Married to an antivaxxer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take your kids to get vaxxed. No question
And take extra life insurance out in your DH now, before rates go up significantly for the unvaxxed (like for smokers)

And if you may get divorced anyway, get the kids vaxxed first. Let that be the reason he files. His conspiracy theories will work in your favor in custody and divorce settlements

I'm one of the PP's who is currently divorcing. It makes NO difference, 50/50 is the norm most places and absent jail or active addiction or violence, that will stand.

That being said, OP getting her kids vaxxed is a good idea. I explained in my pp that I will have to get a motion filed, because dc is too young and even though the vax will be approved shortly for them, we've already filed.

[Anonymous]

NP. Divorce. Shows bad judgment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. His response to this is, "ok so if the kids get a bad reaction to the vaccine then would it be your fault?" And then goes on his tirade of all the evidence that the vaccines are doing more harm than good. Obviously evidence I find questionable. But he finds evidence of covids effects questionable. This is an impossible argument to have.

And to the other pp who asked...yes it's not just covid. It's stop the steal, blm, LGBTQ, every hot controversial issue you can think of. We're on opposite ends. It's starting to extend to other vaccines too now.

What stops me from leaving is the kids. Will it be easier for me to leave yes. Will it be easier for them or easier for co-parenting? I don't see how.

Both of you need to delete all social media for 3 months: no facebook, instagram, TikTok, Reddit, DCUM, message boards, etc. No podcasts. No cable news.

Both you go on a complete social media break. If you want news, order print editions of the Washington Post and Wall Street Journal. Only listen to NPR in the mornings when it's just straight news.

If you do this, I bet both of you will be in a better place in three months. After 3 months, reassess the vaccine for your kids.

Unfortunately, I doubt he will stick with his side of the bargain. Because he's that addicted to social media and the outrage it stimulates in his brain. He's addicted to the dopamine rush.

NP here. I think the above is good advice. I definitely noticed a difference in my emotional well being when I stayed off the divisive social media outlets and consumed limited print media for my news.

As for being on opposite sides of everything, you will have to decide if/when love isn’t enough. I’m an old movie buff, and the Barbara Streisand/Robert Redford movie “The Way We Were” - I feel like it is different shades of the issues today. In real life, my parents divorced when I was in high school and a big part was because they didn’t want the same things in life when it came to religion, family, even where to live.

To make things work, you both have to be all in on trying to save the marriage and if reducing some of the media consumption (and perhaps manipulation) can get you both to a place where you were years ago as that team facing the world together, there might be a chance.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Well it seems awfully appropriate that this thread about how to deal with a spouse on the opposite end of the covid vax issue devolved into an argument about the vaccine... Its impossible to think about and discuss the relationship without getting into an argument about the issue isn't it...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I support the vaccine. Dh doesn't. We have kids. His view will win out for them. This isn't the only issue we stand on polar opposite sides with. I don't know how to make this work. But the thought of my kids losing stability at home and never knowing parents who had a good relationship makes me want to throw up so I keep trying to just survive this. I'm in therapy. But when you have disagreements where there is no room for compromise... Big consequential disagreements... What do you do?

Introduce your husband to the website:

https://www.sorryantivaxxer.com/

Most of these antivaxxers think it can't happen to them because they're healthy, young, have natural antibodies, etc.

There's an entry on there from yesterday; a young, white, religious & conservative, 24 year old male, father of a 2 year old, who was the epitome of health... and now he's dead.
His name was Ryan Vaughn.

Also, have him read Jeremy Voss' story on there.
Both mom & dad were HUGE antivaxxers, and would actually battle & debate their daughter who's s surgical nurse about the vaccine... their skeazy friends even got involved with the bashing of their daughter.

Both in their mid 40's, Jeremy & his wife are both in the ICU, he's getting better and has completely done a 180 regarding vaccines & actively preaches to change people's minds, however his wife was just placed on a ventilator.

There are countless stories like these on https://www.sorryantivaxxer.com/.

Hopefully that site will scare him straight (and these are people he can look up and talk to on Facebook, no fake news or misinformation there).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should check out the subreddit "QAnon Casualties". The vaccine and other issues of the past few years have destroyed many a marriage.

Thanks for the suggestion. It's horrifying but also makes me feel less alone. I've also heard side comments from therapists I reached out to about couples counseling that a lot of people are in similar shoes... unfortunately I don't know if anyone's figured out how to deal in a productive way...[/quote]

Let me know if you find out. My husband is allllmost the same, except not anti-vaxx. That would have likely been the final straw since my kids are teens/tweens and know about and want the vaccine.

And it's really been the last 5 years. Prior to that we might have disagreed on some policy issues, but now it's way beyond that. Divorce is on my mind very often. What has worked is him living elsewhere for work and for me really working to accept that a) we are on opposite sides of almost every political or social issue, b) that I don't understand it or how he has gotten there, and c) discussion is futile and refuse to engage. I don't know how long-term sustainable it is, but it's working for now.

