Are you afraid to mention a Black person’s tan?

[Anonymous]

I'm brown. I've had a white co-worker tell me they were heading off to the Virgin Islands and looking forward to getting a tan and coming back brown.

It was awkward for me, but went right over their head. If it was a close friend, I would have cracked a joke about it, but felt awkward from a co-worker.

I reflected on why that made me feel that way and other than the obvious color factor, I think it's harder in the workplace where there are already advantages to being white and then to have someone with those advantages joke about hoping to come back brown leaves a bad feeling that is hard to put into words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown. I've had a white co-worker tell me they were heading off to the Virgin Islands and looking forward to getting a tan and coming back brown.

It was awkward for me, but went right over their head. If it was a close friend, I would have cracked a joke about it, but felt awkward from a co-worker.

I reflected on why that made me feel that way and other than the obvious color factor, I think it's harder in the workplace where there are already advantages to being white and then to have someone with those advantages joke about hoping to come back brown leaves a bad feeling that is hard to put into words.

Totally understandable, PP.

Hmmm, I’m trying to remember if anyone’s ever said that to me. I don’t think so. That person’s wording was definitely awkward….

I’ll think about this.
[OP]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown. I've had a white co-worker tell me they were heading off to the Virgin Islands and looking forward to getting a tan and coming back brown.

It was awkward for me, but went right over their head. If it was a close friend, I would have cracked a joke about it, but felt awkward from a co-worker.

I reflected on why that made me feel that way and other than the obvious color factor, I think it's harder in the workplace where there are already advantages to being white and then to have someone with those advantages joke about hoping to come back brown leaves a bad feeling that is hard to put into words.

Jesus Christ. Sometimes you need to ask yourself if you’re overthinking things and making life more complicated for yourself and others. For some white people who tan very deeply, they turn a color that they consider brown. That’s all they’re talking about. This isn’t a micro aggression. This isn’t some thing you need to perceive as a comment on our racial history. They’re just looking forward to getting a tan and having their skin go from light to a bit browner. Can we just cut people some slack and not try to enjoy feeling slighted by the smallest things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown. I've had a white co-worker tell me they were heading off to the Virgin Islands and looking forward to getting a tan and coming back brown.

It was awkward for me, but went right over their head. If it was a close friend, I would have cracked a joke about it, but felt awkward from a co-worker.

I reflected on why that made me feel that way and other than the obvious color factor, I think it's harder in the workplace where there are already advantages to being white and then to have someone with those advantages joke about hoping to come back brown leaves a bad feeling that is hard to put into words.

Jesus Christ. Sometimes you need to ask yourself if you’re overthinking things and making life more complicated for yourself and others. For some white people who tan very deeply, they turn a color that they consider brown. That’s all they’re talking about. This isn’t a micro aggression. This isn’t some thing you need to perceive as a comment on our racial history. They’re just looking forward to getting a tan and having their skin go from light to a bit browner. Can we just cut people some slack and not try to enjoy feeling slighted by the smallest things?

My closest friend is half Guyanese and half WASP. She identifies as brown. The thing is that depending on which of us is tanned and which isn't, we're often the same color. She is very sensitive about being brown though, and I need to be extremely careful about what I say. I get quite dark during the summer but god help me if I call it "brown", even though...it is brown. I love her, but man it's exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown and I tan. I wouldn't be offended if someone mentioned it but it would be a little weird and awkward. Maybe that's my reaction because I generally refrain from commenting on people's appearances at work, unless I am very close with them (i.e. I consider them a personal friend, not just a colleague or work friend). Given that the comment may not be received well or be awkward, I don't see the cost-benefit of it being worthwhile.

I get that, PP.

I’d expect my close-contact co-workers to mention it…only because I consider them friends and they obviously know when I vacation.

Admittedly, (as a Black PP said) people are prickly these days, so I can’t really fault a white person for staying quiet.


[OP]

You would be an extinct race if you had to deal with all we have to deal with on a daily basis and have dealt with since you stole us from our home and used and abused us. (No Karen, there is not such thing as a happy enslaved person). You are really lucky that all we are is prickly. You lack insight.

