SIL Said My Parenting Is “ Cold”.

[Anonymous]

I’m a FTM to a beautiful baby boy. My husband and I are very schedule oriented people and have had our son on a routine and sleep trained since 8 weeks old. He follows a routine, sleeps in his crib + self-soothes, and is never held for naps. My SIL was over this past weekend and basically told us the way we parent is “ cold”. I was a little taken back. We love our son and he will know he is loved. We believe sleep is vital for development and overall mood and chose to sleep train and have him on a routine. We still love our son and he gets plenty of attention and cuddles. I’m a little upset about this.

[Anonymous]

Ignore. My ILs said I spoil my baby because I held him for naps. You can’t win

[Anonymous]

She should not have said anything, but that is, objectively, very young to have “sleep trained” your baby, as literally any reputable sleep book or expert would say.

[Anonymous]

If you chose to CIO before the recommended age of 3-4 months, that could definitely seem cold to people.

[Anonymous]

You sleep trained an 8 week old? I agree with her.

[Anonymous]

That is early to sleep train, but you do you.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Isn’t it normal to sleep at that age?

[Anonymous]

OP here. All of my friends sleep trained at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you chose to CIO before the recommended age of 3-4 months, that could definitely seem cold to people.

1+.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Isn’t it normal to sleep at that age?

No.

[Anonymous]

It is cold. CIO method teaches kids to self soothe because their parents won't respond to their needs. An 8 week old is pretty young to not respond to. Your sister in law is right.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’m confused. We don’t let him cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m confused. We don’t let him cry.

That’s not sleep training then. What did you do? What do you mean he is on a “ routine”? How old is he now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m confused. We don’t let him cry.

So he you just put him down and he sleeps for hours on end?

[Anonymous]

Personally, I think 8 weeks is early to sleep train. But I also know that all kids are different and if your son wasn't screaming his little brains out, maybe he was also ready for it. Regardless, its a cold thing for her to say. Either she thinks you have a very close relationship where you can say anything to each other without causing offense (like you'd tell a best friend that the hair color was not really working for her, or that her new boyfriend was awful)--or she's just clueless about human relationships. If that's the case, I would say something back like "I'm really surprised you'd say something like that. I feel very hurt by the implication that I'm not sufficiently loving to my baby. I know we make different parenting choices and over the years to come, we're sure to agree on some things and disagree about others. I hope we can support each other as sisters even if we feel like we'd make a different choice."

Sleep training seems like such a BFD when your baby is little, but then you get on the whole train of junk food, screen time, dating, skirt length, weed use, study habits, college applications, appropriate friends....and you can't even remember what you DID with sleep training. All that stuff shrinks to nothingness in the rear view mirror.

This was one thing my mom was helpful on -- she had a ton of kids and was super old by the time I had mine, so she was like "eh, whatever -- just love them and they'll grow up fine."