Should I Ask For A Ring Before Moving In?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, has he lived with other women? I bet anything he has.

Very interesting question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the replies! I will just move forward with moving in without getting engaged. That was my plan all along. I’m confident we will get engaged soon. I don’t need a ring to move in.

Good for you, OP. Just make a reminder 6 months or a year from now in your calendar. It should say "Ring ring ring, time to move out."

No. She’s only 30. Stop pushing marriage on people. What the h*ll is wrong with you women? You wonder why you’re unhappy 10 years down the road.

Op replied (20:32) that SHE wants to get married. No one is pushing her to get married, it’s what she has stated she wants out of this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why buy the cow when the milk is free?

This is antiquated thinking, and I'm 51.

OP, you should definitely have the talk about the future, and marriage. I assume he is also in his 30s as you are.

You need to have a serious conversation with him about the future. Let him know what you are thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s interesting to me that this board is very anti-living together before marriage (I have seen it before when this topic came up).

I think living together in a committed relationship is a perfectly valid and even smart thing to do, although I think it’s fair that you have a discussion about your mutual expectations.

Fwiw I lived with my spouse for a couple years before getting engaged and we have been happily married for a long time now.

Because it doesn't work out for most people, and is devastating when it doesn't. Glad it worked for you.

It's not such a loss for men, but women lose years of fertility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, has he lived with other women? I bet anything he has.

Very interesting question

why?

DH lived with his previous GF before we got together, bought a house together and got married.

Can OP sublet for a year? I lived with my now DH for about 8 months while I was working some place closer to him. I kept my apartment. We were pretty much always together, and the 8 months of living with him confirmed that we were compatible.

[Anonymous]

Aks for a c**k ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of 1 year ( last month) asked me to move in with him after the end of the year when my lease is up. I’m really excited and plan to spend my life with him. I was so happy and shared the news with family/friends, only for some of them to tell me to get a ring first. I’m getting conflicting advice from friends and older family members. Some have told me to move in and see how living together is before deciding on getting engaged, and some have told me I should never move in with a man unless he proposed. One aunt is very old fashioned and said women shouldn’t live with a man unless married, but that’s a little aggressive for me. Now I’m wondering if I should bring up getting engaged or move in and see how loving together goes before talking about getting engaged. Any advice?

Are you moving into his house or an apartment? There's no way I'd move into a house that I'm not building equity in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend of 1 year ( last month) asked me to move in with him after the end of the year when my lease is up. I’m really excited and plan to spend my life with him. I was so happy and shared the news with family/friends, only for some of them to tell me to get a ring first. I’m getting conflicting advice from friends and older family members. Some have told me to move in and see how living together is before deciding on getting engaged, and some have told me I should never move in with a man unless he proposed. One aunt is very old fashioned and said women shouldn’t live with a man unless married, but that’s a little aggressive for me. Now I’m wondering if I should bring up getting engaged or move in and see how loving together goes before talking about getting engaged. Any advice?

Are you moving into his house or an apartment? There's no way I'd move into a house that I'm not building equity in.

How is that different from OP renting?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I haven’t been on here in a couple of days.

He lived with his ex-girlfriend for about a month until she broke up with him. Things were going well and then she decided it was getting too serious too fast and she wasn’t ready for that kind of life. Apparently her family was pushing her to marry and have kids, but she didn’t want it and had a big blowup. She has been single since and traveling the world from what I heard. Who knows.

I will be moving into his place that he rents because it’s bigger. We both have decided we will buy once we get married.

I know he’s serious because of how his last relationship went. He was really hurt over it and made sure early on that he only wanted a woman that was serious about marriage and kids.

We talked since I posted this and we are on the same page. I trust his intentions. He did tell me we can get engaged before I move in if it makes me more comfortable. He said he planned to propose soon because he knows I want a fall wedding.

For now I’m going to go about it how I originally and planned. I don’t want to take the happiness and love out of my relationship by pushing him to get engaged by a certain time with a wedding date, etc. I want it to be on be romantic and happen organically. I don’t want to putt stress on my relationship just to get engaged when I trust him and know he will propose and we will get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him you have decided it’s unwise for you to give up your apartment unless and until you get engaged.

Living together can lead to inertia. People who should break up don’t because the idea of moving is traumatic. Guys don’t bother proposing because they have the nice things about a live in girlfriend without a commitment. Etc.

It’s better to keep a place of your own until you’ve gotten engaged. That way it’s easier to break up or start seeing other people if he doesn’t propose.

+1!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell him you have decided it’s unwise for you to give up your apartment unless and until you get engaged.

Living together can lead to inertia. People who should break up don’t because the idea of moving is traumatic. Guys don’t bother proposing because they have the nice things about a live in girlfriend without a commitment. Etc.

It’s better to keep a place of your own until you’ve gotten engaged. That way it’s easier to break up or start seeing other people if he doesn’t propose.

It's even better to keep a place of your own indefinitely. Preferably owned only by you, but renting is okay too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I haven’t been on here in a couple of days.

He lived with his ex-girlfriend for about a month until she broke up with him. Things were going well and then she decided it was getting too serious too fast and she wasn’t ready for that kind of life. Apparently her family was pushing her to marry and have kids, but she didn’t want it and had a big blowup. She has been single since and traveling the world from what I heard. Who knows.

I will be moving into his place that he rents because it’s bigger. We both have decided we will buy once we get married.

I know he’s serious because of how his last relationship went. He was really hurt over it and made sure early on that he only wanted a woman that was serious about marriage and kids.

We talked since I posted this and we are on the same page. I trust his intentions. He did tell me we can get engaged before I move in if it makes me more comfortable. He said he planned to propose soon because he knows I want a fall wedding.

For now I’m going to go about it how I originally and planned. I don’t want to take the happiness and love out of my relationship by pushing him to get engaged by a certain time with a wedding date, etc. I want it to be on be romantic and happen organically. I don’t want to putt stress on my relationship just to get engaged when I trust him and know he will propose and we will get married.

OP you sound very leelheaded. Don't let the dysfunctional posters of DCUM get to you. Continue as planned and best of luck to you and your boyfriend!