Should I Ask For A Ring Before Moving In?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies! I will just move forward with moving in without getting engaged. That was my plan all along. I’m confident we will get engaged soon. I don’t need a ring to move in.

Good for you, OP. Just make a reminder 6 months or a year from now in your calendar. It should say "Ring ring ring, time to move out."

No. She’s only 30. Stop pushing marriage on people. What the h*ll is wrong with you women? You wonder why you’re unhappy 10 years down the road.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Live with someone for a while before deciding to marry them. There are MANY THINGS you still do not know about your partner. TRUST ME. Be smart. Move in. See what he's like in 3 months, 6 months, etc. Then you'll know if he's the one.

How long should you live with someone before you feel like you have an adequate picture?

Months. Endure some stress together, make sure you can survive that as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him you have decided it’s unwise for you to give up your apartment unless and until you get engaged.

Living together can lead to inertia. People who should break up don’t because the idea of moving is traumatic. Guys don’t bother proposing because they have the nice things about a live in girlfriend without a commitment. Etc.

It’s better to keep a place of your own until you’ve gotten engaged. That way it’s easier to break up or start seeing other people if he doesn’t propose.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or try something radical and don’t move in until married.

Riiight, don’t try living together before entering into a lifelong contract that involves living together. That always works out well.

Statistically speaking, yes, it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting to me that this board is very anti-living together before marriage (I have seen it before when this topic came up).

I think living together in a committed relationship is a perfectly valid and even smart thing to do, although I think it’s fair that you have a discussion about your mutual expectations.

Fwiw I lived with my spouse for a couple years before getting engaged and we have been happily married for a long time now.

Because it doesn't work out for most people, and is devastating when it doesn't. Glad it worked for you.

[Anonymous]

My sister lived with her BF before an engagement and is blissfully married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or try something radical and don’t move in until married.

Riiight, don’t try living together before entering into a lifelong contract that involves living together. That always works out well.

Statistically speaking, yes, it does.

Source? According to https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/10/premarital-cohabitation-divorce/573817/, the jury’s out on divorce rates with and without living together first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or try something radical and don’t move in until married.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived with 3 boyfriends, including my now husband, and value the experience of having lived with them before we committed to getting married.

I would never commit to a man before really knowing him... and that takes living with him.

Do your kids know you lived with 3 men before marriage?

[Anonymous]

OP, has he lived with other women? I bet anything he has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lived with 3 boyfriends, including my now husband, and value the experience of having lived with them before we committed to getting married.

I would never commit to a man before really knowing him... and that takes living with him.

+1. There are many couples who live together and realize they’re incompatible. Engaged is one thing, but I would never wait to move in with someone until after I was married.

There would have been other signs of incapatability. I knew DH well enough to not need to live with him to ensure capatabilility. I spent weekends with him. I knew he was tidy, could cook etc.

What would be so bad that woud lead to divorce? We would work through it like every thing else in marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and I don’t think I know any couples who didn’t cohabitate before getting engaged. At least for a while.

I did not cohabitate beforehand/ I wish I did. We never would have married. I am divorced in mid 40s.

explain?

[Anonymous]

Marry first.

[Anonymous]

Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

[Anonymous]

Meditate, journal and/or pray about it, then follow your instincts. If you go into this with eyes wide open and are true to yourself first (before him, your family, your friends, and anonymous DCUM posters), then things will work out, and if they don’t, you’ll be okay with it.