How old are your kids and do they want to be vaccinated? If they do, then I think I'd insist that he have a discussion with the pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should check out the subreddit "QAnon Casualties". The vaccine and other issues of the past few years have destroyed many a marriage.

Thanks for the suggestion. It's horrifying but also makes me feel less alone. I've also heard side comments from therapists I reached out to about couples counseling that a lot of people are in similar shoes... unfortunately I don't know if anyone's figured out how to deal in a productive way...

Dang - I messed up the quotes the first time. Here's my post:

Let me know if you find out. My husband is allllmost the same, except not anti-vaxx. That would have likely been the final straw since my kids are teens/tweens and know about and want the vaccine.

And it's really been the last 5 years. Prior to that we might have disagreed on some policy issues, but now it's way beyond that. Divorce is on my mind very often. What has worked is him living elsewhere for work and for me really working to accept that a) we are on opposite sides of almost every political or social issue, b) that I don't understand it or how he has gotten there, and c) discussion is futile and refuse to engage. I don't know how long-term sustainable it is, but it's working for now.

How old are your kids and do they want to be vaccinated? If they do, then I think I'd insist that he have a discussion with the pediatrician.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Well it seems awfully appropriate that this thread about how to deal with a spouse on the opposite end of the covid vax issue devolved into an argument about the vaccine... Its impossible to think about and discuss the relationship without getting into an argument about the issue isn't it...

What did you think would happen here? You are fake looking for drama. You got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should check out the subreddit "QAnon Casualties". The vaccine and other issues of the past few years have destroyed many a marriage.

Thanks for the suggestion. It's horrifying but also makes me feel less alone. I've also heard side comments from therapists I reached out to about couples counseling that a lot of people are in similar shoes... unfortunately I don't know if anyone's figured out how to deal in a productive way...

Dang - I messed up the quotes the first time. Here's my post:

Let me know if you find out. My husband is allllmost the same, except not anti-vaxx. That would have likely been the final straw since my kids are teens/tweens and know about and want the vaccine.

And it's really been the last 5 years. Prior to that we might have disagreed on some policy issues, but now it's way beyond that. Divorce is on my mind very often. What has worked is him living elsewhere for work and for me really working to accept that a) we are on opposite sides of almost every political or social issue, b) that I don't understand it or how he has gotten there, and c) discussion is futile and refuse to engage. I don't know how long-term sustainable it is, but it's working for now.

How old are your kids and do they want to be vaccinated? If they do, then I think I'd insist that he have a discussion with the pediatrician.

This. Has nothing to do with vaccines. Grow up and get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I support the vaccine. Dh doesn't. We have kids. His view will win out for them. This isn't the only issue we stand on polar opposite sides with. I don't know how to make this work. But the thought of my kids losing stability at home and never knowing parents who had a good relationship makes me want to throw up so I keep trying to just survive this. I'm in therapy. But when you have disagreements where there is no room for compromise... Big consequential disagreements... What do you do?

Introduce your husband to the website:

https://www.sorryantivaxxer.com/

Most of these antivaxxers think it can't happen to them because they're healthy, young, have natural antibodies, etc.

There's an entry on there from yesterday; a young, white, religious & conservative, 24 year old male, father of a 2 year old, who was the epitome of health... and now he's dead.
His name was Ryan Vaughn.

Also, have him read Jeremy Voss' story on there.
Both mom & dad were HUGE antivaxxers, and would actually battle & debate their daughter who's s surgical nurse about the vaccine... their skeazy friends even got involved with the bashing of their daughter.

Both in their mid 40's, Jeremy & his wife are both in the ICU, he's getting better and has completely done a 180 regarding vaccines & actively preaches to change people's minds, however his wife was just placed on a ventilator.

There are countless stories like these on https://www.sorryantivaxxer.com/.

Hopefully that site will scare him straight (and these are people he can look up and talk to on Facebook, no fake news or misinformation there).

Holy christ on a cracker, these stories are scary!

Unfortunately, it's probably going to take either knowing one of these people in real life, or it happening to your husband himself to change his mind.
Otherwise he'll ignorantly chalk it up to the left's "misinformation machine".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should check out the subreddit "QAnon Casualties". The vaccine and other issues of the past few years have destroyed many a marriage.

Thanks for the suggestion. It's horrifying but also makes me feel less alone. I've also heard side comments from therapists I reached out to about couples counseling that a lot of people are in similar shoes... unfortunately I don't know if anyone's figured out how to deal in a productive way...

Dang - I messed up the quotes the first time. Here's my post:

Let me know if you find out. My husband is allllmost the same, except not anti-vaxx. That would have likely been the final straw since my kids are teens/tweens and know about and want the vaccine.