I’m Black, but OK.

[OP]

I am Black too. You must be light skinned. Why is your question even a question?

Does my being light skinned make me less Black to you?

I asked the Q because I wanted to know if I’m right in thinking white people are making a point to not mention a Black person’s (my) tan. As I said many times in this thread, I understand if that’s true….but, it isn’t necessary for me. I tend to be chill about things like that.

Well then, you must be “the very unusual Black person” a PP referred to a little upthread. Should you be afraid to ask questions because of your skin tone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown and I tan. I wouldn't be offended if someone mentioned it but it would be a little weird and awkward. Maybe that's my reaction because I generally refrain from commenting on people's appearances at work, unless I am very close with them (i.e. I consider them a personal friend, not just a colleague or work friend). Given that the comment may not be received well or be awkward, I don't see the cost-benefit of it being worthwhile.

I get that, PP.

I’d expect my close-contact co-workers to mention it…only because I consider them friends and they obviously know when I vacation.

Admittedly, (as a Black PP said) people are prickly these days, so I can’t really fault a white person for staying quiet.


[OP]

You would be an extinct race if you had to deal with all we have to deal with on a daily basis and have dealt with since you stole us from our home and used and abused us. (No Karen, there is not such thing as a happy enslaved person). You are really lucky that all we are is prickly. You lack insight.

I’m Black, but OK.

[OP]

I am Black too. You must be light skinned. Why is your question even a question?

Does my being light skinned make me less Black to you?

I asked the Q because I wanted to know if I’m right in thinking white people are making a point to not mention a Black person’s (my) tan. As I said many times in this thread, I understand if that’s true….but, it isn’t necessary for me. I tend to be chill about things like that.

Well then, you must be “the very unusual Black person” a PP referred to a little upthread. Should you be afraid to ask questions because of your skin tone?

That PP is a moron.

Care to explain why you think I’m a very unusual Black person?

I’m not afraid to ask questions because of my skin tone. I don’t even understand why you say that. Are you confused?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown. I've had a white co-worker tell me they were heading off to the Virgin Islands and looking forward to getting a tan and coming back brown.

It was awkward for me, but went right over their head. If it was a close friend, I would have cracked a joke about it, but felt awkward from a co-worker.

I reflected on why that made me feel that way and other than the obvious color factor, I think it's harder in the workplace where there are already advantages to being white and then to have someone with those advantages joke about hoping to come back brown leaves a bad feeling that is hard to put into words.

Jesus Christ. Sometimes you need to ask yourself if you’re overthinking things and making life more complicated for yourself and others. For some white people who tan very deeply, they turn a color that they consider brown. That’s all they’re talking about. This isn’t a micro aggression. This isn’t some thing you need to perceive as a comment on our racial history. They’re just looking forward to getting a tan and having their skin go from light to a bit browner. Can we just cut people some slack and not try to enjoy feeling slighted by the smallest things?

This is exactly why black people keep their mouths shut…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would I care about you or your skin?

Sometimes it can be informative or just fun conversation.
My Taiwanese friend at work was always trying to avoid the sun because her mother said she should. She and my light-skinned black male co-worker would always be comparing their arms in the summer. They were pretty much the exact same shade, with one getting tanned first and the other catching up. She never burned but he did and had to be more careful when vacationing in the Caribbean. And a black co-worker was surprised when my freckles popped out in the summer and faded in the winter; he assumed they were permanent. This was a few years ago, but it seems refreshing now that my co-workers were so unafraid to discuss skin tone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown and I tan. I wouldn't be offended if someone mentioned it but it would be a little weird and awkward. Maybe that's my reaction because I generally refrain from commenting on people's appearances at work, unless I am very close with them (i.e. I consider them a personal friend, not just a colleague or work friend). Given that the comment may not be received well or be awkward, I don't see the cost-benefit of it being worthwhile.

I get that, PP.

I’d expect my close-contact co-workers to mention it…only because I consider them friends and they obviously know when I vacation.

