Should I Ask For A Ring Before Moving In?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 1 year ( last month) asked me to move in with him after the end of the year when my lease is up. I’m really excited and plan to spend my life with him. I was so happy and shared the news with family/friends, only for some of them to tell me to get a ring first. I’m getting conflicting advice from friends and older family members. Some have told me to move in and see how living together is before deciding on getting engaged, and some have told me I should never move in with a man unless he proposed. One aunt is very old fashioned and said women shouldn’t live with a man unless married, but that’s a little aggressive for me. Now I’m wondering if I should bring up getting engaged or move in and see how loving together goes before talking about getting engaged. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I would tell him you have decided it’s unwise for you to give up your apartment unless and until you get engaged.

Living together can lead to inertia. People who should break up don’t because the idea of moving is traumatic. Guys don’t bother proposing because they have the nice things about a live in girlfriend without a commitment. Etc.

It’s better to keep a place of your own until you’ve gotten engaged. That way it’s easier to break up or start seeing other people if he doesn’t propose.

[Anonymous]

Wedding date decided and site book with deposit down. Then move in.

[Anonymous]

Does he think you two will get married?

Has it been discussed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him you have decided it’s unwise for you to give up your apartment unless and until you get engaged.

Living together can lead to inertia. People who should break up don’t because the idea of moving is traumatic. Guys don’t bother proposing because they have the nice things about a live in girlfriend without a commitment. Etc.

It’s better to keep a place of your own until you’ve gotten engaged. That way it’s easier to break up or start seeing other people if he doesn’t propose.

This.
Bu never explicitly ask for a ring.

[Anonymous]

What do you want to do OP?

What are your beliefs? If you want to be married you need to be able to identify and express your own thoughts and not be dependent on crowdsourcing and your family and friends to from your beliefs.

[Anonymous]

If you are this reliant on what everyone else thinks, you are not ready to be a life partner to anyone (with or without a ring).

[Anonymous]

I would make sure you have explicitly discussed getting married not like assuming that he feels the same way as you before moving in. Would also recommend discussing a timeline of when that could happen, better to be on the same page so no ones feelings get hurt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of 1 year ( last month) asked me to move in with him after the end of the year when my lease is up. I’m really excited and plan to spend my life with him. I was so happy and shared the news with family/friends, only for some of them to tell me to get a ring first. I’m getting conflicting advice from friends and older family members. Some have told me to move in and see how living together is before deciding on getting engaged, and some have told me I should never move in with a man unless he proposed. One aunt is very old fashioned and said women shouldn’t live with a man unless married, but that’s a little aggressive for me. Now I’m wondering if I should bring up getting engaged or move in and see how loving together goes before talking about getting engaged. Any advice?

OP this is a red flag. If you can’t talk about what you want, then you should not be moving in together. Don’t move in under the assumption that he wants the same things. For all you know when you both say you want to get engaged “soon” that means in the next 5 years for him and 6 months for you.

And I agree that it’s a really bad idea to move in together before you’re engaged and planning the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make sure you have explicitly discussed getting married not like assuming that he feels the same way as you before moving in. Would also recommend discussing a timeline of when that could happen, better to be on the same page so no ones feelings get hurt

+1

I think more important that a ring or not is the why behind the ring. A ring is important because it demonstrates commitment. If you plan to spend the rest of your life with this person you owe it to yourself to have an honest and candid conversation with your partner about your feelings and expectations, and ask him about his. If you guys are on the same page then you can figure out whether or not it’s important to you to be engaged prior to move in. If you are not on the same page well… much better to know now than after playing house for 1, 2, 3 years!

[Anonymous]

How old are you?

[Anonymous]

I have never and would never live with a man without a commitment. Too many friends stuck for years then had to move out. If you aren't talking about marriage then do not move in.

[Anonymous]

It’s interesting to me that this board is very anti-living together before marriage (I have seen it before when this topic came up).

I think living together in a committed relationship is a perfectly valid and even smart thing to do, although I think it’s fair that you have a discussion about your mutual expectations.

Fwiw I lived with my spouse for a couple years before getting engaged and we have been happily married for a long time now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are this reliant on what everyone else thinks, you are not ready to be a life partner to anyone (with or without a ring).

I agree with this. You need to know who you are as a person before you get married.

[Anonymous]

+100 to PPs: Discuss a timeline.