And it's really been the last 5 years. Prior to that we might have disagreed on some policy issues, but now it's way beyond that. Divorce is on my mind very often. What has worked is him living elsewhere for work and for me really working to accept that a) we are on opposite sides of almost every political or social issue, b) that I don't understand it or how he has gotten there, and c) discussion is futile and refuse to engage. I don't know how long-term sustainable it is, but it's working for now.

How old are your kids and do they want to be vaccinated? If they do, then I think I'd insist that he have a discussion with the pediatrician.

Op here. Wish we could start a secret support group. This is very much me as well. My oldest is a teen and could get vaccinated but doesn't want to and parrots her father. I was very disappointed to end up in a fight with her about this and talking to the pediatrician sparked it. Yet no matter how much I dwell on what I should do and how much the impulsive tired side of me would like a divorce...I keep coming back to believing it would be better if I could figure out a way to make this work, and needing to push through. It is maddening and tiring and frustrating. But I can't bring myself to split time with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should check out the subreddit "QAnon Casualties". The vaccine and other issues of the past few years have destroyed many a marriage.

Thanks for the suggestion. It's horrifying but also makes me feel less alone. I've also heard side comments from therapists I reached out to about couples counseling that a lot of people are in similar shoes... unfortunately I don't know if anyone's figured out how to deal in a productive way...

Dang - I messed up the quotes the first time. Here's my post:

Let me know if you find out. My husband is allllmost the same, except not anti-vaxx. That would have likely been the final straw since my kids are teens/tweens and know about and want the vaccine.

And it's really been the last 5 years. Prior to that we might have disagreed on some policy issues, but now it's way beyond that. Divorce is on my mind very often. What has worked is him living elsewhere for work and for me really working to accept that a) we are on opposite sides of almost every political or social issue, b) that I don't understand it or how he has gotten there, and c) discussion is futile and refuse to engage. I don't know how long-term sustainable it is, but it's working for now.

How old are your kids and do they want to be vaccinated? If they do, then I think I'd insist that he have a discussion with the pediatrician.

Op here. Wish we could start a secret support group. This is very much me as well. My oldest is a teen and could get vaccinated but doesn't want to and parrots her father. I was very disappointed to end up in a fight with her about this and talking to the pediatrician sparked it. Yet no matter how much I dwell on what I should do and how much the impulsive tired side of me would like a divorce...I keep coming back to believing it would be better if I could figure out a way to make this work, and needing to push through. It is maddening and tiring and frustrating. But I can't bring myself to split time with the kids.

I'm sorry. PP here - after posting the above I was completely blindsided today when my spouse told me/questioned me today when our 11 year old got their first shot. It's funny/not funny in that I was the one when our kids were infants wondering if we should spread out shots and he thought I had bought into conspiracy theories.

I'm just not engaging right now and hoping it will blow over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I support the vaccine. Dh doesn't. We have kids. His view will win out for them. This isn't the only issue we stand on polar opposite sides with. I don't know how to make this work. But the thought of my kids losing stability at home and never knowing parents who had a good relationship makes me want to throw up so I keep trying to just survive this. I'm in therapy. But when you have disagreements where there is no room for compromise... Big consequential disagreements... What do you do?

Introduce your husband to the website:

https://www.sorryantivaxxer.com/

Most of these antivaxxers think it can't happen to them because they're healthy, young, have natural antibodies, etc.

There's an entry on there from yesterday; a young, white, religious & conservative, 24 year old male, father of a 2 year old, who was the epitome of health... and now he's dead.
His name was Ryan Vaughn.

Also, have him read Jeremy Voss' story on there.
Both mom & dad were HUGE antivaxxers, and would actually battle & debate their daughter who's s surgical nurse about the vaccine... their skeazy friends even got involved with the bashing of their daughter.

Both in their mid 40's, Jeremy & his wife are both in the ICU, he's getting better and has completely done a 180 regarding vaccines & actively preaches to change people's minds, however his wife was just placed on a ventilator.

There are countless stories like these on https://www.sorryantivaxxer.com/.

Hopefully that site will scare him straight (and these are people he can look up and talk to on Facebook, no fake news or misinformation there).

Or the Herman Cain Awards on Reddit.

[Anonymous]

For the people saying divorce him them get kids vaxxed - the better option if you’re going to divorce anyway is to take them in NOW to get vaxxed. You don’t want to give the anti vax spouse the opportunity to get a court order forbidding you from getting kids vaccinated, which would sure come out in divorce proceedings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the people saying divorce him them get kids vaxxed - the better option if you’re going to divorce anyway is to take them in NOW to get vaxxed. You don’t want to give the anti vax spouse the opportunity to get a court order forbidding you from getting kids vaccinated, which would sure come out in divorce proceedings.

You don’t get divorced over a vaccine conflict and if you do, you should get some serious mental health treatment.