Admittedly, (as a Black PP said) people are prickly these days, so I can’t really fault a white person for staying quiet.


[OP]

You would be an extinct race if you had to deal with all we have to deal with on a daily basis and have dealt with since you stole us from our home and used and abused us. (No Karen, there is not such thing as a happy enslaved person). You are really lucky that all we are is prickly. You lack insight.

I’m Black, but OK.

[OP]

I am Black too. You must be light skinned. Why is your question even a question?

Does my being light skinned make me less Black to you?

I asked the Q because I wanted to know if I’m right in thinking white people are making a point to not mention a Black person’s (my) tan. As I said many times in this thread, I understand if that’s true….but, it isn’t necessary for me. I tend to be chill about things like that.

Well then, you must be “the very unusual Black person” a PP referred to a little upthread. Should you be afraid to ask questions because of your skin tone?

That PP is a moron.

Care to explain why you think I’m a very unusual Black person?

I’m not afraid to ask questions because of my skin tone. I don’t even understand why you say that. Are you confused?

You toss words like moron around easily. You must know what it is to be one. Are you the OP who started this post? That's who I"m referring to. and I don't buy the idea that they are black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown and I tan. I wouldn't be offended if someone mentioned it but it would be a little weird and awkward. Maybe that's my reaction because I generally refrain from commenting on people's appearances at work, unless I am very close with them (i.e. I consider them a personal friend, not just a colleague or work friend). Given that the comment may not be received well or be awkward, I don't see the cost-benefit of it being worthwhile.

I get that, PP.

I’d expect my close-contact co-workers to mention it…only because I consider them friends and they obviously know when I vacation.

Admittedly, (as a Black PP said) people are prickly these days, so I can’t really fault a white person for staying quiet.


[OP]

You would be an extinct race if you had to deal with all we have to deal with on a daily basis and have dealt with since you stole us from our home and used and abused us. (No Karen, there is not such thing as a happy enslaved person). You are really lucky that all we are is prickly. You lack insight.

I’m Black, but OK.

[OP]

I am Black too. You must be light skinned. Why is your question even a question?

Does my being light skinned make me less Black to you?

I asked the Q because I wanted to know if I’m right in thinking white people are making a point to not mention a Black person’s (my) tan. As I said many times in this thread, I understand if that’s true….but, it isn’t necessary for me. I tend to be chill about things like that.

Well then, you must be “the very unusual Black person” a PP referred to a little upthread. Should you be afraid to ask questions because of your skin tone?

That PP is a moron.

Care to explain why you think I’m a very unusual Black person?

I’m not afraid to ask questions because of my skin tone. I don’t even understand why you say that. Are you confused?

The PP at 18:48 said the OP - if Black - is a very unusual Black person. I am wondering if you are OP and if so, are you unusual as 18:48 - presumably Black - thinks? If you are OP, then you have said you are light-skinned and if that is true, have you been afraid to ask a question because of the color of your skin. Same question you asked of white people in your OP.

If you are OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown and I tan. I wouldn't be offended if someone mentioned it but it would be a little weird and awkward. Maybe that's my reaction because I generally refrain from commenting on people's appearances at work, unless I am very close with them (i.e. I consider them a personal friend, not just a colleague or work friend). Given that the comment may not be received well or be awkward, I don't see the cost-benefit of it being worthwhile.

I get that, PP.

I’d expect my close-contact co-workers to mention it…only because I consider them friends and they obviously know when I vacation.

Admittedly, (as a Black PP said) people are prickly these days, so I can’t really fault a white person for staying quiet.


[OP]

You would be an extinct race if you had to deal with all we have to deal with on a daily basis and have dealt with since you stole us from our home and used and abused us. (No Karen, there is not such thing as a happy enslaved person). You are really lucky that all we are is prickly. You lack insight.

I’m Black, but OK.

[OP]

I am Black too. You must be light skinned. Why is your question even a question?

Does my being light skinned make me less Black to you?

