Should I Ask For A Ring Before Moving In?

[Anonymous]

Good for you OP. Too many women these days put pressure on themselves and their boyfriends for marriage and kids. I did put pressure to marry because I wanted kids. I’m happy but I miss those days sometimes and wish I didn’t put so much pressure on myself. I was so focused on the future and the life I wanted, I never lived in the moment. I miss those days when things were fun and carefree. Let things happen and don’t push him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew I wanted marriage. I made clear while dating that I expected a ring before we would move in together, and that’s how it happened. We’re approaching 18 years of marriage now. But the key is that I knew what I wanted. What is it that you want?

OP here. I didn’t expect to why engaged before moving in. I’ve never lived with a boyfriend before and it’s all new territory. I trust his word and how he feels about me. Now I’m not so sure. Most of my family members have been married for 20+ years, with most being married for 40+ years. I trust their opinion since they are all very happily married. Some of my friends agree and got engaged before moving in, and some didn’t feel they needed to get engaged before moving in. They both make good arguments for both sides and now I’m confused about what to do.

I’m 35 and most people I know lived together before getting engaged. People married 20 or 40 plus years are too old to know what’s normal with our generation.

+1. I’m 33 and this is true for me and my social circle as well. DH and I lived together for 6 years (and had a baby! and bought a house!) before we got married.

Having a baby is something that could be unplanned but you were able to commit to real estate before each other? You shouldn’t be giving advice on this.

We were committed to each other. We didn’t see any point in getting married, though we did later when one of us lost our health insurance. We were still saving for a down payment when we had a baby. You are aware that relationships can dissolve regardless of whether or not you’re married? It’s called divorce.

Judging by the unhappiness expressed by many married people on DCUM, I don’t think marriage is the end-all-be-all people make it out to be.

Complete with the 'we didn't see any point in getting married' canned line.

[Anonymous]

Op I moved in with a bf when I was 32 and he was 36 and we had vague talks of marriage but it was mostly convenient for him. It was idiotic in retrospect because I realized he was never capable of commitment (indeed he never got married) but it drew our relationship out by about by 2 years. Had we not leased a place together I would have ended it earlier, and not found myself 35 and single ...

My advice doesn't revolve around a ring and I think there are situations where it's best to live together marriage (I did with my husband but we had spoken explicitly about marriage before moving in).. It entails being specific both with yourself and then with boyfriend about expectations (eg after another year you are engaged or broken up); secondly have a plan b if things go south; third, what you do now and how much you ask for, expect or out up with will shape dynamics in the future. Don't sell yourself short !

[Anonymous]

OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. Too many women these days put pressure on themselves and their boyfriends for marriage and kids. I did put pressure to marry because I wanted kids. I’m happy but I miss those days sometimes and wish I didn’t put so much pressure on myself. I was so focused on the future and the life I wanted, I never lived in the moment. I miss those days when things were fun and carefree. Let things happen and don’t push him.

+1. Pushy women typically make terrible wives. They’re all unhappy 10 years down the line and hate their husbands. This site is proof of it. So many unhappy married people on here. Why rush something that is supposed be for life? Maybe the divorce rates wouldn’t be so high if people started caring more about who they marry, rather than focusing on a timeline. People need to start taking things like marriage more seriously. Then again, many people have kids with people they have no feelings for. This world is going down hill fast. Better start saving for your future kids therapy bills. Many of them will need it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op I moved in with a bf when I was 32 and he was 36 and we had vague talks of marriage but it was mostly convenient for him. It was idiotic in retrospect because I realized he was never capable of commitment (indeed he never got married) but it drew our relationship out by about by 2 years. Had we not leased a place together I would have ended it earlier, and not found myself 35 and single ...

My advice doesn't revolve around a ring and I think there are situations where it's best to live together marriage (I did with my husband but we had spoken explicitly about marriage before moving in).. It entails being specific both with yourself and then with boyfriend about expectations (eg after another year you are engaged or broken up); secondly have a plan b if things go south; third, what you do now and how much you ask for, expect or out up with will shape dynamics in the future. Don't sell yourself short !

No. You stayed with him in hopes of getting married. You can break a lease at any time. Just admit you were more focused on fitting a guy into your timeline rather than finding a compatible life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

Truth hurts?

[Anonymous]

Man there. Don’t listen to these women. Most of them post daily how much they hate their spouses on here. Many women your age act crazy and that can scare a man away.

Why doubt him? You said believe he will marry you and has not given any indication he won’t follow through with it. Be happy and enjoy your relationship. Stop worrying so much and forcing it. Enjoy it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

Truth hurts?

+ Why the eye roll? I have two friends who are now single after trying to force their boyfriends to marry them. I have another friend who rushed into marriage and kids and complains constantly about her husband. Marriage and kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Marry for love, not for a timeline. You must be one of those women who rushed into marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wedding date decided and site book with deposit down. Then move in.

This. A ring means nothing without a wedding date. A ring means you are getting married and actively planning the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

Truth hurts?

+ Why the eye roll? I have two friends who are now single after trying to force their boyfriends to marry them. I have another friend who rushed into marriage and kids and complains constantly about her husband. Marriage and kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Marry for love, not for a timeline. You must be one of those women who rushed into marriage.

I find it really unlikely that pp knows exactly why her friend's ex-boyfriend didn't marry her and that he's super happy with his new wife. I also find it funny that only women who sit on their hands a let the guys tell them what's what are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

Truth hurts?

Stop your incel trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies! I will just move forward with moving in without getting engaged. That was my plan all along. I’m confident we will get engaged soon. I don’t need a ring to move in.

Good for you, OP. Just make a reminder 6 months or a year from now in your calendar. It should say "Ring ring ring, time to move out."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is right. It’s better to let things happen naturally instead of pushing. I had a close friend push her boyfriend into proposing. Guess what? He broke up with her. He even later admitted he bought a ring and planned to ask her to marry him a month later, but he couldn’t deal with her being pushy. He didn’t want a life where he had to do everything on a timeline. He is now married to a non-pushy woman and very happy. My friend is married to the guy she dated after him. She is not very happy and had confided in me that she wishes she didn’t put her ex.

I also have friends who rushed into marriage and kids because of age or friends getting married, and most are really unhappy. They wish they didn’t rush marriage and kids.

The friends I have who did wait or let things develop naturally are very happy.

Truth hurts?

+ Why the eye roll? I have two friends who are now single after trying to force their boyfriends to marry them. I have another friend who rushed into marriage and kids and complains constantly about her husband. Marriage and kids isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Marry for love, not for a timeline. You must be one of those women who rushed into marriage.

I find it really unlikely that pp knows exactly why her friend's ex-boyfriend didn't marry her and that he's super happy with his new wife. I also find it funny that only women who sit on their hands a let the guys tell them what's what are happy.

PP here. I do know because my husband is good friends with him. We have hung out and he had told us point blank after they broke up that he planned to propose the next month but he didn’t want to live life like that. He has said many times that he’s very happy with his wife.

I never said the women I know who were happy let the men make decisions. Just because a woman doesn’t live her life by a timeline, doesn’t mean her husband makes all the rules. That’s your assumption.

It says a lot about your personality that you think women who don’t push their men into timelines sit on their hands while their husbands make the decision. I guess you’re so defensive because you pushed your husband into some stupid timeline for marriage and kids. Aren’t you so happy you rule your relationship?