Should I Ask For A Ring Before Moving In?

[Anonymous]

Let's be real the engaged first crowd is basically just another way of saying: I'm not like those other women, see I'm not an sl@T We were engaged first.

[Anonymous]

I know couples who lived together before getting engaged.

I know couples who insisted on getting engaged prior to moving in with each other.

Both sets married in the same amount of time. Both appear to be happy with their decisions, and the women in each situation do not and did not appear to be struggling with any loss of independence.

[Anonymous]

Live with someone for a while before deciding to marry them. There are MANY THINGS you still do not know about your partner. TRUST ME. Be smart. Move in. See what he's like in 3 months, 6 months, etc. Then you'll know if he's the one.

[Anonymous]

Seems so weird that you could be prepared to marry someone but worried whether they put their socks in the hamper. If you've been dating for a while, and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, how could living together tell you anything relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems so weird that you could be prepared to marry someone but worried whether they put their socks in the hamper. If you've been dating for a while, and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, how could living together tell you anything relevant.

It’s more than that. It’s overall cleanliness, hygiene, habits, etc. You don’t know if you want to be around someone 24/7 unless you live with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I wanted marriage. I made clear while dating that I expected a ring before we would move in together, and that’s how it happened. We’re approaching 18 years of marriage now. But the key is that I knew what I wanted. What is it that you want?

OP here. I didn’t expect to why engaged before moving in. I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before and it’s all new territory. I trust his word and how he feels about me. Now I’m not so sure. Most of my family members have been married for 20+ years, with most being married for 40+ years. I trust their opinion since they are all very happily married. Some of my friends agree and got engaged before moving in, and some didn’t feel they needed to get engaged before moving in. They both make good arguments for both sides and now I’m confused about what to do.

Don't listen to other people. That's what you should do. Go with your initial feelings on this. It sounds like you've talked about engagement and marriage. It sounds like you trust him. Go for it. You can always move out.

+1. Been married 30 years and agree with this advice.

[Anonymous]

It's just sharing an apartment, I'm not sure why all the grannies on here are making such a big deal out of this. I lived with a boyfriend from ages 26-28 and we broke up and I moved out. It was convenient to live together, we were too young to take about marriage, we were just having a good time. When we broke up, he crashed on the couch until I found another apartment to sublet and moved out a week later. NBD.

I moved in with my husband when I was 30, we were engaged in 6 months, and married a year later. Again, NBD, it just worked out that way.

Listen to your gut, not cranky old women who haven't had a boyfriend in 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just sharing an apartment, I'm not sure why all the grannies on here are making such a big deal out of this. I lived with a boyfriend from ages 26-28 and we broke up and I moved out. It was convenient to live together, we were too young to take about marriage, we were just having a good time. When we broke up, he crashed on the couch until I found another apartment to sublet and moved out a week later. NBD.

I moved in with my husband when I was 30, we were engaged in 6 months, and married a year later. Again, NBD, it just worked out that way.

Listen to your gut, not cranky old women who haven't had a boyfriend in 20 years.

um being 26 isn't too "young" to talk about marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems so weird that you could be prepared to marry someone but worried whether they put their socks in the hamper. If you've been dating for a while, and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, how could living together tell you anything relevant.

It’s more than that. It’s overall cleanliness, hygiene, habits, etc. You don’t know if you want to be around someone 24/7 unless you live with them.

But how could you be ready to marry someone -- to spend the rest of your life with them, probably have kids with them, rely on them for the most important support in life -- and then suddenly it's a deal breaker because you find out that they don't keep their bedroom as tidy as you'd like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's be real the engaged first crowd is basically just another way of saying: I'm not like those other women, see I'm not an sl@T We were engaged first.

Nope, the "engaged first crowd" are women who have been there and then had to walk out of that relationship when it was clear there would be no marriage, having wasted years thinking and discussing it was heading that way. He can move on with no sense of urgency while you wonder how many years you have left to have kids that you thought you were going to have with the first guy. I moved in with my BF when I was 27 and moved out at 29 after 5 years together, realizing despite many, many talks, that he was never going to be excited to commit. It was a blessing, but I probably could've figured that out at 27 instead of freaking out when I was almost 30 that I was single again.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you do ~ a ring should mean a ring and a date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be real the engaged first crowd is basically just another way of saying: I'm not like those other women, see I'm not an sl@T We were engaged first.

Nope, the "engaged first crowd" are women who have been there and then had to walk out of that relationship when it was clear there would be no marriage, having wasted years thinking and discussing it was heading that way. He can move on with no sense of urgency while you wonder how many years you have left to have kids that you thought you were going to have with the first guy. I moved in with my BF when I was 27 and moved out at 29 after 5 years together, realizing despite many, many talks, that he was never going to be excited to commit. It was a blessing, but I probably could've figured that out at 27 instead of freaking out when I was almost 30 that I was single again.

That’s not everyone’s experience.

My group of friends ( 5 of us) all moved in with boyfriends between the 1-2 year mark before getting engaged. All of us were engaged within a year of moving in and married with that year or the next year.

There were probably many clues your boyfriend wasn’t going to propose. Many women ignore them and move in anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems so weird that you could be prepared to marry someone but worried whether they put their socks in the hamper. If you've been dating for a while, and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, how could living together tell you anything relevant.

It’s more than that. It’s overall cleanliness, hygiene, habits, etc. You don’t know if you want to be around someone 24/7 unless you live with them.

But how could you be ready to marry someone -- to spend the rest of your life with them, probably have kids with them, rely on them for the most important support in life -- and then suddenly it's a deal breaker because you find out that they don't keep their bedroom as tidy as you'd like.

Some people realize little things build up when you’re with someone 24/7. Look at how many people are getting divorced or unhappy during this pandemic? You can love someone and see a life with them but realize you can’t live with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Live with someone for a while before deciding to marry them. There are MANY THINGS you still do not know about your partner. TRUST ME. Be smart. Move in. See what he's like in 3 months, 6 months, etc. Then you'll know if he's the one.

How long should you live with someone before you feel like you have an adequate picture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems so weird that you could be prepared to marry someone but worried whether they put their socks in the hamper. If you've been dating for a while, and you think you want to spend the rest of your life with this person, how could living together tell you anything relevant.

It’s more than that. It’s overall cleanliness, hygiene, habits, etc. You don’t know if you want to be around someone 24/7 unless you live with them.

Yeah, but how many threads do we see about people who lived with their spouse pre-marriage and then spouse does a total 180 after marriage or after kids? In short it really doesn't matter.