I asked the Q because I wanted to know if I’m right in thinking white people are making a point to not mention a Black person’s (my) tan. As I said many times in this thread, I understand if that’s true….but, it isn’t necessary for me. I tend to be chill about things like that.

Well then, you must be “the very unusual Black person” a PP referred to a little upthread. Should you be afraid to ask questions because of your skin tone?

That PP is a moron.

Care to explain why you think I’m a very unusual Black person?

I’m not afraid to ask questions because of my skin tone. I don’t even understand why you say that. Are you confused?

The PP at 18:48 said the OP - if Black - is a very unusual Black person. I am wondering if you are OP and if so, are you unusual as 18:48 - presumably Black - thinks? If you are OP, then you have said you are light-skinned and if that is true, have you been afraid to ask a question because of the color of your skin. Same question you asked of white people in your OP.

If you are OP.

Yep, I’m the thread OP. Nope, I’m not afraid to ask anything because of my skin complexion.

Quite honestly, I think that PP is….not bright…so, I don’t know what they mean. I’m not unusual any more than any other person is. We are not monolithic, as you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s assume you’re white. If you notice a Black person got a nice tan after returning from a beach vacation, would you mention it? (“Oh! You got a nice tan. Looks great!”)

If not, would you mention it to a white person?

I wouldn't mention a tan to either white or black person

[Anonymous]

colorism for everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown. I've had a white co-worker tell me they were heading off to the Virgin Islands and looking forward to getting a tan and coming back brown.

It was awkward for me, but went right over their head. If it was a close friend, I would have cracked a joke about it, but felt awkward from a co-worker.

I reflected on why that made me feel that way and other than the obvious color factor, I think it's harder in the workplace where there are already advantages to being white and then to have someone with those advantages joke about hoping to come back brown leaves a bad feeling that is hard to put into words.

Jesus Christ. Sometimes you need to ask yourself if you’re overthinking things and making life more complicated for yourself and others. For some white people who tan very deeply, they turn a color that they consider brown. That’s all they’re talking about. This isn’t a micro aggression. This isn’t some thing you need to perceive as a comment on our racial history. They’re just looking forward to getting a tan and having their skin go from light to a bit browner. Can we just cut people some slack and not try to enjoy feeling slighted by the smallest things?

Oh shut up. You don’t know what it’s like being a POC and the comments we get about our skin color. So shut your white privileged self up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm brown and I tan. I wouldn't be offended if someone mentioned it but it would be a little weird and awkward. Maybe that's my reaction because I generally refrain from commenting on people's appearances at work, unless I am very close with them (i.e. I consider them a personal friend, not just a colleague or work friend). Given that the comment may not be received well or be awkward, I don't see the cost-benefit of it being worthwhile.

I get that, PP.

I’d expect my close-contact co-workers to mention it…only because I consider them friends and they obviously know when I vacation.

Admittedly, (as a Black PP said) people are prickly these days, so I can’t really fault a white person for staying quiet.


[OP]

You would be an extinct race if you had to deal with all we have to deal with on a daily basis and have dealt with since you stole us from our home and used and abused us. (No Karen, there is not such thing as a happy enslaved person). You are really lucky that all we are is prickly. You lack insight.

I’m Black, but OK.

[OP]

I am Black too. You must be light skinned. Why is your question even a question?

Does my being light skinned make me less Black to you?

I asked the Q because I wanted to know if I’m right in thinking white people are making a point to not mention a Black person’s (my) tan. As I said many times in this thread, I understand if that’s true….but, it isn’t necessary for me. I tend to be chill about things like that.

Well then, you must be “the very unusual Black person” a PP referred to a little upthread. Should you be afraid to ask questions because of your skin tone?

That PP is a moron.

Care to explain why you think I’m a very unusual Black person?

I’m not afraid to ask questions because of my skin tone. I don’t even understand why you say that. Are you confused?

You toss words like moron around easily. You must know what it is to be one. Are you the OP who started this post? That's who I"m referring to. and I don't buy the idea that they are black.

DP. As a Brazilian, I know quite a few Afro-Latinos who think overcompensating is a disservice. Why would you doubt that she’s black?