Should I Ask For A Ring Before Moving In?

[Anonymous]

Personally, I don't see anything magical about engagement. I know many engaged couples who broke up. The concern put out by some people that your boyfriend won't be motivated to marry you if you move in seems based on old-fashioned concerns that if that man is getting sex, cleaning, and hot meals, he has no reason to get married. If your boyfriend decided that he does not want to be married, whether you are engaged or not is not going to matter (do you really want to force someone who has doubts about marrying you?).

***However, I do agree with other comments that you need to get moving if you want to have kjds.***

[Anonymous]

My guess is that he asked you to move when lease is up but will likely propose before you actually move in. I’m basing this on your ages and you stating he told a family member he is serious about you.

I say go for it, and this is from someone whom was asked by dh while dating to move in together and said “ sure when engaged.” In your case, you already said yes and now only have cold feet because of others responses. I knew what I wanted and felt comfortable saying so. If you are not there but believe he is the one and you trust him, go with your original decision and move in.

I do think he will propose before though! Best of luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting to me that this board is very anti-living together before marriage (I have seen it before when this topic came up).

I think living together in a committed relationship is a perfectly valid and even smart thing to do, although I think it’s fair that you have a discussion about your mutual expectations.

Fwiw I lived with my spouse for a couple years before getting engaged and we have been happily married for a long time now.

I feel like most of the posters on here are women over 50 with limited experience before getting married and some divorced.

It's not just normal to cohabitate before marriage level commitments, it's also smart. Get all the surprises out if the way so you can have a better idea who you are dealing with. People should live together cat least a year or two before marriage.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the replies! I will just move forward with moving in without getting engaged. That was my plan all along. I’m confident we will get engaged soon. I don’t need a ring to move in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived with 3 boyfriends, including my now husband, and value the experience of having lived with them before we committed to getting married.

I would never commit to a man before really knowing him... and that takes living with him.

+1. There are many couples who live together and realize they’re incompatible. Engaged is one thing, but I would never wait to move in with someone until after I was married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? 20s or 30s?

OP here. I’m 30. He’s 35.

You need to start getting it together. Fertility declines rapidly by 30. You need to hurry up if you want kids.

Don't hurry up. Decisions like marriage should not be rushed just to have babies. Have a baby with the wrong guy and you're stuck dealing with them for a long time after you want to.

[Anonymous]

I’m 36 and I don’t think I know any couples who didn’t cohabitate before getting engaged. At least for a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? 20s or 30s?

OP here. I’m 30. He’s 35.

You need to start getting it together. Fertility declines rapidly by 30. You need to hurry up if you want kids.

Stop it!!! She is only 30. Almost all my friends had first babies easily between 35-40 (me included) Your claim is not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and I don’t think I know any couples who didn’t cohabitate before getting engaged. At least for a while.

I did not cohabitate beforehand/ I wish I did. We never would have married. I am divorced in mid 40s.

[Anonymous]

I just posted..I did live with a boyfriend for 4 years in my 20s. We did not get married (I did not want to). Neither way worked for my…tried both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP? 20s or 30s?

OP here. I’m 30. He’s 35.

You need to start getting it together. Fertility declines rapidly by 30. You need to hurry up if you want kids.

Stop with the scare tactics. She’s 30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting to me that this board is very anti-living together before marriage (I have seen it before when this topic came up).

I think living together in a committed relationship is a perfectly valid and even smart thing to do, although I think it’s fair that you have a discussion about your mutual expectations.

Fwiw I lived with my spouse for a couple years before getting engaged and we have been happily married for a long time now.

+1. Although we talked very openly about what we both wanted (marriage, kids etc). I likely wouldn’t live with someone who I wasn’t discussing the potential for marriage with.

[Anonymous]

I'm 36, here is my friend group:
Me: engaged and married before living together at 32
Friend A: Dated and lived together for 10 years before marriage
Friend B: Dated and lived together before he broke it off and she moved out, still single
Friend C: Dated and lived together briefly before engaged, now divorced
Friend D: Dated and engaged then lived together
All college friends: 0 cohabitation, engaged, married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m 36 and I don’t think I know any couples who didn’t cohabitate before getting engaged. At least for a while.

+1. I’m 33 and I don’t personally know anyone who got engaged before moving in together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you want to do OP?

What are your beliefs? If you want to be married you need to be able to identify and express your own thoughts and not be dependent on crowdsourcing and your family and friends to from your beliefs.

+1000000