Are you afraid to mention a Black person’s tan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

I think it's a huge leap for you to make that assumption. It's not hard to keep ypur mouth closed, not every thing needs a comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an old white guy. My next door neighbor is an old black guy. He once saw me on my front stoop holding my year-old grandson who was only wearing a diaper. He laughed and yelled over the fence: "that's the biggest, whitest baby I've ever seen!" I yelled back "you should see his father!"

He's pretty light skinned, and if he ever went to the beach and came back with a tan I'm sure I'd notice and if I did I'd absolutely say something. We'd laugh about that too.

Folks need to chill out.

That's because you have a report with him. If he were a coworker or casual acquaintance, I doubt the two of you would be that comfortable.

It’s “rapport”.

Thank you. I do know this but had a brain fart. I appreciate the correction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*Debbie Downer Warning*

I don’t compliment anyone of any race on their tan, because it is a sign of skin damage, and as a skin cancer survivor I worry about others going through what I did.

Right? In high school in the 80s I would have commented on someone’s tan but now tanning is just a sign of carelessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't comment on skin color, that's weird.

Excactly! How do people not understand that it's bad manners to comment on other people's bodies! For reference you also don't comment about weight loss/gain, breast size, butt size etc

[Anonymous]

I'm a white person and I would probably not mention a black person's tan. Just seems like something that could be awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

This seems like the racist white version of mansplaining.

*DP*

[Anonymous]

No because I'm not observant-- I've complimented people on new hairstyles (ended up being *not* new, just the first time I noticed).
On one memorable, awful occasion I asked an acquaintance when she was due (she wasn't pregnant, had just gained a significant amount of weight around her middle since I saw her last). Yeah, there are actually idiots who say things like that because they don't pay attention.
I would totally screw up complimenting anyone on a tan, let alone a Black person.
I no longer compliment anyone on anything except that they "look nice," or "great outfit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*Debbie Downer Warning*

I don’t compliment anyone of any race on their tan, because it is a sign of skin damage, and as a skin cancer survivor I worry about others going through what I did.

Right? In high school in the 80s I would have commented on someone’s tan but now tanning is just a sign of carelessness.

We’re not talking about tanning. We’re talking about getting a tan while on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No because I'm not observant-- I've complimented people on new hairstyles (ended up being *not* new, just the first time I noticed).
On one memorable, awful occasion I asked an acquaintance when she was due (she wasn't pregnant, had just gained a significant amount of weight around her middle since I saw her last). Yeah, there are actually idiots who say things like that because they don't pay attention.
I would totally screw up complimenting anyone on a tan, let alone a Black person.
I no longer compliment anyone on anything except that they "look nice," or "great outfit."

OUCH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No because I'm not observant-- I've complimented people on new hairstyles (ended up being *not* new, just the first time I noticed).
On one memorable, awful occasion I asked an acquaintance when she was due (she wasn't pregnant, had just gained a significant amount of weight around her middle since I saw her last). Yeah, there are actually idiots who say things like that because they don't pay attention.
I would totally screw up complimenting anyone on a tan, let alone a Black person.
I no longer compliment anyone on anything except that they "look nice," or "great outfit."

OUCH!

pp here-- I know...and the effect was beyond a faux pas--her feelings were so hurt. It was years ago and I still cringe when I think about it. My DH was with me when I said it, and was mortified and angry that I was so thoughtless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like commenting on black people's skin tone is one of those things I am willing to give up to avoid the possibility of being an asshole. Costs/benefits.

You need more black friends. You might discover that they're more reasonable than you think.

👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽👆🏽

Not wanting someone to comment on our skin color does not make us unreasonable.

Well, you're not being unreasonable for thinking that, but you're being unreasonable for purposes of this thread.

No one is saying it's cool to just say randomly to a black person: "gee, I just looove the color of your skin." We're talking about a situation where a friend who is black goes to the beach and comes back with a tan. If you don't want to get a tan when you're at the beach -- whether you're black or white -- it's very easy to avoid. So if you go to the beach and come back with a different skin tone, it's likely because you wanted it. And if I think you're looking good, I'll say something. I don't care if you're black, white, or green.

I think it's a huge leap for you to make that assumption. It's not hard to keep ypur mouth closed, not every thing needs a comment.

I wrote this. Like everything that is ever done or said in life, it needs to (or should) be taken in context. I provided the context. I said we are talking about friends. I see no need to "keep my mouth shut" when it comes to friends.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say anything other than “you look great”

[Anonymous]

Though I might notice that you lost weight or have a new and terrible haircut, I don’t comment on anyone’s body. I might say I like your shoes or your hat. Race is not a factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Black.

Please don’t say that. You sound ignorant.

I’m Black PP.

This is something I noticed about white/Black people over the years. I notice white people frequently mention other white people’s tans, but they hesitate to mention those of Black people.

I just wonder if it’s a conscious thing. I actually wouldn’t mind someone (Black or white) mentioning my tan. I tan very easily, and I like it. It just seems like some white people actively avoid mentioning Black folks’ tans. I’m wondering if I’m off base in thinking this.



[OP]

I'm white and I used to mention people's tans 30 years ago when it was cool. But we've really been conditioned to think of tanning as unhealthy. As someone who's super-fair and has a family history of skin cancer, I am not impressed with people's tans and certainly don't comment on them. Now, maybe that's different for people with darker complexions. But I thought you can get skin cancer too. Just not as often.

Anyway, that's why this 50-something white woman never comments on anyone's sun damage.

Of course we can get skin cancer.

To the white people: I don’t know any Black people who go “tanning,” which I think of as intentionally sitting in the sun to get dark…or, God forbid, going to a tanning salon.

That’s not what this is. This is simply getting tanned while on vacation. I never sit out in the sun for the fun of it, and I always wear sun protection. As I said, I tan easily. It happens to me during any vacation that involves being outside. I know that happens to other Black people, too.

So, our returning home with a tan doesn’t involve your antiquated habits of intentionally trying to darken our skin….for the vast majority of (if not all) Black people.

[OP]