SIL Said My Parenting Is “ Cold”.

[Anonymous]

You do sound cold.

You also need to get over hearing negative feedback about your parenting. Unfortunately, it’s part of being a mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I personally think it’s horrible that you let your 2 month old cry for 5 minutes at the time…. I would think the same if you did it at 4 months so to me both you and SIL are cold…

Give me a break. Most non-sleep trained babies cry for more than 5 minutes at that age.

I never let my kids cry alone at all. I go to them right away no matter what age they are. They know they can always count on me… I have no clue what you are talking about. 5 minutes is a LONG time

Haha. Okay. I didn’t sleep train until 6 months but my baby has cried for 5 minutes when I was showering or using the bathroom. You mean to tell me your kid never cried for more than a second at all? I don’t believe it.

Yep, I had a husband or nanny usually. If I didn’t, I would take the baby with me in the bathroom. My kids never cried ALONE longer than the time it took me to go to them. Of course there were times they were sick or hurt and they cried even when I held them so I am sure there have been a few occasions when they cried for 5 minutes or so. The cruelty, in my opinion, is in letting them cry ALONE and basically telling them that nobody is coming for them…. It must be horrible for these little babies and I could never do that to my kids… the end does not justify the means…

It's going to be so awkward when your kid goes to college and takes a shit and you won't be there to wipe his ass. You are not doing the great service you think you are for your kids. But what am I saying ? I'm sure you will send the nanny along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you able to keep such close track of the time all day long?

OP here. I’m with him all day long. He lets me know when he gets tired or I will look at the time when he starts to get fussy or shows signs he’s tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are relaying the details? You seem to be asking in a paragraph for us to make a determination? I thought this would be about dealing w/your SIL.

It's possible -- she used 1 unfortunate word not knowing it's impact. And yet you feel victimized + humble brag. I doubt this SIL is your best barometer re: how you parent. Make more friends, friends you can trust with this type of thing.

OP here. Posters asked and I answered. You can not come to my thread if you don’t like it.

NP here. You don’t have to like that we say: you are a cold mother if you let your baby cry at 8 weeks and younger, and never hold for naps.

You don’t have to come back if you don’t like it.

SIL is right: you are cold.

OP here. My baby was held for almost nap for 8 weeks. It was miserable and on all of us and we found something that works for us. We are all happy and my baby is much more happy now that he is well rested.

You can still get off of my thread.

You seem very defensive. Looks like the poster struck a nerve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re going to have to grow a thicker skin OP. When it comes to motherhood, your SIL, parents, friends etc are all going to have something to say about every little thing. Be confident in how you are parenting and recognize there are multiple “right” ways to do things. Also realize that you will likely have to rewrite the manual for baby #2.

My only concern with your schedule is how rigid it is and I personally didn’t want to be a slave to my baby’s nap schedule- but if this works best for you then go with it. DS #1 was a super easy baby and would go with the flow. Not so much for baby #2 but I didn’t want to be confined to the house at nap times every day so there were days I’d wear him on errands or I’d drive around a bunch until he fell asleep so that I could get things done.

OP here. It’s a routine but a flexible one. We went off his wake windows. He is only awake for 90 minutes and starts getting tired between 75-90 minutes. We see him start getting tired or the clock and put him down. He gets overtired very fast if we don’t follow the wake windows. We have a 15 minute flexibility window if he doesn’t go right away, he wakes up, or we are doing something. We do try to follow it because he gets overtired fast and then it’s harder to get him to sleep.

Not sure about cold but you are rigid. As someone who raised a happy kid in a far more unstructured way this seems alien to me. I guess I’d just say lighten up and don’t assume you can control all aspects of parenting

No it’s not. My kid want sleep trained but we had to follow wake windows or he would start screaming and crying and then would get overtired. There is nothing rigid about following your child’s sleep cues.

[Anonymous]

You need to grow a thicker skin and own your own parenting decision. Taking Cara Babies is borderline child abuse and never holding a newborn for a nap is sure as hell cold. But you made your decision and seem very confident, so don’t let her comments bother you so much. You also sound pretty stuck up, as if those of us who don’t let our 8 week olds cry are doing something wrong. It’s just different parenting styles. Mine is pretty loosely goosey and too permissive. Yours is stone cold. Don’t try to deny it and just own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piece of advice for a new mom, learn not to give a shit what other moms say especially the know-it-alls.

+1

This. OP, you do you.

Another perspective: some messy people perceive the organized one as being cold. They are wrong. Moreover, your kid likely has your personality and would agree that schedule is a sign of love. Finally, most kids benefit from routines, although some parents can’t provide and sustain them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Piece of advice for a new mom, learn not to give a shit what other moms say especially the know-it-alls.

+1

This. OP, you do you.

Another perspective: some messy people perceive the organized one as being cold. They are wrong. Moreover, your kid likely has your personality and would agree that schedule is a sign of love. Finally, most kids benefit from routines, although some parents can’t provide and sustain them.

