids comment on differences. Most kids are giving up nighttime diapers at this time but not all. I know that not all kids are on the same time line but I wouldn't expect a 4 YO who is night trained to know that not all other kids are. I think you need to grow a thicker skin and teach your son the same thing.

The comment was made by an 8th grader.

[Anonymous]

The kids behaved normally. The girl was rude but it may have been addressed in private. My son teased a younger boy at the playground. I wanted to talk with him right away but with an audience of his friends his humiliation would have been worse than his teasing. After we had time alone, we discussed how he would want older friends to treat him and how he made the little one feel. I am sure he will be nicer to the boy now versus if I embarassed him and gave him a reason the resent the other kid.

[Anonymous]

This does not have to be a big deal. Just let the teen know, gently and kindly, not to bring up the diaper as DC is still working on overnight potty training and you don’t want him feeling self conscious. I’m sure she wasn’t trying to be cruel and it’s no big deal that your son is still struggling to stay dry overnight. This is a non issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids behaved normally. The girl was rude but it may have been addressed in private. My son teased a younger boy at the playground. I wanted to talk with him right away but with an audience of his friends his humiliation would have been worse than his teasing. After we had time alone, we discussed how he would want older friends to treat him and how he made the little one feel. I am sure he will be nicer to the boy now versus if I embarassed him and gave him a reason the resent the other kid.

Why wasn’t taking him aside and addressing the issue quietly, so his friends couldn’t hear, an option? Or at least a real time vague, general reminder to play nicely? If my child is being mean, I’m not going to place her comfort above her victim’s. At times like this, I say I have a question for dd or I need her help for a second and then we distance ourselves and I correct her in the moment. Your kid feeling guilty later, when they can’t go back and change their behavior doesn’t help anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids behaved normally. The girl was rude but it may have been addressed in private. My son teased a younger boy at the playground. I wanted to talk with him right away but with an audience of his friends his humiliation would have been worse than his teasing. After we had time alone, we discussed how he would want older friends to treat him and how he made the little one feel. I am sure he will be nicer to the boy now versus if I embarassed him and gave him a reason the resent the other kid.

Why wasn’t taking him aside and addressing the issue quietly, so his friends couldn’t hear, an option? Or at least a real time vague, general reminder to play nicely? If my child is being mean, I’m not going to place her comfort above her victim’s. At times like this, I say I have a question for dd or I need her help for a second and then we distance ourselves and I correct her in the moment. Your kid feeling guilty later, when they can’t go back and change their behavior doesn’t help anyone.

The teasing was very light ("look Joey fell and got muddy") and my inserting myself into the gaggle of kids to pull him off would be ridiculous over that. I usually tend towards not micromanaging every slight in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids behaved normally. The girl was rude but it may have been addressed in private. My son teased a younger boy at the playground. I wanted to talk with him right away but with an audience of his friends his humiliation would have been worse than his teasing. After we had time alone, we discussed how he would want older friends to treat him and how he made the little one feel. I am sure he will be nicer to the boy now versus if I embarassed him and gave him a reason the resent the other kid.

Why wasn’t taking him aside and addressing the issue quietly, so his friends couldn’t hear, an option? Or at least a real time vague, general reminder to play nicely? If my child is being mean, I’m not going to place her comfort above her victim’s. At times like this, I say I have a question for dd or I need her help for a second and then we distance ourselves and I correct her in the moment. Your kid feeling guilty later, when they can’t go back and change their behavior doesn’t help anyone.

The teasing was very light ("look Joey fell and got muddy") and my inserting myself into the gaggle of kids to pull him off would be ridiculous over that. I usually tend towards not micromanaging every slight in the moment.

I think the girls parents were thinking if they chastised her immediately it would compound his embarassment by drawing more attention to her comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your five year old in a diaper? A pull up is a diaper.

I am surprised there are so many ignorant people out there who don't realize that it's a hormonal change that happens in childhood that makes you produce less urine overnight (hence not peeing all night long like you pee all day long). You can't "train" your way into that development. It just happens. For many kids, at age 2 or 3. For some kids, not until age 9. Bedwetting is SO normal, especially in boys. And there is absolutely a genetic component. It's not a behavioral issue. It's like making fun of a kid for using an inhaler and asking why he can't just breathe normally without it like everyone else. I swear, some adults are worse than kids.

Is there a hormonal or genetic reason why he can’t wear pants or shorts?

It’s flat out weird to have kids walking around in their underwear (and especially their diapers!) in front of other people.