Are you afraid to mention a Black person’s tan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

Do you mean "your" skin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

Do you mean "your" skin?

No, I didn’t, actually.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would I care about you or your skin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

Do you mean "your" skin?

No, I didn’t, actually.

Ok. I'm just trying to understand your point. Is it essentially "we rarely try to darken our skin on purpose so you shouldn't comment on it"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

No, actually tanning is not “very easy to avoid”. I tan deeply and noticeably when I slather myself with SPF 70 sunscreen. I have not tried slathering myself with whatever Mark Zuckerberg uses for reasons that are probably obvious, including not being “easy” or remotely comfortable or attractive.

So, even if you’re green, your assumptions, likely based only on your own personal experiences, are incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

My best friend from middle and high school was light skin black and went to tan at the tanning beds and by the pool. Her mom too.

Doubt they would do that now given better info about skin cancer, but intentional tanning does occur because not all Black people are the same.

On the flip side, my former darker skin boyfriend hated being out in the sun and getting more tan.

I would stay quiet unless you knew the person well enough to have open conversations about skin color in POC communities.

[Anonymous]

Due to colorism within the Black race, as a lighter skinned Black woman, I too stray away from commenting on color. It would be perceived wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

My best friend from middle and high school was light skin black and went to tan at the tanning beds and by the pool. Her mom too.

Doubt they would do that now given better info about skin cancer, but intentional tanning does occur because not all Black people are the same.

On the flip side, my former darker skin boyfriend hated being out in the sun and getting more tan.

I would stay quiet unless you knew the person well enough to have open conversations about skin color in POC communities.

This is very true. I know of many who avoid the sun altogether for this reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.

[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

My best friend from middle and high school was light skin black and went to tan at the tanning beds and by the pool. Her mom too.

Doubt they would do that now given better info about skin cancer, but intentional tanning does occur because not all Black people are the same.

On the flip side, my former darker skin boyfriend hated being out in the sun and getting more tan.

I would stay quiet unless you knew the person well enough to have open conversations about skin color in POC communities.

I stand corrected. I guess there are 2.

j/k

Yes, there are some. But, it’s traditionally not a Black person’s habit. I think that’s fair to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

No, actually tanning is not “very easy to avoid”. I tan deeply and noticeably when I slather myself with SPF 70 sunscreen. I have not tried slathering myself with whatever Mark Zuckerberg uses for reasons that are probably obvious, including not being “easy” or remotely comfortable or attractive.

So, even if you’re green, your assumptions, likely based only on your own personal experiences, are incorrect.

Ok, I get that. But, again -- and I'm not sure how many times I need to say this -- I'm talking about a friend. Presumably you know, generally, what your friend is or is not into and whether your friend is or is not the type of person who tans easily, wants to tan easily, or wants to avoid tanning easily but can't. And you conduct yourself accordingly. And if you make a mistake in something you say to a friend, hopefully that friend lets you know you've made a mistake and you apologize and that's that.

So many thin-skinned people out there. No pun intended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

No, actually tanning is not “very easy to avoid”. I tan deeply and noticeably when I slather myself with SPF 70 sunscreen. I have not tried slathering myself with whatever Mark Zuckerberg uses for reasons that are probably obvious, including not being “easy” or remotely comfortable or attractive.

So, even if you’re green, your assumptions, likely based only on your own personal experiences, are incorrect.

I'm basically see through but one of my kids is darker skinned thanks to my husband’s genes. I put the exact same sunscreen on all of the kids- the ghostly ones like me stay ghostly plus some freckles while the darker one gets golden brown. So yeah some people are going to tan through sunscreen, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

No, actually tanning is not “very easy to avoid”. I tan deeply and noticeably when I slather myself with SPF 70 sunscreen. I have not tried slathering myself with whatever Mark Zuckerberg uses for reasons that are probably obvious, including not being “easy” or remotely comfortable or attractive.

So, even if you’re green, your assumptions, likely based only on your own personal experiences, are incorrect.

I'm basically see through but one of my kids is darker skinned thanks to my husband’s genes. I put the exact same sunscreen on all of the kids- the ghostly ones like me stay ghostly plus some freckles while the darker one gets golden brown. So yeah some people are going to tan through sunscreen, PP.

Right. I get it, as I said. DCUM is friggin' exhausting. Everybody is always so ready for a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]

This why no one should comment on anyone’s skin color.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m afraid to say anything about anything.

Me too. Then you get accused of being too quiet.

[Anonymous]

I'm white. It takes a lot to offend me and in my experience it takes a lot to offend most reasonable people of any race. Of course there's a whole culture/subset of the easily offended and those looking to be offended, but that's not most people.