Yikes. Best of luck OP

[Anonymous]

Hmm… I was team OP mostly (even though I was an attachment parenting person mostly) until I googled Taking Cara Babies. That’ woman seems wack. I wouldn’t take child rearing advice from an Instagram influencer and Arizona right-wing conservative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re going to have to grow a thicker skin OP. When it comes to motherhood, your SIL, parents, friends etc are all going to have something to say about every little thing. Be confident in how you are parenting and recognize there are multiple “right” ways to do things. Also realize that you will likely have to rewrite the manual for baby #2.

My only concern with your schedule is how rigid it is and I personally didn’t want to be a slave to my baby’s nap schedule- but if this works best for you then go with it. DS #1 was a super easy baby and would go with the flow. Not so much for baby #2 but I didn’t want to be confined to the house at nap times every day so there were days I’d wear him on errands or I’d drive around a bunch until he fell asleep so that I could get things done.

OP here. It’s a routine but a flexible one. We went off his wake windows. He is only awake for 90 minutes and starts getting tired between 75-90 minutes. We see him start getting tired or the clock and put him down. He gets overtired very fast if we don’t follow the wake windows. We have a 15 minute flexibility window if he doesn’t go right away, he wakes up, or we are doing something. We do try to follow it because he gets overtired fast and then it’s harder to get him to sleep.

Not sure about cold but you are rigid. As someone who raised a happy kid in a far more unstructured way this seems alien to me. I guess I’d just say lighten up and don’t assume you can control all aspects of parenting

No it’s not. My kid want sleep trained but we had to follow wake windows or he would start screaming and crying and then would get overtired. There is nothing rigid about following your child’s sleep cues.

15 minute flexibility windows with a newborn = rigid. And it’s ok . Own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't quite understand why it's important to you that SIL approves of your parenting.

OP here. It’s hurtful. Would you want your close family members to think you were a bad mom?

I'm completely indifferent to their opinions. My husband and children, yes, they matter. But SIL? Let's put it that way, if you were to get divorced today, five years from now you'd struggle to recall her first name. You're a young mother though, so I understand your striving for approval. I have three older kids and by now there are no focks to give. My advice to you is to fast-forward yourself into that status. It's very liberating.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I said I was very happy with my choice to sleep train and get him on a schedule. That’s not why I posted.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds positively insufferable. You don’t even know what you’re talking about. You’ve been a parent for all of what, 12 weeks? Come back and talk to us once you hit the sleep regressions, multiple rounds of teething, a case or RSV, and the stomach flu and let us know how those 11 hour stretches are going.

Also, I did Taking Cara Babies. It worked for 12 weeks and I was a convert - my first had been a nightmare sleeper so I thought I had it all figured out with number two. Never mind those 11 hour stretches meant his weight dropped from 80 to 45th percentile - he was sleeping. Except then we had to stop swaddling when he could roll, and it ALL went to hell. He started waking up all the time. Literally. And the TCB for the next period literally does not work. It’s not some special newborn formula like her first guide. It’s a huge waste of 300 bucks of whatever that old wanna be influencer and Trump loving evangelical wing nut is charging.

News flash: any time you think you as a parent have solved some major problem or figured something out, your kid will eventually say, hold my beer.

[Anonymous]

I also had a firm routine with my first baby that we started about 12 weeks. It wasn’t tied to times, but I knew my kid had about a 90 minute window of wakefulness in between naps. I learned her cues and was able to lay her in her crib when she was drowsy, but awake. But it was also true that my baby did not like cuddling very much. In other words: I lucked out. Once she could tell the difference, she much preferred her crib to my arms for sleeping.

But nobody would ever think I was a cold mom because when she was awake, there was so much attention and affection between us. We read books and did lots of floor play. I would wear her around the house while I cooked or did laundry, with me talking to her the entire time. We didn’t have a car so we would do errands by bus with her in our ergo. Lots of kisses and smiles. As long as you are doing that, OP, you are fine. Ignore your SIL.

My second baby was completely different with completely different sleep needs. Nothing in their sleep habits were the same and I had to adjust my expectations and routines. We figured it out, but it was humbling.

[Anonymous]

I didn't read all the posts but it is SO child dependent that you should not get smug. My second child was a beautiful sleeper from day 1. They got worried in the hospital because she slept so long but she was gaining weight properly so we let her sleep and made sure she ate a lot during the day. She was always put down sleepy but awake in her crib because I also had a 2 year old to deal with, and - again - that worked for her. She never had to be sleep trained and was sleeping 5+ hours at a time since she was a few weeks old. I felt guilty because I was so well-rested as a mom to a newborn and toddler.

My oldest, on the other hand, didn't sleep through the night until he was 8 months old and was miserable with naps. Every kid is different.

BTW, now at 4, my perfect sleeper has been waking us almost nightly for 6+ months now with nightmares, and the oldest is a fantastic sleeper. It can all change on a dime.